This Must Be Done. A Thinking "Out-Loud" Post. (TW)

Merci, merci Cassandra.
I will help from here. It will go easier, "My arms hurt and my "bad place" hurts and it is terrible. It hurts because of the tall man. I was young. I'm sorry, I should not share so much."


Ick... Sorry for reviving the thread nope. Stop apologizing. Stop stop stop. And it isn't you even if it "technically" is

Don't be sorry, either of you.

Emily, you can share anything with me as long as you are comfortable with it.

Any of you, you can share anything with me as long as you are comfortable with it.

*Possible Trigger Warning*
I am so sorry that your arms and your "private place" hurts. (Is it ok if I call it "private place"? Such places are not "bad", although unfortunately, bad things are done to those places sometimes). And I'm so sorry that this happened to you, and even more sorry that you were young when it happened. It is understandable that such an experience would hurt so much. But do you know that it is not happening right now, anymore? That happened in the past, and it is not happening now, and you are with others that can help you now, and help keep you safer. Is there anything you could do to try and help the pain? Perhaps try some heating pads, or relaxing under warm blankets, or something like that to try and help your body relax and possibly lessen the pain some? And maybe some positive distractions, like some good music or a movie or something, to try and help distract you from the pain so your body can relax more? When you focus on the pain, it can make it worse.

I hope you are able to find ways to feel better soon. *safe hugs if wanted*


-Cassandra

Oh my... She says "It does not seem very private to me. It is a bad place that shouldn't be there. What do you mean it isn't happening now? I see it happening I feel it happening, it's there. It smells so bad."
I... Feel as though I should stop transcribing... We're getting to be quite the mess and it's time to find someone who can help. I will continue to do my best with her and the others that need me. I hope to the gods that we get snowed in tomorrow because I think a pillow fort is in order.
She appreciates the offer of hugs.

We appreciate everything, thank you Cassandra.

-Vernadael Teiryn

tomboy24 wrote:If you leave an older adolescent at home alone however, they'll feel free, they'll feel trusted, and most likely they'll enjoy themselves and it won't be traumatic at all.

Not if you don't tell them you're going. Not if you're gone for a week. Not if you don't leave any food or money in the house to get food with.

EDIT: Sorry, we don't mean to hijack your thread. We were just reading through and she got a little upset by that sentence and felt the need to correct it.

TheHost wrote:

tomboy24 wrote:If you leave an older adolescent at home alone however, they'll feel free, they'll feel trusted, and most likely they'll enjoy themselves and it won't be traumatic at all.

Not if you don't tell them you're going. Not if you're gone for a week. Not if you don't leave any food or money in the house to get food with.

EDIT: Sorry, we don't mean to hijack your thread. We were just reading through and she got a little upset by that sentence and felt the need to correct it.

this reply kinda made someone (and me a bit ) mad because of course there are always exceptions like that which can make that situation traumatizing. we would know. we were left alone all the time growing up without knowing when dad would be back, if he'd be back, etc. so yes, your correction is correct, and we know that you have no way of knowing that we know that situation all too well, but we weren't talking about exceptions, we were talking about in general, for situations where it's known that they'll be back and stuff, it's (usually) not traumatic at all.

- cassie (age ?)

AliasForAFew wrote:Oh my... She says "It does not seem very private to me. It is a bad place that shouldn't be there. What do you mean it isn't happening now? I see it happening I feel it happening, it's there. It smells so bad."
I... Feel as though I should stop transcribing... We're getting to be quite the mess and it's time to find someone who can help. I will continue to do my best with her and the others that need me. I hope to the gods that we get snowed in tomorrow because I think a pillow fort is in order.
She appreciates the offer of hugs.

We appreciate everything, thank you Cassandra.

-Vernadael Teiryn

just because you can see it happen, and feel like it's happening, doesn't mean it's happening. you're in a flashback. that means you're reliving a memory, something that happened in the past, and it's not happening to you now, even though it can seem like it. i'm sorry you have to go through that. flashbacks can be really hard to go through. *hugs if wanted*

i'm sorry that things are so tough right now. i hope you all feel better soon and find stuff to do to help you feel better.

i'll let cassandra know if/when she gets back that you thank her. and you're welcome.


- cassie (age ?)

EDIT: Sorry, we don't mean to hijack your thread. We were just reading through and she got a little upset by that sentence and felt the need to correct it.

No worries, it's fine

Ah, thank you as well, Cassie. Your kind words and your hugs are appreciated. Emily is a bit stuck right now but I shall send the sentiments along when I can.

- Vernadael Teiryn

you're welcome.

- cassie (age ?)

I guess I'm just using this thread for just... general thoughts or whatever instead of making a bunch of different ones.

