BPDs: do you drink or did you ever drink?

And if you quit drinking, did it help? I don't drink much (a couple glasses of wine a night) but I still think it impacts my ability to process emotions.

I think I will quit for good for New Years. Any suggestions on successfully quitting?

I drank and I drugged for a long time (10 years) Quitting HELPS! Go to AA and find out how.

Gluck & Happy New Year

Well I will try it without AA first, being an agnostic sort. I have a feeling a lot of my problems are from alcohol, we shall see. I know a lot of BPD and alcohol symptoms are the same, so it will be a miracle if I am even one bit less convinced my mother is disowning me and my husband can't stand me. If you know what I mean. How can someone be born so sweet and end up such a freakin mental mess??? I am nervous, it will be foreign for me to be "clean" even though I have worked my way gradually towards it over the years. Cross your fingers for me.

There are secular options in lieu of AA if that’s something you’re interested in. Some people also don’t care for the idea that they’re powerless, which is something that AA seems to advocate.

I have definitely abused drugs and alcohol in the past. (among other things) It came and went in short spurts, phasing in and out of my life. I don’t think I ever reached a point where I was addicted and had to attend meetings in order to resist temptation. The closest I came to that place was a couple years ago when I was drinking on a regular basis and really out of control.

Even before that dark time if I went out drinking I had difficulty controlling my consumption. I couldn’t have just one or two drinks. My nerves would cause me slam my first couple drinks and then I would feel the need to keep up with the rest of the crowd. I still had self-control back then not do anything even drunk, but it’s just an example of how it’s hard for me to do things in moderation. The same would apply to food binges, shopping binges, etc.

My advice to stop drinking is to keep it out of the house and to change who you socialize with. Personally, I find the latter most important. If the people you hang out with are partiers and drinkers it’s going to be impossible to stay dry. It’s like going to a restaurant when you’re on a strict diet and everyone around you is ordering dessert. On the flip side, if you’re with people who don’t drink you don’t want to be the only one getting buzzed. Social pressure can do wonders for a person’s habits.

Girl,
I have phased those people out over the years, it has not been easy. Now that my husband has almost completely quit drinking it is much easier for me to abstain. I have checked out SMART and also read a couple books (including 12 step Buddhist, which is more philosophical/spiritual, there doesn't have to be a Guy in the Sky). Anyway I feel very good this morning, almost like my demons fled when they realized it was over for them. We shall see. DId either of you notice that you were completely pscho/raging the day AFTER drinking? It actually mellows me out a lot when I have it (as long as I only have a couple) but the next day I am a nutjob, to put it nicely.

I don’t recall being psycho/raging the day after. I remember feeling more anxious and sad/tearful the day after heavy drinking. I tend to have miserable hangovers, so I’m quite useless and subdued for the most part.

Please excuse my blunt response earlier Rune, I didn't have much time but I wanted to express the importance of stopping, and the availablity of AA as a resource for you.

I was never really a 'drinker' persay, but a cocaine addictict who used alcohol along with my DOC (Drug of Choice) to keep my hearty rate steady while getting increadibly high on my drug. I did have to quit drinking though, as it triggered my drug use (I can't have one without the other, that kinda thing) and when I was high, I was satisfied (not happy; but alright because my nerves were I needed them to be and my addiction was fed) the day after, when I would wake up- I was a wreck! I was cranky, tiered, out right mean, defensive and highly emotional. I wanted to start getting high right away to bring me back to state of 'chemical normality' again.

Quitting on your own, isn't 'that hard' but staying quit is the tough part. How do you deal with life and the issues that arise when you're not reaching for the bottle anymore? Your natural 'escape' or 'calmness' has now been taken away- how do you cope with that? Everything from the little things, to the major things are amplified by the fact you are now lacking your dependant crutch, your body chemistry has now changed due to it's new 'clean' status, and if you haven't yet; you will soon find that you are triggered by everything from social happenings, body chemistries, time of day, days of the week, smells, places, and the most minute of things you'd never before associated with your drinking, and you're like WTF is going on here???

This is where places like AA can help you. They teach you, using their own experiences and the 'Big Book' how to replace those past behaviors with new ones, how to cope through the difficult and seemingly easy situations, and they offer you support and understanding along the way. I'm sure you found it refreshing to come to these boards and be able to identify with people- right? To be able to talk openly and candedly with those who think, feel and act like you, etc... AA offers that same thing with drinking. It's people who have been where you are, listening to you, identifying with you and guiding you BECAUSE they understand you and your situation. Some people were daily drinkers, heavy alcoholics, and some people where binge drinkers; didn't drink much, but when they did- it was nuts. All kinds of people and habbits there.

