Infidelity - why do you cheat?

Why do so many women with BPD have difficulty staying faithful?

Do they go out and seek the attention? Do they fall victim to strong personalities and have a hard time saying no?

I understand sex as a distraction. But when you commit yourself to someone who shows interest what is it that drives you to cheat?

If you tell me why you're asking... maybe I'll tell you why I've been unfaithful.

There is no particular reason. I suppose it hinges on the whole relationship instability. EVERY BPD I've known has had infidelity issues and I'm curious as to why that is.

That's a hard question to answer. I cheated on my first bf but I have never done it since. I know it's wrong and it caused so much pain, for me as well. I cannot understand why women with BPD do it repeatedly. For me, the idea of hurting someone like that is beyond cowardly.

the reason I did it when I was younger (I think) was because I felt like he wasn't paying me enough attention. He was in a band and was playing a gig and we were at the venue with friends and people we knew. He was hanging out a lot with his friends and wasn't talking to me much or even looking at me and I felt abandoned I guess. Another guy there who I knew was flirting with me and he suggested we go to his car and "do it". I laughed and said ok, even though I didn't really believe it was going to happen. To me it was more of a joke, but then once we got in his car he expected it to happen and I was so drunk...I didn't really know how to handle the situation or say that I didn't want to...so I went ahead and did it. We picked up by bf and he was asking where the hell we'd been and I was very quiet. He stayed at my house and I proceeded to cry all night long with him asking me what was wrong. In the morning I finally admitted what had happened and told him to break up with me...but he didn't. Said he loved me too much. I think it's possible I lost a bit of respect for him, staying with me after I did something so despicable. I kissed a couple more guys at later dates when I was angry with him but I never told him as I was sure he'd break up with me.

There was one other time many years later when I kissed a guy and had a bf, but the guy kissed me and I just felt like I couldn't say no. I didn't want to kiss him and I felt terribly guilty and told my bf that I wasn't worth being with, but again, I was forgiven. I have never done anything else.

So yeah, thinking about the guilt I felt those times and how young and immature I was and knowing how much I hated myself for what I'd done I would never do anything like that again. There was another time where I was losing interest in my bf and liked someone else and we were alone in this other guy's apartment, but I used every bit of willpower I could muster not to do anything. And what I thought about was how my bf would feel if I did it.

I honestly don't understand how people can cheat and still live with themselves and not be ashamed. And why would you continue to do something that makes you hate yourself more? They say BPD improves with age and so I can understand people doing it when they're younger, but if people with BPD are acting out against someone by cheating on them continuously I don't think there's any excuse.

Well I'm not sure if it's the same for me as for everyone else. I've only been unfaithful in my current relationship, and the circumstances aren't very usual. Though... the motivation might still be similar.

In past relationships I would just flirt with other men. It made me feel better about myself... which is a hard thing to do. When I felt rejected by my current guy, I would try to find someone else to prop me up. But I wouldn't let it go anywhere.

Now... it's a lot harder. He isn't around. Not at all. I still turned this other guy down multiple times, and he knew I'm married. I forgot what it was like to have someone tell me I look nice every day, to do nice things for me. I tried not to let it get out of hand, but it did. He didn't exactly take no for an answer.

I've cheated on all but two of my partners.
First I'll tell you why not.

My first boyfriend ever - I was scared to death to upset him in even the slightest way. I knew if I cheated on him, he would find out and I would be hurt (physically). Once I had a guy friend over. Dude was my friend for like 15 years, PLUS he was gay. I guess he used the bathroom before we left and left the toilet seat up. My bf came home and flipped out. It didn't matter how many times I explained the situation to him, he knew I had cheated (of course, I didn't).

My husband - I haven't ever cheated on him because he is the guy I've always ever wanted for the past 10 years. I finally got him, and I'm not going to lose him if I have any control over it (yes, I do target him in my BPD rages, but for some reason I feel like that's o.k. .... idk). Anyway, there's a lot to our relationship. Also, he is the only person who has consistently put up with my bull, so I really think if we can work through MY kinks, we'll be the best ever.

Everyone in between - I cheated on. There were several reasons. First, I would feel really bored. Second, I needed the novelty of a new boy. I would get into the 1 month rut and instead of just breaking up with the guy (because that would leave me nothing to fall back on) I would go out, do what I wanted, come back, feel HORRIBLE, then somehow get sympathy for my guilt. It always worked. I dated below myself. I dated guys who had zero self esteem, so they were willing to put up with my infidelity, but they always ran when I got too crazy. I was engaged to someone once. A week after he gave me a beautiful ring I spent the night with someone else. Third, I always felt like these losers were going to do something to hurt me, so I wanted to be sure I did it first. And finally, I just loved the rush of getting away with it. I swear, sometimes it felt better than cocaine or something. Just that high of sitting across from a poor sap thinking, haha, you think you can hurt me? Well, I already hurt you, and as soon as you get the idea to leave me, I will let you know all the sordid details. When I feel backed in a corner, I can get very vindictive, evil, and apathetic.

Sick, I know, but I am confident that I would never cheat on my husband, and he is the only one out of every person I've dated who was worth any part of me (good and bad).

I only technically cheated on one person. The rest is just flirting around like young people do.


The relationship was long-distant and very turbulent. I wanted to feel wanted; I wanted to be important to someone if only to feed my own confidence. I wanted the action of the relationship without the strain of the commitment, as the relationship I was in was more or less a sinking ship.

He was fun. I was interesting to him. Something delicate and aggressive.

I'll still occasionally talk when I need to make sure I still have my contacts in order. He hasn't quite moved on from it. I miss the fun.

where should i start?

1. sperm donor of a father - abandoned me at 2
2. every visit i had with him meant there was a new girlfriend. that's 15 girlfriends, never one repeating themselves. that's HORRIBLE for a sperm donor to do his impressionable child.
3. sperm donor got married 4 times
4. ate my way into being morbidly obese
5. had weight loss surgery and lost 125lbs, imagine what that does to the psyche?

so let's see, i have no concept of: fidelity, loyalty, love, and intimacy compiled with a desperate need for validation now that i'm thin. you have NO idea.

I have not cheated or been unfaithful in that regards to a man I loved and would not. I become obsessed and would not want to have sex or be with anyone else. I would be paranoid if i cheated they would too and i would not cope with the separation or more fears of them falling for someone else or leaving me.

That is a stupid and unfair generalization against women who have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

What makes you believe women with BPD cheat and wanting to know why ? What about why women that cheat cheat regardless of what mental illness they have.

Boredom, attention, intimacy issues, control, fulfillment of emptiness, attraction and opportunity. Unfortunately it was emptier than my emptiness and ended disastrous. He wasn't worth it.