Sharing diagnosis with non-BPD people

I thought I'd post this to vent and in case it's useful to anyone.

This afternoon I bumped into an older man from my 12 step groups. He seems like a safe person so I chatted to him for a while. I mentioned that I was on new meds and he asked me what my diagnosis was. As soon as I told him I knew I'd made a mistake. He said something to the effect that he had those symptoms too and didn't everyone?

The result it that I've gone into self-doubt, questioning whether I've just been exaggerating, the voice in my head telling me I'm not working my 12 step programme hard enough has suddently become louder. Beating myself up basically. I share information with others too readily. It's put a real dent in my afternoon and now I just feel like going to bed

The same thing happened to me! It also made me doubt my diagnosis for ages. And added to my denial. BPD, when you tell people, sounds ridiculous. Because everyone is scared of rejection etc.

And maybe he does have BPD, because he is in this 12 step programme, and just doens't know it.

Not EVERYBODY feels this way. Not everybody has dissociation, self-harm, depression, extreme mood changes, poor self-esteem, psychotic breaks, severe identity changes. Can you imagine if they did? Yes people are afraid of rejection, but react in different ways. They may become Narcissists instead. And not EVERYBODY has Narcissistic traits either.

How would this person know how everyone feels, are they psychic?

This is the difference. People with BPD are obsessive about it, to the point our lives are unbearable and maybe try suicide to ease the pain.

It's like saying to someone with OCD about germs who wash their hands a 100 times a day 'well nobody likes dirty hands!' Would people say to an alcoholic 'Well everyone likes a drink?'

I too overshare about really personal things. I wonder, if subconsciously , I am waiting for someone to tell me I am making a big deal out of nothing, to trigger denial, so I won't get better. A way of self-sabotage.

I've had people do that too- I'm not sure whether it's to try and make me feel as though I don't have a problem and reassure me that it's normal, or whether they're just trying to identify with me- my boss frequently says "I get depressed sometimes"- I don't have the heart to tell him to think of feeling like that all day every day, for ten years and he might be getting close.

The difference between those behaviours in "normal" people and us, is that for us those things are more extreme and interfere with our life to a point that it rules our life. Yes, everyone experiences some of them, but not in extremes like we do. They might feel something like rejection too- but they won't react to the point of suicidality over it.

I think for nons it is lack of understanding and lack of information.
I bet that if you stood outside and asked 100 people if they knew what BPD was, you might get lucky and one out of the 100 might know.

And yes, everyone feels things, all of us and that is what most people go by. They do not, and can not, comprehend that sufferers of BPD feel things 1000 times more than the average person. So when you say “I feel depressed” and they answer, “well so do I” they are in fact correct, just not to the extent that you do.

It is human nature that, when we don’t know what someone is talking about , we do not wish to appear stupid, so we pretend we know about what is being spoken…

mf

Hey there...

I can completely understand where you're coming from. When I've tried to explain what the feeling of "being" BPD feels like, I've had people discount the diagnosis as well, and it really SUCKS.

It's not so much that being BPD sucks, because it can, and sometimes it doesn't, but when someone makes the mistake of thinking that everyone "has this", then they're not aware of what this disorder entails.

Can other people that aren't BPD self-harm? Yup. Can they rage, have fits of anger, act irrationally, and have emotional tantrums? Sure. But to what degree? How often? Does it dictate their daily schedule, their feelings, their LACK OF PERSONALITY? Probably NOT.

There is a difference. And I have to say that sadly, not too many people outside of us, the BPDers, and the people who treat us know that difference.

