Sharing diagnosis with non-BPD people

Told a buddy about my BPD he gave me the it will go away blah blah. Bummed me out but he seemed to figure it out. Most everyone else I know just thinks I have bad depression, few people I know have some sort of depression the rest seem to accept it. I do my own thing, work & get my stuff done. I am not always around since I prefer to be alone most the time. Usually when I meet bi polar I joke, ohh I am the other BPD. Not normally a damn you dont understand, mainly because I dont care for others to or go into it.

You've put my mind at ease, MissAli.
I wasn't sure PD's could evolve like that, but I had my suspicions that is what happened.
Its weird to think I could be the host of 3 personality disorders. But putting a name on it won't change a thing. At least I will be able to understand myself more, hopefully.

I was being treated for schizophrenia, but I lost my insurance. However, the hallucinations have died out almost completely. I notice things happening every once in awhile, or something strange will happen and I have to question my perception only to find out I was wrong.
I believe my most recent onset of these symptoms were probably drug induced. I've been clean for awhile now, but struggle with sobriety just like any other recovering addict would.

Again, I appreciate your thoughts.

bright.eyes wrote:yes i know this game... and have often felt really defeated and invalidated after sharing my diagnoses with someone. even therapists. it's all just ignorance, and comes down to the facts of what you know about yourself.

now, if i ever tell someone (which is rare) and they give me that reaction, i will laugh and say, "well with that logic, it is the same as saying someone who enjoys drinking is an alcoholic." and i will usually drop it, unless they show an interest of trying to understand.

if they saw me when it comes down to my episodes of rage, my severe depression, my paranoia, i have no doubt in my mind that they will believe my issues stretch a little further than the average joe walking down the street. that's the thing with BPD, or probably personality disorders in general, you can come off like the Coolest Cat, extremely self-aware, intelligent, etc. and only a lucky few will see you in your prime moments of madness. i've doubted my diagnoses before, but after sitting down and looking at the Facts, not the emotional drama, i am clearly ill.

do what You need to do to get Yourself better. i used to have problems with sharing my personal life with people far too fast, giving way too much information and such, and this all probably has to do with lack of identity and insecurity and the need to fit in to somewhere and be accepted. meanwhile i usually am not even paying attention to what i really NEED, which is to find my own happiness and sense of security within myself, not others.

I agree with the above OP.
I had my best friend invalidate my Dx when I told him. He said it's "probably not even a real Dx" and that I should just "man up Nancy".
I know sharing your Dx with people can be hit or miss, but don't let anyone make you doubt what you know in your heart to be true.

i_am_legion wrote:My mom comes to me for support, balling her eyes out and I just sit there with no emotions running through me, blank look on my face. I feel like such a jerk, but I have nothing to say to her, I can no longer comfort anyone.

I can really relate to this. I have a lot of trouble feeling emotions for other people's situations. I would have to repeat to myself over and over something like "her best friend just died" to be able to try and wrap my head around it- and even then it wouldn't really hit me. Unless it directly impacts me and my emotions, or unless someone else is in an emotional state about something, I can't connect the emotion with the event. If someone else was upset and crying, I can comfort them and offer the right words and might even get teary myself, but if I don't have that then I'm a bit blank. I feel like I'm being really selfish by doing that, but I don't do it deliberately and I just can't quite put two and two together. Maybe it comes from years of blocking out emotions so I didn't have to feel anything painful that blocking it out is now just part of me.

I get the non emotion feeling if a friend comes to me with a problem, if they start crying it usually kicks in stronger. If its someone who experienced something tragic I am able to talk to the person much easier than if it were everyday issues since not many people get BPD or care to understand I am not sympathetic to them.

i_am_legion wrote:This is the exact reason why I no longer speak to anyone about my illness. And I've made sure my family and one friend KNOW that they are the reasons why I don't express or share my feelings anymore. Because of their lack of understanding and willingness to learn about my numerous disorders.

It is like they are in denial that I have issues. I've accepted it, why can't they?
My one best friend, I'll try to share things with him and he will say, "no, you are normal. You don't have an illness, nothing is wrong with you. We are all different."

It is so frustrating.

Because of this reason, I share nothing with anyone I truly know. I now show no emotions. I've lost the ability to feel for others. I guess I have the flat effect now?
My grandma and grandpa both have cancer and are basically on their death beds. My mom comes to me for support, balling her eyes out and I just sit there with no emotions running through me, blank look on my face. I feel like such a jerk, but I have nothing to say to her, I can no longer comfort anyone.

I just found out today an infection I have could be spreading to my heart, guess what? I don't seem to care. What's happening to me?

Sorry to go off topic..

BIB- I am having the same issue now. I am totally OK with my diagnosis, and I'm feeling so much better. I am sick of people freaking out about my BPD/DID, saying stuff like 'but you're YOU! not a label'. And you know what, it's entirely self-serving to them, has nothing to do with making me feel better. They don't like that I am changing, or that their friend may have something wrong with them. They want to keep me as I am, because people don't like change.

The flat effect is pure Hell. I also had no empathy and would struggle to care when people told me their problems, I was really ashamed of this. In my case, I was extremely Depersonalised (a form of dissociation). I was so away from my 'self' and my own feelings, how could I validate others when I didn't even know my own? How can you have compassion for others, when you have none for yourself? Having BPD/ dissociation usually means you have like an emotional dyslexia called Alexiythmia, where you can't understand your own emotions or even register them, and so this makes it hard to understand others.

