I still don't understand...

Wow Downtown. Those posts are such a good description. That is amazing clarity. Thank you. I see myself more clearly now. That has really helped my self esteem. The diagnosis did a lot of it, but that has really really helped. Thank you.

You probably miss what you thought she would be like, you miss what you thought you could have with her. So, when you realized it's not how it is at all, you feel confused. I think you had too much expectation for that relationship, especially since it didn't last long. Just move on and find something else that makes you happy, and be realistic about it.