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My T diagnosed me with DID a couple of weeks ago. She had started being suspicious about it months ago, but I knew that she was on to me and started being more careful about my pronouns and changed little things like that until she quit looking for it.

But, a couple of weeks ago, I finally started being honest about what was going on ... the voices, etc. I have three alters that I know of besides myself.

I guess still in a lot of denial ... convinced that maybe I'm just making all of this up ...

I feel like there should be more to say ... but I just feel blank...

Welcome here & congratulations on getting your diagnosis and being honest in therapy. These are great steps

This is a great place to come for support and to ask questions.

Best of luck going forward

Hi and welcome to the forum
hope you find here helpful

Hi!
I was also diagnosed not long ago and started connecting the dots and I am slowly minimising the denial.
I don't even find it a bad diagnosis per se. I was borderline. I still am, I suppose, DID is related to borderline/extension of it in some cases (some say).

Anyhow yes, it feels like making it up. Even if it makes sense, it feels... so strange. I am scared and started being all escapist and watching United States of Tara day after day instead of working and such.

But I do not feel like I am switching. Until I face some of the consequences. Knowing I have alters and not ADD or being bi-polar, it makes a lot easier to deal with life.
For example I feel like I am losing it, I sit down for a moment and think, hey, wait, who took over. It's you, MyMother and Headache, well no, I do not need you now. And I talk them out from being the ones 'in the front'. I was in the store about to make a ridiculous purchase and realised it's the small one. I hid in a aisle and talked to her and explained that we will get the fun things later, but not now. I didn't even mention money, she knew, I think I was much nicer to her than the previous 'main' alters and I went out of the store sound, without cold sweat and a huge amount of money translated into toys.

I have a very scared one, too, and when her emotions take over I talk to her or try to get the very calm Boy out to make her stop fear shadows.

So this diagnosis was very/is very beneficial so far. If it is what it is, it's better to know what we are dealing with- because then we can find the right ways and support.
The 'me' now, the main one (I still have problems with nomenclature, big time) that is, ME as in the personality that was somehow elected to wake up and take over, responds to different medications than the others. For the first time the meds help without making me feel worse- so far. And I could quit mood stabilisers, which was impossible before.

I am writing so much about myself Just want to somehow get the point across, DID diagnosis is really not terrible. There are so many ways to cope that are not accessible with other diseases. You can always have help from one of your alters if all else fails.

Hope to hear more from you. Best, be well and yeah... hugs.

i am really fuzzy right now but i wanted to say hello and welcome!


these threads might be helpful to you.


this thread has resource websites and has organized threads from this forum that talk about discovery experiences, doubt/denial issues, common questions, memory issues, all about alters, about inner worlds, communicating with alters, how to help alters (with anger, depression, etc), relationship stuff, and much more:
-- DDNOS/DID Resources: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html


this thread focuses more on the "causes" of DID, DID development, co-consciousness/co-hosting/switching (what they are and can be like), doubt/denial, and has a couple good threads on communicating/accepting/understanding/working with alters:
-- For all who question how they have DID/think their's is odd: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic104081.html


hope you find this place helpful!


- cassie (age ?)

Hi, welcome LOVE the username!

Thank you everyone for all of the replies ... it does help reading about others experiences and knowing that other people understand...

I'm still vacillating between acceptance and denial ... although I've found that denial attempts generally upset my 3 year old a LOT

I don't lose time/have blackouts ... but I do relate to what I think people are talking about when they say the "fog." *sighs*

not everyone has noticeable lost time, not everyone has lost time that's like full blackouts, and not all alters experiences lost time.

for example, with our system, shay is like, always there, just in the background. she never loses time (except for recently, but that's different. i've been out alone with no one really reachable for over a week now). normally, shay is there, even if she's not in control or can't get in control or can't share control, she's still there in the background, through every switch, watching and being aware of what's going on.

cassandra was almost always co-conscious until we got in a better environment to help out with the appearance of normality and used to literally never lose time. now that we're more comfortable about being ourselves, and don't need to keep up the appearance of normality or hide behind or pretend to be cassandra as much, cassandra's able to go inside during switches and there's lost time and such that's noticeable now and everything. (but we try to help each other out by sharing memories and information so we're not missing too much and such).


and before, cassandra would only lose mere seconds, maybe minutes tops, nothing at all noticeable especially if you're not actively looking for it.


doubt/denial is hard to fight, but it's important to fight it, and just know that you're not alone with your struggles (cassandra still struggles with doubt/denial, and we still have a couple alters who are in full-blown doubt/denial, one who still sees himself as not being a part of us at all and being a separate person and everything too).


i hope this place continues to be helpful to you.


- cassie (age ?)

Thank you!

It helps even to just have terminology to TRY to talk about what's going on inside of me. T doesn't want me to feel labeled and so avoids encouraging a certain vocabulary to to express what's going on ... but the vocabulary really does seem to normalize things a bit for me. I guess I figure if there is a vocabulary for it then it can't be THAT strange...

I guess, I only really know for sure about 3 alters ... not counting me. Although ... I've been suspecting that there might be one more ... but maybe the one I suspect is really just one I already know about ... if that makes any sense...

rentanaardvark wrote:Thank you!

It helps even to just have terminology to TRY to talk about what's going on inside of me. T doesn't want me to feel labeled and so avoids encouraging a certain vocabulary to to express what's going on ... but the vocabulary really does seem to normalize things a bit for me. I guess I figure if there is a vocabulary for it then it can't be THAT strange...

I guess, I only really know for sure about 3 alters ... not counting me. Although ... I've been suspecting that there might be one more ... but maybe the one I suspect is really just one I already know about ... if that makes any sense...

you're welcome and I totally understand!!! And I'm out!! (What day is it? What time? I'll save that for later, anyway)- wow! Hi! Sorry, bit discombobulated. I didn't even know about DID or what was going on with me until I read about it in high school psychology class and was like, "OMG!! There's words, actual words, to describe what I experience!! There's words and sentences and everything to describe what I go through and feel and stuff! I can describe things now! With words! And there's a condition that explains everything!" And I felt so relieved and surprised and nervous all at the same time (mostly relief though). And I felt the same way, too. If there's vocabulary and terms and such to explain what I experience, can't be that strange, and it means it can be possible, and that other people experience similar stuff.

I started out only being aware of 2 "voices". Well, I've always heard one voice/alter ever since I can remember, and that's Kat. Then there was Rain. Then I started hearing L.C. After her I started hearing Cassie. Then I stayed being aware of only 4 voices/"sides" as I called them until I learned they were alters, for around 4-5, maybe 6 years. Then I became aware of Ray. And it stayed at 5 alters for a year or so. Then Lynn came. And then over the course of about two years it was just alter after alter started surfacing, being more comfortable and feeling more safe, and me doing more work and becoming more aware and everything, and now I'm up to like, 20+ alters. (Not saying that'll happen with you, everyone's different, and every system (including size) is different). So yeah, there definitely could be another alter that you're not fully consciously aware of or really know about yet, but you could still "know" about them (so yes, it does make sense to me, even if I can't explain it any better ).

Omg I'm out. How long will this last I wonder? (Sorry for rambling). It might only last for this post. (Topics and stuff we strongly relate to can sometimes "trigger" us out, not always in a bad way). Anyway, I'm glad this place (and Cassie, it seems) has been helpful to you!

- Cassandra