Repercussions

Hi, I'm new to this site, and as most have been, have read a lot of the posts on this forum, and they have been incredibly helpful, and also kind of relieving. But my problem is, that in the past two years I have struggled with lying, but I have slowly begun to come out of it, and it has been amazing! However, there is this person who refuses to let me move on from my past. She is telling everyone that I'm a liar and that everything I have said is a lie (which is nowhere close to the truth). I'm trying so hard to make things right with the people I hurt, and it has been mostly successful excluding this one girl. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel better about myself, be happy, and revel in the fact that I have made a lot of progress when I am constantly being reminded of it, and being called an awful person. I don't think that I can handle this. I have a very small group of friends, and many of them now hate me because this person is telling them of my past. I don't know what to do. I am just so sad and angry at myself for allowing this, but I'm also incredibly angry at this girl for causing my life to be a living hell just because she is not able to move past my mistakes.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

Hi There,
I feel for you. All addicts of any drug - wet, dry or behavioral - leave behind them a trail of destruction which unfortunately they have to just take on the chin once they decide to get recovery for themselves. I read on your other post how you recognized that the root cause of your lying was low self esteem/ worthlessness which is the number one reason most lying addicts lie so this person's actions cannot be doing much in helping your self esteem improve. That said, there is little you can do really apart from explaining to her that what you have is an addiction and that like all addictions, you are striving day by day to stay clean of that addiction and that her actions will end up causing you to lie more in the long run as they chip away at your already low self esteem which encourage more lies.

Get an understanding yourself of the fact that lying is an addiction not a moral issue and once you have that fluent in your own mind, then talk to her respectfully and with an open mind. Allow her to ask you questions about your addiction and answer as truthfully as your addiction will allow at this stage in your recovery. To help you with all of that, here again is the post I wrote on lying addiction being a disease not a moral issue...

compulsive-lying/topic103034.html

If this person refuses to speak with you I am afraid you will just have to deal with that somehow. I have seen thousands of addicts of all types over the years coping with all sorts of things post addiction - like being ostracized by family members, spat on and many other horrors. It comes with the territory of addiction sadly. Hopefully, this situation will turn out better but if this person will not move on, that is her right. You will simply have to respect that. She must be very hurt with you if she is keeping this vendetta going. Loved ones and friends of lying addicts understandably feel like they are going insane sometimes when they find out everything has been a lie (or most things) so she has a right to do whatever she feels she needs to do to deal with her feelings which she has a right to just as you have a right to deal with yours. Maybe she feels that she has to do this to protect others from the hurt she felt after finding out your lies were not truth. Ask her why she is doing it. It's the only way to move through this for both of you. The only way out of this is through. Have the courage to face this woman's truth and feelings.

Good Luck with it and keep coming back and sharing your journey to wholeness with us.
Big Hug,
Billi