Question for the children alters

Last night I had yet another new alter come out and it was a child named Jessica, though my husband can't remember her exact age. Children aren't our strong points (we have no plans to have children) so when my husband was faced with a child who looked terrified he had no idea what to do.

So, what can we do to comfort Jessica? I have a stuffed wolf I told my husband to give her, but that's the only child like thing in the whole house, excluding my husband's Legos.

Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

Congratulations on finding little Jessica. She's no longer alone! I would ask your husband to make sure to let her know she's welcome, she belongs, and she's safe. Hurt children first need to know that you're not going to hurt them. After that, that you're nice and want to help them. Each kid has different needs. Some might crave attention and interaction, while others might feel overwhelmed by it.

My six year old is like that. My roommate found him alone and suddenly started speaking to us. He realized by the reaction that it was a child. But he entertains little kids all the time so seems to know what to do. He kept talking in the same calm voice and told Carter he was leaving some soup for him. Then he left. Carter was scared but I could feel he quickly realized this guy was harmless and in fact nice for leaving him something.

I think what worked was that he wasn't asking for anything, he wasn't speaking down to him (much), he wasn't even expecting a reply, he was just trying to be nice and connect a little.

Once there's a connection, your husband could ask what type of toys she prefers, then name a few. A yes/no or multiple choice question is easier to answer than a more open-ended question like "what would you like?" I think most of my littles would reply "nothing" because it was always safest not to have needs.

My youngest alters have mostly returned very frightened. The lack of anything familiar around them, the feeling of being "huge", the confusion about who and where they are, it's completely overwhelming.

I know I'm not a child, but I have a reply that's maybe helpful.

The only little voice I can sorta remember isn't a nice kid voice. But I don't think all kid voices are scary. (I'd hope not at least).

I think you gotta treat little voices as if they were real little...kids? I guess? So like, you gotta talk to 'em, and play with 'em, and let 'em have stuff that makes them happy or calm or whatever. If you feel little, treat yourself as if you're little, you know? "Mother" yourself or whatever. Get yourself a cookie, get yourself a "blankie", snuggle yourself into the couch or whatever and pop in a kid's movie. Stuff like that.

I saw some threads about kid and baby alters in the DDNOS/DID resources thing. Were they any help?

Basically, I think you gotta let yourself have time to let that little voice out and like, be a kid or whatever. You know, make some time to finger paint, or play with dolls or other toys, or watch a kid's movie, stuff like that. Tuck yourself in at night, get a sleeping stuffed animal buddy, tell yourself you're safe and all that good stuff.

~Kyra (13 yr old)

Very good advice you've got here

Make sure she feels safe and welcome and take it from there. Maybe ask her if she likes any of the toys you had growing up or ask her if she wants something. It took a long time for our littles to dare to accept anything at all but now they have their own toys and it's helped them heal a lot to just be allowed to be kids.

Congratulations on your newest member of the family and the best of luck

Thank you so much you guys. She came out again last night and my husband got her talking a little. He gave her the stuffed wolf (which she called "wolfie") and found out she was 4. I think he really connected with her, especially when he got our kitten in her lap. Both that and the wolf seemed to calm her down and she called him nice. And she gave him a clue as to what kinda things we could get her, he asked what kind of things she liked to do and she said color so tomorrow I'm going to see about getting some coloring books and crayons.

I'm actually really surprised how well my husband was with her. His only problem was he made Jessica a little uncomfortable (or momentarily skittish) when he kept automatically touching her leg. He's so used to doing that with me when he's comforting.

MY husband also randomly asked is she ever had dreams and once he explained what a dream was Jessica said she had bad pictures and people aren't nice like him.

Overall though, with your guys' suggestions and probably what else I'll find on this forum, I think we'll be able to take care of Jessica.

Pillows and blankets. Make yourself a tent. Hide under the blanket with a flashlight with something to color on or read or whatever it is you want to do. BE the little kid and don't be embarrassed about it. You're husband should accept it, but it might take him a while to adapt. Just both of you be understanding.

-Mouth

Huh, I never thought to act like a kid myself. The only kid thing I do is watch Disney movies, or cuddle with a stuffed animal when I'm sick. I'll definitely give it a shot. My husband's pretty used to my odd little quirks so he'd probably adapt pretty quickly if I explained it to him.

Thanks!

That makes sense, Mouth. Come to think of it, I'll sometimes turn on a cartoon or pick up something fun for a kid to look at or go to a toy store and this often prompts them come forward, to take over. It's like an invitation although I haven't thought of it that way. I set up a situation that is not something I would do, then someone feels comfortable stepping in because they're interested and maybe can't help themselves.

Hi
I'm 4 tooo
I'm blu
I wud lik to play wiv Jessica
Can she play wiv me???


We like colo ring bucks tooo
And crayons
I'm only littel
Jessica's please come and play with usss
U can bring Wolfie?!
We won't hurt Wolfie,
Wolfie will be safe wif u

Hi! I'm Anastasia and I'm 5 Jessica can come talk in the littles thread if she wants to She's welcome here too! I'm glad she got to meet your husband and he was nice to her It's always good meeting nice people