My journey to better myself

Tiago... You say "I know this is supposed to be about lying"... Well what you are talking about IS about lying in a sense... or what comes after lying addiction - RECOVERY from it - and that is in the right order of things. Whatever the drug is (wet, dry or behavioral), once that drug is put down, it is about what is underneath... or what the drug has been masking and this is what you are discussing here which is right and proper. And that is fantastic. You are getting to the root causes of things and that is what recovery is all about.

I've also heard it said many times over the years in the recovery movement that relationships are where we take our recovery "on the road"

It's been a really nice week!My girlfriend and I have really been on the same page lately and it's great to see all the work we've put into communicating with each other really coming into play when it's needed. I feel like we have both really committed to this and it's clearly an incredible change for the better. I'm looking forward to spending a weekend relaxing together. I feel like our weeks have been so hectic and our weekends too, that we haven't had much time to just relax and enjoy each other's company. I'm so happy that my life is working itself to a point where these are my biggest concerns and not having the thought of having a lie get unraveled cross mind. It's liberating.

Today I lied again. I lied about being able to go somewhere to my friends and I tried to cover it up with another lie to my girlfriend. I'm not really sure where to go from here, but I am feeling lost and alone right now. I need help with this. I want to post more, say more, but I don't know what's going through my mind right now. I'm scared.

Being back in this position is scarier than ever. When I first came here I had nothing to lose, now there's so much to be lost. I wonder why I thought this was a path to take, I wonder what my girlfriend must think of me now. This is so difficult and it makes my stomach turn. I don't know what my future holds for me, where I'll go from here.

Tiago... I did warn you that if you put everything else in your life before your recovery you would eventually go back to your addiction and here you are. I am frankly surprised you have lasted as long out there as you have before crashing. Better late than never though.

Bottom line... it is back to basics. You have the Recovery Kit. My suggestion would be to dig in with that and this time around, reach out to other addicts more too. Addicts only really stay well being of service to other addicts. Colt is a wonderful support on here now. Get acquainted with him and this time know to your core that without your recovery everything else in your life will eventually crumble.

PS: If you look on my blog, I added a post recently about recovering from a relapse (dated 7th April 2014). That will help you too if you are ready to go to any lengths to recover.

Relax and take a deep breath. As with any addiction, there may/will be bumps in the road. It's how you deal with those that can make or break you. When you are sick you are told "just because you start feeling better don't stop taking your medicine" same applies to recovery. It's a constant battle, not just when you lie.
Try not to get to down on yourself when you mess up, or to high on things when they are going well as these will only feed the problem. I'm not saying don't get mad if you screw up( that's what usually bring us here to start with) or get excited when things are going well, just try to stay more even emotionally.
You aren't starting back at the beginning because you already have the necessary tools to help you, blow the dust off of them and start using them again.
You have to keep a positive attitude or this will eat you alive.