New here and new to DDNOS

Hello! I havent been diagnosed with anything yet, but I am wondering about this "personality fragmentation" everyone here has mentioned.
I used to severely fragment my personality into various characters when I would write. I even wrote a character that had it. I tend to write a LOT of myself into my characters. I actually didnt know I was severely depressed until I wrote a character portraying depression and my girlfriend (she was an acquaintance at the time) pointed it out to me.

My therapist said that it sounded like I was dissociating and depersonalizing when I was telling her things, which, was something I never really studied or looked into until now.

I'm just wondering what the "fragmentation" process looks like so I can compare/contrast my experiences with others.

I am also paranoid about telling my therapist about my "characters" as I dont want it to taint any kind of diagnosis.

Interesting! I also write a lot, stories that never get finished for some reason, because I always rewrite them and never get to the end. I've always known I create characters that have a lot to do with me, but during my first year in therapy I've learned that I've been writing about dissociation a long before I knew anything about it, and there's also some other astounding similarities with myself that I've known nothing about before. Like, the woman in my story is horribly afraid of hospitals. I'm not, even though I don't especially like them either, but who does. Oh, wait a minute, suddenly I find out that the first traumatizing event in my life has very probably been that I was hospitalized when I was just a baby! Isn't that curious.

There's other stuff too, that I've written about that I've thought haven't happened to me personally, and I've wondered why do I want to write about things that I don't know anything about, and whether I have the right to do so. Like the woman in my story has lost her parents. My father's dead, but he was a sorry son-of-a-b***h, and it was more like a relief than tragedy that he passed. My mother's alive, although she almost did die several years ago. And then... One day, when I'm sitting there on the bus and listening to my mother's neverending chatter about everything and absolutely nothing, I realize that "mother's voice belongs to the past. Mother's dead." This thought came to me like it was somebody else's thought, not mine. Somebody who still lives in that moment of my life when a doctor told me that my mother was going to die, that it was a matter of days. So, actually, Ihaven't just buried my father, but in a way also my mother...

The latest question mark for me is that some time ago I suddenly decided that the woman in my story will suffer from epileptic seizures. I tried to tell myself that this was because she's in a very bad condition due to her eating disorder (which is what I thought I was writing about to begin with) and endless sleep disorders, but I still didn't understand why would that be. Well, right now I'm about to ask my doctor to send me to a neurologist, because my therapist pointed out that my description about my sleeping problems doesn't completely fit into the category of sleep paralysis. Instead, I tend to say I "cramp completely", not feel paralyzed, as in don't feel my body and can't move it. I've also had that but it's very different from these symptoms that I've had for some time now. And now that I've read about it, I know some people suffer from nocturnal epileptic seizures.

Wow.. This was supposed to be a short comment on the subject, but apparently there's a lot going on here. It's just unbelievable how much a person can now about him/herself without knowing that they know.

Hello. I'm sorry about your recent health problems. I hope you get everything figured out.

I also relate to the structural dissociation or fragmentation or whatever it was everyone said.
After I post this I will research it more.

I don't know if you read my post on here "I can't relate to myself"
is what I said. I feel like my perception/thoughts/feelings/intentions
all change from moment to moment to minute to minute and hour by hour
Sometimes I feel bipolar...but that's not really what it feels like.

It's like these parts of me can't be the same person.
They don't even like when you say that...usually I wold say "I" instead of
they, he , or she...but recently I've been trying to let myself say what I really want to say
Instead of worrying about "am I allowed to say this," or "it's not normal to say that..."
You know?

I also relate to how others don't always see these different parts or people
They just think "Oh she's in that mood again!"

I try to hide it and be normal....but it's so frustrating...
it's like a feeling of denying your own existence.

My angry teen person gets mad at me a lot (lol)
I guess we don't think the same...(weird to say since we are the same person????)
She/He (dont know the gender yet lol) is like: "I'm the real one. The rest are fake."
Yeah...

yeah....anyway...Just wanted to let you know I relate! Thanks for posting.
It helps me to read what everyone wrote here, and know: "I'm not the only one!"
c:

@cynical me

I completely relate to that. It's so weird walking around and not being... you. And for a very long time I was not /me/. I felt like I was an actor in a tv show. Just doing as I was told to keep going. An actor with different characters I could slip into. And oh man, different friends of mine would see the different characters. Different acts. Yet, we're all part of the same show. One writer, multiple characters. One origin yet multiple facets.

Hmm... that's probably the best explanation I could give. I might be DID, but I dont want to /be/ anything but the writer/creator. Even if I have no face. I am still there in the background editing mental constructs and re-routing personality subtypes.