OP this is a really important topic to bring up. I've learned not to share my diagnosis with anyone. People just don't understand. It makes having BPD very lonely, but it's not worth the hassle of trying to put myself back together after someone invalidates my diagnosis.

I hope people's answers on here make you realise that you're not making a big deal out of how you feel, and that BPD is a serious condition and that you carry on with your process of recovery.

[quote="BIB- I am having the same issue now. I am totally OK with my diagnosis, and I'm feeling so much better. I am sick of people freaking out about my BPD/DID, saying stuff like 'but you're YOU! not a label'. And you know what, it's entirely self-serving to them, has nothing to do with making me feel better. They don't like that I am changing, or that their friend may have something wrong with them. They want to keep me as I am, because people don't like change.[/quote]

As a non
when I say the statement "you are you" it has nothing to do with me being self-serving, it has nothing to do with me not wanting the special people in my life to change. What it has to do with is the fact that if I liked/loved you then, just because you got a diagnosis... i'm going to change my thoughts about you?
Would you feel better if the people in your life (us non's) totally freaked out, yelled at the top of our lungs... "OH no.. not------------!!! Oh my G*D!! NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO! I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU!!! (This is just said for Emphasis.. You know that I adore all of you, and would never say anything intentionally to hurt you)
No when I say stuff like that it is to show my support, it is to show you that I do not look apon you as different, you are the same as you have allways been.. my friend.. or my love.

mf

myfault wrote:[quote="BIB- I am having the same issue now. I am totally OK with my diagnosis, and I'm feeling so much better. I am sick of people freaking out about my BPD/DID, saying stuff like 'but you're YOU! not a label'. And you know what, it's entirely self-serving to them, has nothing to do with making me feel better. They don't like that I am changing, or that their friend may have something wrong with them. They want to keep me as I am, because people don't like change.

As a non
when I say the statement "you are you" it has nothing to do with me being self-serving, it has nothing to do with me not wanting the special people in my life to change. What it has to do with is the fact that if I liked/loved you then, just because you got a diagnosis... i'm going to change my thoughts about you?
Would you feel better if the people in your life (us non's) totally freaked out, yelled at the top of our lungs... "OH no.. not------------!!! Oh my G*D!! NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO! I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU!!! (This is just said for Emphasis.. You know that I adore all of you, and would never say anything intentionally to hurt you)
No when I say stuff like that it is to show my support, it is to show you that I do not look apon you as different, you are the same as you have allways been.. my friend.. or my love.

mf[/quote]

Nah, that's not my experience. But that's sweet that you're trying to make people feel like that.

In my case, it's like they're saying 'well you never told us about these voices before' or 'we know you better than some doctor, we've known you since you were young' and 'it's just you' etc. I've told the not to use the 'it's just you' phrase to me, because I have alters/ identity changes, and it plays into that. Many of the people I know are friends of the family, they maybe don't want to believe that my parents abuse me. Or that the Lily they thought they knew, is different. My issues scare them maybe, so they play it down.

It's just very frustrating, because they've witnessed the hospital visits, suicide attemps, depression, mood swings and my general crazy behaviour. I would have hoped they'd be happy I was getting help or that I was understanding wher it was coming from.

People with BPD often act as scapegoats or other people use us, because we have such a poor sense of self we put up with it. In my therapy group, they are explaining to us how BPD is maintained by the people around us, who will try and push us back into our roles. I am already experiencing this from family and friends. They can't deal with the 'new me'. The doctors are trying to help me deal with it, because this is a common reaction when people try to recover from PDs.

lily;

i am sorry that your family/friends treat you that way...

but yes i can understand what you are saying.
I guess for some people Ignorance is bliss.
That way they do not have to “see” what really happened.

I guess in my warped way I think that people would be happy for you for wanting to better yourself, for wanting something better... that they would support you in anyway that they could.
(Maybe I am just an odd non)

I send you huge hugs..

mf

myfault wrote:lily;

i am sorry that your family/friends treat you that way...

but yes i can understand what you are saying.
I guess for some people Ignorance is bliss.
That way they do not have to “see” what really happened.

I guess in my warped way I think that people would be happy for you for wanting to better yourself, for wanting something better... that they would support you in anyway that they could.
(Maybe I am just an odd non)

I send you huge hugs..

mf

I think that the relationship dynamic between different types of nons and pwBPD, is what's different.

I would imagine that someone who's received abuse from a pwBPD would absolutely be supportive.

But in my experinece, the families of pwBPD often enable the condition, as BPD usually carried the abuse. We are scapegoats, and never allowed to speak about what happened. I know many pwBPD who are shunned from the family after speaking up about the abuse, and the family blame the 'sickness of BPD' of warping the pwBPDs mind and imaging the abuse. Also, pwBPD tend to have very poor communicatin skills and this perfect for an abusive family, to manipulate them.

And often pwBPD, outside of a relationship, attract people who will abuse them and use them, picking up in ther need to be liked. NPD and BPD tends to be the most common combination.

An abusive non spouse, would also enable the BPD, maybe keeping them ill to dubdue them, or because they are easy to manipulate them.

Then there's the non who is being abused by the pwBPD. I would imagine that they would be very supportive of the diagnosis and willingness to change.

It's a very complex system, and I am still trying to figure it out. The pwBPD can be the victim and agressor, so the 'non' is not always good or supportive!