I'm so tired and spacey again. I keep writing out posts when I'm particularly fuzzy but I've never posted any of them.
I think I got inside today. Or... was... pulled inside, really. I didn't really have much choice. I was in the forest... Malcolm brought me into his cave and that was nice. Then I walked through the woods surrounding the house (I still haven't been inside there really) and I think I saw the guy who jumped Jacob. Some guy who thinks he's in Vietnam. Fatigues, face paint, helmet, crawling through the grass. I forget what we said to each other though. I think part of it was something to do with how he couldn't be blamed for beating up the person who sneaked up on him in the middle of the night. It started raining and he went off and so I started walking again. I wanted to get to the house but I didn't know where I was and then I opened my eyes on the outside because stuff was happening (this was in the middle of theatre class)
When I was pulled back in I was on the top of a cliff. One of those scenic cliffs where it's only a little snowy and you're over fields of green...It was really nice but then I kept feeling like I was being pulled away and I fought it for a little while while I tried to figure out who's area that was. Eventually I decided just to let go and be pulled off into the air. It took me to the open grassy area around the house before the forest started and then I had to come back to the real world for a bit.
Then when I went back I was lying in the grass in that open area. Someone was caressing me and playing with my hair... I looked up and it was Mommy-Maria (as opposed to Movie-Star-Maria, apparently) She caressed my cheek and played with my hair. She had me sit up and she rubbed my shoulders and rested her chin on my shoulder... It was really nice, actually. Then I felt myself being pulled up and away... I was in the sky again and Maria waved goodbye. I turned around in the air to face the sky and was drawn "toward the light" really. I knew then that I wasn't inside anymore and back in class. The whole time I was able to hear everything that was going on outside and things were kind of dark inside... Like... hard to see, I guess? I don't know. It was weird.
I called it a "trance state" for some reason. I wasn't asleep but I know that I looked like it to an observer. I know I wasn't asleep because I was still aware of what was happening on the outside unlike yesterday where I did actually fall asleep in class.

Anyhow... I figured I should write that experience down somewhere

-G

So many times trying to write something, so many times I erase it. I get distracted and when I come back I come to my senses. I need to delete the signature again. This is #######4 #######4 #######4. I was on Hornet339's freeforum deal and they (Leslie and Logan) helped. I'm so spacey and wrong right now.
Wrong wrong wrong. Want change but too much of a forward to do anything.
All the posts I write here aren't mine once I post them. Wouldn't I feel what I write when I read it later? Feel like the words are mine? I'm not real.I don't know what I am. So calm on the outside. Fat and wrong. I'm wrong. Always wrong
"quick! Post it before you get distracted!"
But I don't think I'm done
"it always happens right around now!"
I hope it's okay I'm bringing this thread up... I don't want to clutter the forums with my fuzzy #######4.
Wrong.
"tank u for da choklat ice creem"
You're welcome
Words words words words wrong words you're wrong never right. Can't do anything right. Always wrong

Too many of you. Doesn't make any sense. Too many. Too many.
"soldier is a fragment"
Makes sense.
Is he?
"the librarian is never wrong"
Yes he is. :l
"you don't know that"
Hum hum hum.
People next to us talking about Bonefish Grill. Their bang-bang shrimp. I've only had that from there it was very good. I

Quick post! Quick you're done! It's gone!

Spelling/word errors due to auto correct

Nothing is wrong, though it can certainly feel that way at times.

You are not wrong. Words are not wrong. None of you are wrong. The signature is not wrong. None of this is wrong. And not everything you do is wrong.

This is YOUR thread! Of course it's ok to bring this up, post here, whatever you want! This forum is for EVERYONE and all of their stuff, issues, bullsh*t, whatever. Including you and your's! No matter how trivial it may seem, this is the place for it.

As for there being "too many"...

There are as many as was needed. To us, we did not and do not "need", nor should we have, a system of over 20 alters. To us, our life was certainly not "bad enough" to "need" such a large system. 4 made sense, that was "justifiable". So was 5. 6 was starting to push it. But 20+? There's no way things were "bad enough" for that many! Right? There's no way we needed that many! Right?

But it's important to remember, everyone was needed for some reason, at some point in time, and that is why they're here now. Maybe some were only needed for one situation, maybe they've only been out once in your entire life, but they were needed, they were developed, and they are real and they are there.
It's also important to remember that despite it being said that the number of alters is proportionate to the amount of trauma experienced, that is NOT always true. There is a reason why it is said, or at least should be said, that the number of alters is USUALLY proportionate to the amount of trauma experienced.
Because just as people can experience trauma without developing DID, some people may have experienced a large amount of trauma and have a small system whereas others might end up polyfragmented with a very large system. It's different for every person, and it is not always proportionate to the amount of trauma experienced.


We are very sorry things are so difficult right now, but we know they will get better for you eventually, and we hope you all feel better soon. *safe hugs if wanted* Just keep in mind that you are not alone in your experiences, feelings, thoughts, confusions, or struggles.


~Mixture