My journey to better myself

It's great to witness you growing in your recovery Tiago and developing self esteem. That is the number one thing lying addicts are crippled with - chronic low self esteem - so to read you write that you are feeling good about your self is just wonderful.

Your girlfriend is a very special person. The support she is giving you is top drawer.

Yesterday was a nice quiet day. I've started doing more things around the house without being asked to do them. I think it's a good thing to develop more responsibility and just be a better person in general. I'm usually someone that eats pretty healthy and am conscious of what I take into my body, but I want to start exersizing more. The better shape I am in the more confidence I have and the better state of mind I find myself in most of the time. I think that's something new I want to start commuting to, working out more.

The other night I had a long conversation with my girlfriend about how my parents always sheltered me so much and that really effected me growing up. Coming from a European family, life was a lot different than a typical child. I had to help my parents with the language barrier from a wet early age and I just wasn't ever given the option to be a kid, play, have friends, sleepovers, any of that. It wasn't easy and to me I just didn't know any better but it was upsetting looking back on it.

This was a good weekend that ended up being very annoying. When I got home my mom decided to go back the road of telling me how terrible I am for having lied and it pushes me to the point of not wanting to be home at all. I absolutely hate it and if I head it one more time I really don't think I can handle it. I'm trying so hard to move forward, but I can not do it if I keep getting brought down like this. It's emotionally devastating to come home to that. I feel like there's so much good that I do that is simply overshadowed by this negativity. How do I move forward, get better, when every time I start to feel better I get dragged back down this path?

On another note, a few weeks ago I was cleaning up and came across an item that belonged to a now former friend. I contacted him and told him I'd like to return it to him and he told me he would make an appointment to meet me. This is a person I lost due to my lies. A person that has in no way been there to support me, regardless of his continued promises to do so. He decided last night to reach out to me to get his item back and I made it a priority to bring it to him this morning. I wasn't asked how I was doing and I was barely thanked.

Hi Tiago,
Can you get your Mother involved in the Recovery and Mediation Kit? Can you ask her to be a partner in your (and her own) recovery in relation to your lying addiction? If not - and she refuses for whatever reason - then I think for your own peace of mind you should maybe consider removing yourself from such a negative environment. Recovering addicts have to put their recovery first if they are truly determined to get well. Yes it is inevitable that people will fling stuff in the face of recovering addicts (it comes with the territory of recovery) and is simply the loved ones post traumatic stress rearing it's head but if a loved ones behavior becomes consistently sabotaging then tough decisions need to be made and acted upon.

As for your "friend"... In my experience, this just comes with the territory of addiction and recovery. I'd just chalk it up to the wreckage of the past and leave it there. There is always gut-wrenching fallout from addiction and all addicts have to face this type of thing at some point in their recovery. It is heart breaking and painful but you must continue moving forward. The alternative is chewing on the resentment of it which is very dangerous for you as a recovering addict. "Normal" (non-addicted) people can get away with self pity and resentment. Recovering addicts have to view both like they would a skull and crossbones on a poison bottle.

Big Hug on both counts anyway.

The issue with sharing any resources with my parents is the language barrier, especially with my mom. My dad has his rules, but he hasn't been an issue with my recovery at all. I feel like his decisions and comments are always fair, justified and come with a solid reason. My mom has good days, she has bad days, but it's just so random when she decides to just bring things up again and bring me down. Although, I'm not just taking her comments and not sharing how they make me feel, I make it very clear they hurt and don't help at all.

This weekend I plan on going on a small, short little getaway with my girlfriend. It's rare we get any time away together and I think it's good for the mind. I'm looking forward to it. As far as recovery, I'm doing well. I think the hardest part is moving forward and building self esteem, but it's also the next big, important task I need to face. This is all a process and I don't think anyone can fully understand it, not even someone going through it, but I must say that Billi, you have been a great help in all of this. I take what you say very much into consideration and think back to what I've learned from here and from my own self exploring lately and I've come a long way. I look forward to what the futures holds.

I didn't like tonight. I got to see my girlfriend and something was clearly off but I didn't want to pry. I worry about every little thing that bothers her because ultimately it really made me feel distant tonight and I didn't like that. I feel this need to be open and discuss everything that its weird to not have it reciprocated tonight. Then again, she's not the one that's messed up, I am. I hope I feel better tomorrow.

Maybe your girlfriend could join this forum and share too? She is in recovery too now from the effects of your lying addiction and both of you need the support. Just a thought....

I've spoken to my girlfriend about joining. I know she reads everything I post, but as far as her joining I have no issue with it, but I just don't want to know about it. I have this so that I can post freely and I know no matter what I post about myself or her she doesn't take it to heart because she knows it's just a place for me to vent, express my thoughts and not keep it bottled up. I'm not sure that if she did the same that I would be able to not take it to heart, I'm a lot more sensitive to those things. I don't venture and read other posts on here so I wouldn't mind at all if she joined. I've really enjoyed posting on here and it's been a huge factor to moving forward and learning a lot about myself. One day, I hope to reread all my posts and try and take an outside perspective of seeing changes. I'm learning to cut out the things in my life that aren't good for me and it's not that hard after the first week. I think each step has taken me about a week to really start adjusting to.

I understand perfectly.

You're both doing incredibly well. Recovery is not for wimps and you both are showing extraordinary courage.

Huge Respect to both of you.

I'm slowly finding my place, things that make me happy, things to look forward to each day and I'm happy. I'm looking forward to school starting soon, it'll be something that I'll enjoy. I like school and the last couple of years I've really taken it seriously after seeing just how important it is. I think it'll be a good thing to have back in my life. I'm also looking forward to this weekend. I'm going on a little getaway with my girlfriend and I'm really excited about it. We both don't have much time to get to go away at all and it'll be a much needed mental and physical rest!