Any words of encouragement?

I kind of want to die right now. I feel like such a screw up because I have to take medication. I take Zoloft and abilify. I feel like a lost cause and I'm tired of living this life. My dad forced me to take the medication and whenever I get upset or something my parents are like "have you taken your meds?" I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't see any point in life anyways. It sucks. I've never been in a relationship and I'm a senior and everyone in my grade has been in one. I'm just tired of being an outsider/loner. I can't keep any friends so I don't see any point in living. Someone else will accomplish what I couldn't.

as someone who was put on meds at fourteen and endured similar experiences - this will pass.

not saying it will all go away and be magically better. but it's like you're at the bottom of a wave trough.. if you wait and ride it out, you will be lifted back up to its crest. and though it seems pointless, it isn't. or maybe it is, who knows, but human life is about dealing with repeating cycles.

though my life has many different issues now, i can say with 100% certainty that everything got better once i was out on my own and not with my family. it's hard to feel like life is worth it when you're depressed and lonely AND being controlled. but once you have freedom, the little things somehow balance it out (at least for me). you have new crap to deal with, but it's better crap. i would rather scrounge to pay rent every month than go back to having someone else tell me what to do and when to do it.

as for being an outcast.. i have always been one, and it wasn't until i fully accepted it that the tides turned and i started connecting with people better. definitely not with most people, but i met a select few i felt safe with and that made all the difference. fighting against your differences will only make you condemn yourself. instead, accepting who you are (at least at this point in time) will allow you to be more confident and self-sufficient. that, in turn, will attract the attention of others like you.

being the misfit is hard, but comes with a lot of benefits. we are outside the herd and not subject to a lot of their rules, don't have to play a lot of their games.

hang in there. PM me if you like.

Just curious, what is so wrong with taking medication? Is it your thoughts on it or what you feel people are thinking? As someone with bpd and not on medication I would kill for a combination of medications that will help relieve some of the symptoms, even if it wasn't entirely. Are you ashamed of it? If you are I understand, but if they're making you feel better then don't be. Feeling better is good. If they're new, give them a bit of time. If they don't work keep trying new doses or meds. It's not worth feeling the way I, and a lot of other people, do. If you find a combination that works you'll notice a difference. It may not make it all go away, but it's a starting point.

I also hate when people in my life blame my mental illness(es) every time I'm upset. As if they aren't valid feelings. As if I'm not allowed to be upset, because all it comes back to is them thinking it's just the illness talking. It's very frustrating.

As for your social life, I hadn't really been in a real relationship until I was 18 (and hadn't even kissed a guy up until that point). Lost my virginity a couple months after that birthday. I was the outcast, and quite honestly I made myself that way. I stopped talking to all the friends I'd made prior to my mental illness(es) really showing. It's difficult, and I think a lot of us get it. I'd honestly love to have friends, but I stop myself from allowing it. Out of fear. I'm afraid they'll see the ugly side and run, making me feel even worse. So I just keep to myself, socialize whenever possible, but at the end of the day I never take that "next step" when forming a friendship.

If you ever need help, and just to vent.. The people here are wonderful, and they will help you as best as they can. They've done a lot for me over the past 10 months, and I'm extremely grateful to have a place to post and have people just "get me".

(I'm not great at encouragement. Still fighting my own battle, but I hope knowing you aren't alone will help you a little.)

It's hard to get through sometimes, but thinking of how you influence the lives of others refreshes your outlook. Often, thinking of how others perceive you can lift your viewpoint. Many of us are loved and don't feel it. Various conditions can do that and it's not even true; often, we are loved and wanted only we don't know that.

For observers, such as family and friends, 'control' is actually caring, and caring is made up of interest, follow-through and availability or approachability. Try to see it their way. They are not trained professionals, often they can't find the words and sometimes they're clumsy at it, but they care and do what they can. For some, it seems like nagging, but it can also be the realization that someone cares actually. It's the follow-through and consistency that reveals that. They want to keep you on schedule. They make the effort.

Just reverse the positions. You care about someone and they have to take medicine. You know they forget at times, so you remind them. You care. The meaning that person has for you is important and you show your caring by making sure they get the help they need, even if all it takes is looking in on them, talking things over, listening and making sure they take their medicine on time. They have somebody who cares. You. You may be all they have, and that may be enough.

You have someone who cares. The ones who look in on you, listen to you, and ask if you take your medicine. If they remind you of your medicine, you have someone who cares.

I kind of want to die right now. I feel like such a screw up because I have to take medication. I take Zoloft and abilify.

it wasnt easy for me to take meds or got o psychiatrist. the first time he gave me meds, i bought them from the pharmacy but then returned after a few days. then eventually after some online friends suggested i take the meds, i bought the meds again and took them.

i took for about 4 days before giving up.

so yeah it's not easy. but i was very impulsive and the black and white thinking was driving me crazy. so i took the meds hoping it would remove the impulses.