Wow, it's been so long since I have been on. I clicked on this thread and thought of writing in it but was surprised to see I already had a while ago I also have moments where I go, "numb" I am pretty sure that this is just dissociation. It happens to me when people are talking or I am just sitting there. I look way at a spot and find I can't really look away, I am transfixed at this random spot and cant really think that well, I get slow. I have been researching more and I feel ddnos-1 works pretty well in fitting me. I never really admitted it to myself, but I really wanted to be DID dx because I hate this vague feeling too. I read this is quite common for ddnos-1 people, for lack of a better term since I am so tired, to want to be DID. I also am quite detached when talking about myself. It throws people a little off when I laugh while saying how I was abused. Many people don't even know I have different "sides" because when I am one side, I still try to act as they would expect. I never thought my side that others see was real, I thought I made it, which I probably did, but I think it might be its own side. It really is hard to see a original or ANP when I feel we are all piloting a ship. It is important, however, to not be treated as if you have DID when you have DDNOS-1 because if they treat the seperate personality states as their own alter, it can actually progress the dissociation and change it to DID. So I would say that is something worth talking about with your t, this goes for anyone.

Hi there! I'm new to this forum, I came here for the bipolar forum since I'm diagnosed Bipolar II as well as borderline. Anyways, yesterday I went to see my psychiatrist and he told me I might have some kind of dissociative disorder but it's still under evaluation, although it's not DID because I don't suffer from amnesia nor it's something psychotic since I'm consious all the time when the episodes happen. Also my "subpersonalites" are not different people, it's me but in different stages, like what someone mentioned before, a "fragmentation", and these episodes mostly happen when I'm alone. This is what I wrote on my blog trying to explain this situation before I went to see my psychiatrist:

So to whoever that reads this blog and has read about my “possessions” that I’ve talked about before, I think I’m beggining to understand what’s going on. Please do not judge me from reading this, it’s not something I’m making up, these are real experiences that scare the $#%^ out of me.

This has been happening almost everyday since like a couple of weeks ago, when I cut down on quetiapine. I was feeling really well, my depression had gone away, I had energy and my doctor cut down quetiapine from 250mg to 50mg because honestly I just couldn’t stay awake. So everything was alright till one day I was in the restroom and I felt possessed, something that happened the year before like twice. I got very violent and hit myself with whichever I could find and moved without my will, fell on the floor, bit my knees, pulled out my hair and so on (there are more details on a previous post) That’s kept happening but the other day I was in the kitchen and I also felt something else was taking control of me, this time it wasn’t violent though, it was like a child who made me crash a cherry into my forehead and grab my cat talking like a child. And then last Saturday I started talking to myself but this time is what I call “the voice of reason” who actually told me the things I needed to hear but wouldn’t have told to myself. This isn’t DID because I’m consious all the time, I know when everything is happening. (or that’s what I think)

So what I can gather from these experiences is that there are 4 “Lorenas” (that’s my name) It’s not like there’s an external force that tries to take over me, it’s one of my “personas” that try to do that. So there’s the normal Lorena, the person I am. Then there’s the “violent” Lorena who’s the most scary one because she (I) try to take over me most of the time, whenever I’m alone in the restroom and sometimes she tries to take over me in other places but I try to control it. Then there’s the “childlike” Lorena who acts like a child but has only tried to take over me once, and finally the “voice of reason” Lorena who tells me the best course of action and also talks to the other Lorenas, and gives them instructions to stop, or sometimes she talks to the main Lorena, ie, me and tells me what to do when I feel I’m about to be taken control by the “violent” Lorena, and she (me?) says, for instance: Put the pen away, close the toothbrush cup, flush the toilet, open the door, and so on. But I say it outloud, I mean, it’s not something that I think but something that I say.

Today I had a lump in my throat the whole day while I was at work and the violent me hurt me, however I took some clonazepam and then it calmed the monster, no extra “Lorena” tried to take over me.

I wish I knew WTF is going on or what this is supposed to mean, I don’t know if it’s something psychotic, the psychotic features they talk about in bipolar, if it’s something else or it’s nothing and something I created in my mind. I told about this to my psychiatrist when he was first evaluating me before diagnosing me with bipolar II and he said this experiences were related to bipolar. I need to see him again because last time I saw him mid-December this $#%^ wasn’t happening to me.


This is a post from a couple of weeks ago, now I know what's going on, although my symptoms do not fit every disorder "by the book", it's closer to a dissociative disorder rahter than a psychotic one. It's mild for what I can see reading other posts, but still I think I need support, so I was adviced from the bipolar forum to reach this one.

Take care!

Hi everyone, im sorry if i have written this in the wrong place im not good with computers despite my best efforts.
I need some info on how to come off quetiapine. Im on 500mgs for one month and have been on 400mgs for two and half years now. does any body know how to come off this drug safely? as its not possible to get this info from the doctors. please dont reply if yopu want to tell me i should stay on it.
I wish you all well with your personal journeys.
Many thanks,

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