Stepped down as co-host

I don't know what this is good for but I just feel like talking with people who understand..

I've stepped down from being a co-host. For honesty's sake, I stepped down months ago.

So many things happened right after each other and I wasn't able to come out much due too life just being too much, so we started co-hosting (Lin, emma, Anastasia & myself). Then I got engaged. I was out more again and things felt better. Then our safety crashed. I have hardly been out since then. I've been out minutes at a time and I feel complete terror and sadness every time. I have felt horrible about my relationship, bringing an innocent person into this (my SO) and things have been painful all around. My only solace has been commenting on things here from time to time.

I finally got to really talk to my SO about this today and things have a new sense of calm about them. I am not ready to start being out more yet. I am not ready to be an active part of my own daily life. So Anastasia, Lin & emma will continue to co-host (as much as we co-host this system, considering a lot of us are fronting in a day) and I have officially stepped down. I need a break from a life I feel is so far from fair that I don't know how to breathe anymore.

I have a wonderful finacée who understands this and has been prepared for my not being out for months at a time from the beginning and who, luckily, loves us all. She has a relationship with both Lianne & emma - and a loving bond with so many of us. I am so lucky to have her and even though I want to run away from both my relationship and my entire world, I know that in time, this too shall pass.

I just needed to write this down, to have left some sort of mark in my own life. If anyone wants to talk to me, don't by shy about PM'ing or anything like that. I will continue to post here as I have done these past months, if not maybe a little less, but the others are here and will post as they have done for months now and we continue to work towards healing.

Thank you, everyone, for listening and helping us heal as best we can. I appreciate each and every one of you.

All my best,
Nin

it sounds like you did what feels right and natural for you. I am happy that your SO loves all of you

Yeah We're all just trying to survive as best we can. I am too