***hugs***

AMP

yes i know this game... and have often felt really defeated and invalidated after sharing my diagnoses with someone. even therapists. it's all just ignorance, and comes down to the facts of what you know about yourself.

now, if i ever tell someone (which is rare) and they give me that reaction, i will laugh and say, "well with that logic, it is the same as saying someone who enjoys drinking is an alcoholic." and i will usually drop it, unless they show an interest of trying to understand.

if they saw me when it comes down to my episodes of rage, my severe depression, my paranoia, i have no doubt in my mind that they will believe my issues stretch a little further than the average joe walking down the street. that's the thing with BPD, or probably personality disorders in general, you can come off like the Coolest Cat, extremely self-aware, intelligent, etc. and only a lucky few will see you in your prime moments of madness. i've doubted my diagnoses before, but after sitting down and looking at the Facts, not the emotional drama, i am clearly ill.

do what You need to do to get Yourself better. i used to have problems with sharing my personal life with people far too fast, giving way too much information and such, and this all probably has to do with lack of identity and insecurity and the need to fit in to somewhere and be accepted. meanwhile i usually am not even paying attention to what i really NEED, which is to find my own happiness and sense of security within myself, not others.

This is the exact reason why I no longer speak to anyone about my illness. And I've made sure my family and one friend KNOW that they are the reasons why I don't express or share my feelings anymore. Because of their lack of understanding and willingness to learn about my numerous disorders.

It is like they are in denial that I have issues. I've accepted it, why can't they?

My one best friend, I'll try to share things with him and he will say, "no, you are normal. You don't have an illness, nothing is wrong with you. We are all different."

It is so frustrating.

Because of this reason, I share nothing with anyone I truly know. I now show no emotions. I've lost the ability to feel for others. I guess I have the flat effect now?

My grandma and grandpa both have cancer and are basically on their death beds. My mom comes to me for support, balling her eyes out and I just sit there with no emotions running through me, blank look on my face. I feel like such a jerk, but I have nothing to say to her, I can no longer comfort anyone.

I just found out today an infection I have could be spreading to my heart, guess what? I don't seem to care. What's happening to me?

Sorry to go off topic..

Hi legion...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents, and your infection, even if you do not have feelings about these things.

It sounds like its possible that past traumas of your life have caused you to lose your emotional affect, and also to have complete control over what you do or don't do, in regards to your feelings.

To me though, this sounds more AsPD... what are your diagnoses, btw, if you don't mind my asking. You mentioned that you had more than one?

Many of us here do. I myself am co-morbid BPD/HPD.

<3

AMP

MissAli,

Thank you for your reply and concern..

I was diagnosed BPD by my therapist and then again in a mental health hospital.

Just within the past six months I've felt myself become more detached from my emotions, and then one day I felt so numb.. I can feel anger.. And I think that's it. I don't have any love for anyone, no sadness. I don't know, its tough to explain.

I fit the criteria to be diagnosed with NPD and show a lot of symptoms of AsPD (some date back to childhood).

Is it possible I've been hurt so much by my emotions that my illness has developed into some thing else?

I've also experienced psychosis, involving hallucinations, voices, etc.

Hey there -

Yes, it is possible for your illness and diagnoses to change. And this happens a LOT more than was previously thought in the more recent studies of psychology.

In regards to PD's, we're a pretty funky bunch. The problem is, a lot of us are adverse to medications due to the fact that it isn't so much a chemical imbalance that we suffer from, as it is the development and ingrain of poor coping mechanisms due to past trauma, stressors, or lack of milestones met due to your needs not being met.

I myself have been on a rainbow of meds over the last ten years total, and am now on only one SSRI, and a benzo as-needed. And I've never done better, but a lot of that is because I've confronted the demons that haunt me in therapy for almost two years now.

In short, I had a psychiatrist explain once to me that a diagnosis is like a "snapshot in time" per what that person is suffering from, displaying symptoms of, etc. I never really believed it until the last two years, when I've seen personal growth. I went from having an extreme MDD (major depressive disorder) to being relatively stable, or as stable as one in BPD recovery journey can be.

So yes, it is possible for it to change. But if you are having auditory and vision hallucinations, I would highly advise that you be evaluated for medication, if you aren't currently taking any. No one should have to suffer that if there are things out there that can help.

My best to you.... <3

AMP