Yes, some people get into it pretty hardcore, the whole 'God thing' really freaked me out too. But that 'higher power' they speak of, doesn't have to be God, it can be anything or anyone- even a stronger piece that lives inside YOU personally. It gives you a whole new community of like minded people to identify with and learn from, people who have been through many of the same things you have, and many people use it a family even (if they are lacking a family of their own) You'll find everyone from the 'dregs of society' to the high class 'rich mans wife' in those meetings, and everything in between. That's the beauty of it. When you're there, you're totally excepted- no matter where you come from or what you've done in life. It realy is a place for everybody

I'm not trying to push you into going, but if you find you need someone to help you with how to cope, someone to listen to, someone to learn from and someone to just be there- this is an excelent FREE option to choose. Here's the link to their site if you want to check it out: http://www.aa.org/?Media=PlayFlash

Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable
note: this doesn't mean you have no self will power or the ability not to drink, it means that you are incable of stoping at just one, and when you DO drink, it effects many parts of you life
Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
Again, this doesn't have to 'GOD' it can be any entity you belive in, even a special part of your sober self and personal will
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
AS WE 'UNDERSTAN' that's key here! It doesn't have to be 'God' as Gopd, it can be any higher power you believe in- THAT choice is YOURS
Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
much like what we do here when dealing with our PD's as a whole- looking in and finding the source of the pain and problems, sorting it out and understanding it all, etc...
Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Therapy, whether with a shrink, a priest, a sponsor or a friend, you need to lift that wieght off your chest and get it all out there- very cleansing and freeing
Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
Whatever 'higher power you beileve in' will help with this step when you get here- it takes a while, you'll know when you're ready for this one...
Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
same as above, you'll know when you're ready...
Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
became 'WILLING' to make a mends- you don't have defame yourself to do this one, you just need to understand what you've done, and be sorry for it in your heart.
Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
let those appologise flow as you feel prepared and able to do so, and were it will NOT cause harm to other person emotionally or otherwise
Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
This one is beautiful- it means you understand yourself and keep searching yourself on a regular basis to maintain inner peace and comfort in your life- LOVE THIS ONE!
Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs
Using everything you've learned you reach out to help others who need it when you can, and you'll find that everything you've learned here can be applied to other aspects of you as well, to make the BETTER too.

It's a wonderful program, and it's helped millions of people all over the world. AA was the first 12 step program of it's kind, and now there's 12 programs for many different things- because they can see that these steps really do work!

I don't want to 'pressure you' into anything, but I do want to take the 'stigma' out of the program and out of the 'God' parts of it. I'm not a religious person, but I belive that there's something out there that guides us and gives us styrength- whatever it is, you can get what you need from that source when you need it. Be it God, Budah or the Tooth Fairy, it's there when you're ready and so is the program if you need it- k?

Take Care and all the best of luck to you in this
~Alice

I occasionally drink. I don't like the taste of most of it, so that's why it's not full blown.

Alice,
I know that you don't have to be religious to go, but from what I have read is AA tends to be most helpful for middle-aged white Christian males. And the people I don't trust tend to be that exact group of people so it is personal I guess. I know that stresses are what always cause me to cave in and pour a glass. I have started doing yoga again (in the evenings, when I would drink) and also doing 5HTP in the am and melatonin at night. (Your body transforms L-tryptophan to 5HTP then to serotonin then to melotonin, so if there is a broken link along the way you will miss out on one of its forms. The 5HTP and seratonin are mood stabilizers and the melatonin is what keeps you asleep, anyway those things have been keeping me pretty mellowed out without "real" drugs)

Anyway I will see how it goes, I am committed to fixing myself right now, before anything gets worse or any major relationships are ruined. I just wish there was a way to remind myself that I often perceive others' actions as an assault of some kind, and when I start getting that "I am being attacked" feeling I wish I could just shake myself, but I am too busy going into fight or flight mode. Sorry, not trying to whine but it is so unbelievably frustrating, in hindsight, to review how I reacted to some things. I guess you know what I am talking about.

Girl: I have those lovely sensations in addition to the other ones.
Broken: don't get started. Keep thinking it tastes bad!

I wish I could just shake myself, but I am too busy going into fight or flight mode. Sorry, not trying to whine but it is so unbelievably frustrating, in hindsight, to review how I reacted to some things. I guess you know what I am talking about.

YES! I know EXACTLY what you're talking about here. I've been clean for 3 years (3 years on Feb 2 1011) and even after all that time and knowing I'm strong enough not to give in to my DOC over the litte things that happen- when those major things happen and the rage and reactions set in, it would be nice to escape that feeling and I think of doing again... I haven't, YET, but I know that it's always there becconning to me in these times, after these times when you feeli like your life isn't worth living anymore and you can't run away from the pain- I feel it all the more, and it scares me.

I understand why you don't want to go to AA, most of the people there are middle class men; but that's why they have addapted AA groups for women ONLY in many places. Though the craving and the way the drug works on our minds is the same, the reasons we do it and the things we do are very different between males and females, ergo the seperate groups.

I'm not an AA evangelist by any means, I went for 3 months, learned some stuff and that was it- I got what I needed and I moved on in my life. But I know it's always there if I need it, even I don't falter, even if there's just weakness and overwhelming, I know I can always go back if I need to. That gives me a comfort of some kind I suppose...

I wish you courage, strength, discipline and hope in this, because it takes a lot more than luck alone; but I wish you that too
~Alice