by Jessica6 » Tue Dec 29, 2020 7:51 pm
We don't know, anymore.
We fill blended, and empty, at the same time. We... wonder if it's a thing, to not always be aware exactly who is fronting- from doing it so long, without realising there was a system, I guess. And then slowly, it dawns on me, that it's..... me. With... elements of the other front-capable ones, taking turns with hanging in the near background. I.... appear to be the closest thing we have, to being a host. Or main- we really don't like 'host', because that word just doesn't seem to properly fit- it feels more... DIDish, and we aren't DID- we think. But, then again, the more we think, the more we don't feel a sense of continuity.
Or, at least, I don't- when.. the sense of it, feels as if it used to be there. But, then... maybe... I don't know. All I know is that things feel quieter, and muddled, and the self-doubt is stronger than ever. So that we don't often post, anymore. The last thing anyone wants, is some boob with some self-delusion or facetious disorder, hanging around trying to be one of the group. Ugh, I would hate that, if I were a DID regular. So I certainly don't want to be that girl.
We.... added Allison, to the sig line lineup. She... wanted pink, it was close to a color we'd picked out for Charlie, so we asked her if a different shade of pink would suffice, and she was quite happy with it. I seem to recall also asking Charlie, and he picked out something a little different, maybe? Hmm
Not sure Allison will be a talky one. And we feel... I don't know- it bothers Steph, that we're 'out of balance'. Perhaps he's afraid, that if there are more Girls than Boys, that that might make us, as a whole, Trans, or something. I... hmm was going to say I don't think so, but what of it? It is, whatever it is. But yes, atm us Girls are in the lead. and that segues into Jessica. That's our user name- and at the time, I chose it, I thought, because of the Logan's Run reference- we like the way 'jessica six', sounds. But... more and more, that name pops up in our mind. Not quite sure that it's a distinct part, however. Um, maybe that's the name the system likes for itself? It's all very hazy- at times I've even wondered if Jess is pretending to be me, and we think it's me, when it's Jess. If Jess, is a part. But... time will tell, if we ever get out of the system doldrums- feel as if we're floating in a sailing ship, without wind, just stuck in one spot of the ocean. Just have to wait, and see what blows.
OSDD-1b (perhaps):
Jessica (f, 25 PV)
Steph(m,50s orig, body, SV)/-Samantha (f,31 SQ)
-Sabrina (f,12 v)
--Stefanie (f,16 v)
Albert (m,14 q)
Nameless One (m,? q)
Charlie (m,5 q)
Aurora (f,70s? q)
P=Primary S=Secondary V/v=Vocal Q/q=Quiet
The world needs more unicorns.