Y do bpd's dump their partners ?

Joanne~1962 wrote:Maybe it's pure and simple and nothing to do with BPD - it's just that she really doesn't want to be with you anymore??

Actually I like this one best.

It really does happen. Shocking, I know.

I know this is an old thread but wanted to reply. I have bpd and unfortunately have ended relationships simply because one day i can love a person and the next i don't. Perhaps this isn't real love? There is also the emptiness that causes a borderline to just get bored in a relationship and splitting where we adore and idealise a person and then not the next day.

Hey, this is my personal own opinion. So please don't take this as a fact. Since I was 17 I would dump every partner I would ever have( I'm bi-sexual) I actually remember the day that I first felt angst,

It was a weird feeling in my stomach and I felt nervous, like really really nervous. Like panicking.
My ex actually said "are you sure you just don't need a $#%^" ....

Lol, anyway I felt the need to leave her. I felt the need to run away. But deep down inside I didn't want it. I really didn't..... I know it sounds crazy but for me it is real,

After her I had two other relationships and guess what?

I dumped them both everyday. And it would be over stupid excuses. Like they are ugly in a certain photo. I don't like they're hair. I think they are too fat. When Infact I was only using this to run away

My best friend at the time said to me in my previous relationship she said " you have been with her for three and a half months. Do you want to know how many times you have dumped her?" I said sure tell me?

Her response "356" ....

May I add from the 3 previous relationships I have been in they didn't know about my bpd. I didn't even know About my bpd.

Now to answer your questions.......

I believe in a thing called schematherrapie, now what that is its, when a person with bpd speaks to you it might feel like you are having a conversation with more than one person right ? Even though bpd is not a multiple personality disorder. And they're mood just changes like all of a sudden. You have five modes. You have ... Abandoned/abused child, protecter, angry/impulsive child, punitive parent(which is in confrontation with the abandoned abused child) and the healthy adult

Now when I said I didn't like my ex's photos you could said I was in the protecter mode. But then you could say I switched because I stated I want to be with her but I'm scared, that's the abandoned abused child. So I protect myself by abandoning them before they can abandon me. Even if a person with bpd says its not the case. Deep down inside it is. They are hiding they're true feelings because they are not allowed to show feelings. Because it is scary for them

Everyday I dump my current girlfriend and it takes for her to leave me to get me to snap back to the healthy adult, I used to think it was the fear of being abandoned, but I do truly love and want to be with her because I care for her deeply, I look out for her. I can have a laugh with her and I need her as my girlfriend.

Watch this video it mig help



http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Do6owMR1hS ... o6owMR1hSY

I couldn't quite tell you why I do it. I have attempted to break up with my boyfriend (whom I love deeply) so many times. For me, it is definitely a push pull thing. Mainly the push happens when I feel he doesn't love me anymore or enough. It could just be something small that causes it, and I try to push him away so I don't have to deal with him possibly not loving me. Other times, it is just because I get bored in relationships, and we are long distance so it is especially tough. These boredom phases luckily don't last long and have started going away though. I think it all comes down to my need for control, luckily he is very understanding and always stays with me.

Yup I go back and forth forth and back about my feelings for someone. In the beginning in the early stages i can usually control it and not outright dump the person. As it deepens I will break up with them a lot over the most stupid random things to only beg them to come back to me or relent a few days later. This also happens with friends where I'm a perfectly awesome buddy you're new BFF and I can switch on a dime. In those cases I might never come back.

I wish I could so something to control it bit I can't. I can only try to minimalise the damage by let's say not raging at the bf for whatever I see the problem to be

In both cases for me to totally cut someone out of my life something had to happen, that something may be easily forgiven by a non but I'm not one. Oh well.

Pondscum wrote:Very simple.

I dump you before you can dump me.

It makes the abandonment a little easier to take if I'm the one doing the abandoning.

Thank you! You took the words right out of my mouth.

I think this is quite simple actually, but I guess it can be difficult to understand why a borderline would do it when we want to be loved so badly. From the outside, it makes no sense. However, if you knew exactly how much it hurts us to get rejected, then it all comes so clear. The pain is so bloody excruciating that I would rather cut the ties myself as it hurts much, much less.

True, that some borderlines will cling like a cat stuck to a tree, but the extremes of which a borderline will go to in order to avoid abandonment encompasses several methods. Cutting someone out is actually one of the least scary ones.

Pondscum wrote:Very simple.

I dump you before you can dump me.

That's simple. But the thought process behind that isn't.
And not easily controlled.
It has little to do with love either. Often those whom you care about most suffer the most.

Steviie wrote:I felt the need to run away.

Exactly.

Pairou wrote: Joanne~1962 wrote:Maybe it's pure and simple and nothing to do with BPD - it's just that she really doesn't want to be with you anymore??

Actually I like this one best.

That's mean. I doubt thats the case in here

Sometimes I wonder what's the average age over here..

Kiskiskis wrote:That's mean. I doubt thats the case in here

Yeah, my BPD girl is would always seem like she is implying she wants to end things, but i am sure she wants to stay with me forever what do you think?

Sometimes I wonder what's the average age over here..

lol maybe the average "mental age" is young

I've done this before at least 4 times.

Personally I'm not sure about my diagnosis, but I'm currently undergoing eval.

BPDs essential dump their partners to avoid impending disappointment, rejection, or devaluation of themselves. They've got it ingrained that they're simply not good enough, damaged, broken goods so they have a lower sense of worth than most people (which they overcomp for by being overly critical)
plus the negative voice in their head tells them to doubt their partner no matter how good that partner is to them.
The black and white thinking also ensues.

bipolarmusician wrote:

Kiskiskis wrote:That's mean. I doubt thats the case in here

Yeah, my BPD girl is would always seem like she is implying she wants to end things, but i am sure she wants to stay with me forever what do you think?

Sometimes I wonder what's the average age over here..

lol maybe the average "mental age" is young

Hey 5 y old
Hush!
Im very sure she does