I feel like a lost cause and I'm tired of living this life.

i understand. i just cried because of the way i have ruined my career, self respect, social life. your still in college. i wish i had known about this disorder when i was ur age. i'm 27 now.

its ok to be tired of living. you dont have to be on a roller coaster all the time. just as a lake gets refilled by water. our mind/soul needs refill in the form of

a walk with a close friend
some quiet time alone
a peaceful music
some time thinking of good old memories
big bang theory episode
hobbies like gardening, reading, writing, cooking etc

My dad forced me to take the medication and whenever I get upset or something my parents are like "have you taken your meds?"

this isnt healthy. having a disorder or taking meds doesnt mean all your life problems are solved. even the psychiatrists would go upset with their lives once in a while. i dont talk to my family about my issues cause i know they wont get it. i rather come here. and i have an online friend. she's very helpful.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't see any point in life anyways. It sucks.

No one has seen the point in life. else we were gods. the secret to life is not discovered. i think we give ourselves too much importance into believing that we're born with some special purpose. but i dont see it that way. i mean god doesnt help the gazelle that's being chased by lion. why must got save humans. i think we're just animals. we live and eventually our heart stops beating.

I've never been in a relationship and I'm a senior and everyone in my grade has been in one.

even i've never been in a relationship and i used to envy my friends for having gf/bf. i had my first kiss out of pressure to have sex and that was something i'll always regret. its ok to not have sex or not be in a relationship. there are other sources of happiness than relationship.
like eating, singing, listening to music, exercise, relaxing on bed on a lazy sunday, playing with a pet.

I'm just tired of being an outsider/loner. I can't keep any friends

this could be that you havent found your group yet.
friendship isnt about talking each day or getting along well. at times its about being there for the other person, not laughing at the other person when he's made a mistake, listening to the other person.

you can tell your friends you like to be alone, so they wouldnt feel bad if you skip social events. but having a few friends is good. like even one friend is helpful.

and most people respect you for your actions and not your jokes or how often you hang out with them. help them when they need help, talk politely and most people like that.

but yeah you shouldnt feel guilty for not having friends. at times it's the case that the people around us may be pricks.

so I don't see any point in living. Someone else will accomplish what I couldn't.

maybe there is a point, maybe there isnt. maybe you have to make a point. maybe you'll have regrets.

i was suicidal at one point and often i wish i had killed myself. but its ok. i mean i did have some joys in life after those days.

i have made a list of all the good things that happened to me in 2017. and seeing that list at times feels good. it doesnt cheer me up but it feels good.

This best thing I ever did as a teenager (14-19) was not committing suicide. I'm not going to lie, I tried. But I never could quite do it and now I'm 24, my life is nowhere near perfect but I'm still learning, I have a place of my own and a cat to take care of and two jobs I relatively enjoy.i know it's hard right now, but it will pass. Medication isn't for everyone, but it's worth the shot to determine if it works for you or not. Don't stress about relationships, you're still young and dealing with this is hard enough. Unless you find someone you adore, focus on yourself and learning to cope with your disorder.

I don't usually use the word 'we' because not everyone shares beliefs and choose to sit one out. I usually do. But I'm including myself in this words of encouragement because I'm a part of it.

We tend to push our loved ones away. We push everybody away. I did, too. They do not dislike us, I have learned, but they remind us of our condition by being nice to us when we feel unworthy.

Yes, us. Me, too. Feeling unworthy is a sensation I know fairly well, and when we feel down, we push people away with some of the harshest methods.

My secret to overcoming it was that I had chosen wisely in a relationship where that special someone never gave up; I learned how not to give up. Soon, I began to see why I shouldn't, and began to change the direction of my feelings and thoughts. That came easy as a very good start.

It's not all in our heads, but it is. When loved ones say that it's in your head, they don't know the truth - the technical truth - they are saying; my condition was in my brain chemistry and therefore in my mind. It was not imaginary, but biochemical, like too much beer is biochemical and makes you do stupid things, hence the meds to correct the wrong chemistry. When you get the right meds, and the right diagnosis, there is still one vital ingredient: you. The feeling that you are not worthy of attention, involvement and welcome is a trick your chemistry plays on your mind, and it's a lie. When you go entirely by your feelings, you ignore all the hints of reality all around you, mistake good intentions for bad, and it baffles your loved ones. (They see it, why can't you, right?)

Well, we can't. It's not that easy. We can't just get over it. Yes, we.

But we can be turn the direction around. Just knowing that someone knows you are worthy of them is what worked for me. I felt otherwise, but they stayed with me. I pushed them away, and they came back. When I started believing in them and why they came back, it began to replace what I was so sure about not being worthy. I was so sure I wasn't. . . I began to understand that I was worthy to someone who cared.

You are one of the most special people in the world.

It will be hard to find people who don't have the view point of "did you take your meds" but you will find some as you learn about yourself. It all comes with time and growing and wisdom with this disorder which sucks at the time and there is always something to come but you really can get through it and when you get over the current hump you reach a certain peace that other people will never get. As for the current situation. You should ask your parents to go to therapy with you so they can learn in depth about you and how to talk and react and the same for you it would help alot it's not easy trying to explain it yourself no one really believes it unless it comes from a professional or they're just very understanding themselves.