Am I BPD? please, honesty needed

I should add that I've had short experiences of full recovery where the world seems normal again and people seem alive again when instantly the DPDR has left me for short periods but my worrying of it returning has always made it return.

I haven't had any hallucinations (except for once in the shower right before I passed out from exhaustion, i heard bird sining, think it was a hypnagogic hallucination, the type you get RIGHT before u fall into unconscious sleep or right after waking up right before full consciousness).

Noone in my family has any schizophrenics in it, not even as far back as my grandfather's dad / mom.
My dad had psychotic breakdowns, but he had severe ADHD + constant amphetamine use (needle shooting type extreme) + all other drugs u can imagine + alcoholic.
+ he watched his brother die infront of him, which ###$ him up.
So I dont think he was a schizo since he had so long periods of 100% normal behaviour(if u overlook the drug abuse) and he denied to eat antipsychotics as they made him twice as ###$.

There's a few things.

First, if any system is taken to the point of exhaustion it malfunctions. Your two issues are a) finding out why you are driven to this extreme of thought/mood, and b) maintaining your balance as best you can until you find the problem.

Second, those collection of symptoms all occurring in a three day period again suggests that you have some sensitivity. The symptoms you have, and the way they occur could well be due to some complex factor in your diet. If you are able to fast for one week, taking only water and organic fruit juice, you might quickly determine that diet has a strong effect on you.

If you do a long fast, then the first food you eat will have an exaggerated effect on you. Something to keep in mind.

There are different medical systems in the world, as you know, and some of them specialize much more efficiently on the effects of foods than does western medicine.

Third, the things you said about your father suggest that there may be something physiological/genetic, rather than just your messed up upbringing. Bipolar disorder has a strong genetic component, often leads to behaviors like those of your father and you, has several forms, and so on. I'm very sure you have been screened for bipolar in one of your doctor visits, but you might ask a doctor to take a second look.

Some more notes...
Zinc is good, but you could try to experiment with different minerals to see which produces a noticeable improvement. B vitamins of course are the vitamins that have the most effect on many people with stress symptoms.

You answered the nutrition question a bit, but completely avoided the strenuous exercise. If your heart does not reach a high rate from genuine physical exercise at least once or twice a week, that by itself can cause some of the stress problems you have. Exercise really is a powerful medicine.

Epsom salt, magnesium sulfate, is available in every city of every country in the developed world. Rich people use it as a bath salt, poor people as a laxative. If you have a grocery store in your town, go to the aisle with medicines, and look near the laxatives or the bath salts for large (pint or quart or gallon sized) boxes that cost about $2-$4 (it's very cheap). It will say magnesium sulfate on the box (MgSO4). Don't worry too much about dose, so long as you don't exceed the recommended dosage on the box. Magnesium is natural and safe in that form, a large dose would just send you to the toilet. That type of magnesium is probably preferable to some others that come bound with calcium or other minerals. (Calcium is another mineral that sort of goes along with magnesium)

Another note about oils. There are three types of omega-3 oils. Flaxseed oil has a lot of the lowest, and the liver converts some of it to the highest form (epa) which the brain uses. If you are not vegetarian, and you want a shortcut then fish oil capsules are actually better.
Flaxseed oil is good though. Whole flaxseed broken up by your teeth is even better. The seed has other unusual nutrients that are beneficial, and which are not in the oil alone.

One suggestion, again regarding diet. If you write down carefully every single thing you consume, whether food, drink, drug, etc, then you may notice a pattern. For example if you notice that every Tuesday you consume milk, and every Wednesday you are high stress, then you must experiment and find out if milk is one of your issues.

Thanks again

First: bipolar, no way, I have never had manic episodes, never any sudden HIGHS or LOWS.
Just plain low the last 2 years due to exhaustion from panic and mental torture(mental ocd/Pure O)
I've checked with 2 doctors and 2 psychiatrist none say bipolar is likely.

About the food screening, I'd love to do that, the biggest problem is, I've lost way too much weight, if I lose nother 5-10pounds I'm likely to die (very underweight these days).
I've tried allergies, no allergies.
I eat mostly clean meat, vegtebles and other healthy food.

Could underweight cause any of the symptoms?

I'd be interested to know your height/weight. Is your body type significantly different from your family? Was your father also thin? Siblings? Have you been very thin since childhood?

Some Indians (i.e., Hindus) divide food into three categories. Tamasic, Rajic and Satvic I think, from lowest to highest. I noticed a tremendous difference when I spent 10 days eating only foods classified as "spiritual" or Satvic. It takes 2 or 3 days maybe to notice, but in me it was striking. When I returned to normal food it was like my mind started coughing. It would not hurt you to research some newer books on which foods frequently cause problems in ADHD children (for example), which foods are not recommended for people trying to still their minds (yoga practitioners, etc), etc.

Again, I ask the question about exercise. How often do you get your heart rate up to a high level through natural exercise like running? Many people are surprised at the effect exercise has.

Well, my body type is 80% ectomorph 20% mesomorph.
My father was skinny, my mother was skinny when young, then gained more weight after having kids(prolly normal).
My sis are skinny my bro are more mesomorph.

My height is 177cm, weighin 60kilos.
Extremly low. not sure on BMI atm, but aroun 16.5-17

Besides your father, anyone else in your family that had extreme histories? What do you think made your father test edges so much?

Noone really, one had a gambling problem and my uncle died in a drunk accident but none were very extreme..

How come? think Im BPD?

Maybe to go back to the trauma, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, ptsd, can have a lot of symptoms like you have.

If it is easy for you to see doctors, I would try to get seen by a PhD Psychologist who specializes in stress disorders. Make a list of all the stressful events that you think may have contributed to your recent state, with dates, as well as a list of all the symptoms you have. Short lists to give to the doctor at first, less than one page.

PTSD is permanet isnt it?
medication doesn't do $#%^ for me(tried several).
Would that say I wont recover, at all? life is over as a teenager?;\

PTSD is a reaction. If that is what you are labeled, then it means that you have reacted a certain way to serious stress.

Some people are given medications, to try to cover up the reactions. Some people receive counseling, to try and channel the nervous energy of the stress in an unharmful way. There are also nobel therapies that use other approaches.

As far as life being over as a teenager... if you are 20 years old then I would say that life as a teenager is probably over for you.