Dealing with emptyness

I am new in this site and I have been diagnosed with bpd. I have a great relationship though and I generally feel fine. But not counting my partner I feel entirely alone. Can't seem to make new friends or keep the old ones and I don't want my man to be the only important person in my life. I am tired of sabotaging old friendships but in this moment I feel kinda vulnerable, you know, scared of being Hurt (again) and be depressed for months after someone I consider my best friend leaves or something, and therefore perhaps that's why I can't figure out where and how meet new people, and once I do, how not to spoil it (again). Someone's got ideas? Sorry if my English is not the best.

Hi and welcome
Your English is fine so one less thing for you to worry about

I just wanted to send a short reply to you before work (dont like read and run) if i can help it

Hope you find some helpful advice here (its a great site)

Here we all post daily might help find your feet

How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*
borderline-personality/topic121574-4410.html#p1875199

Thank you. I did check it. I am gonna continue checking it as well

I feel the same as you. It's hard for me to keep friends, although it seems to be easy for me to make them. We always end up falling out because I tend to seek out people just like me. You can imagine how that turns out most of the time.

What do you think we do wrong?

What I think I do wrong is try to fill the emptiness with people and activities with others or by myself, but the emptiness remains. This emptiness inside me has nothing to do with having nothing to do. I do not feel empty because I am in between activities, because I have nothing to do at the moment. No. This emptiness is a symptom of BPD. It is an identity disturbance, a markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. I feel empty because I have no self. I have no identity. It is as if I do not exist. There is no 'me' living life. Even when totally engaged in an activity--any activity--I am aware of the activity but not aware of a person engaged in the activity. No matter where I am, it is as if I am not there.

My resolution to the emptiness within is to go into that emptiness. I must find a self inside this empty body, empty mind, empty soul. If there is no 'me' in there, then I have to create a self, develop a person that did not develop in childhood.

I know I rambled here, and I know I have nothing worthwhile to say but maybe it helps when I just try to express myself who does not exist.

Shiloh_Wallace wrote:What do you think we do wrong?

I can't talk on behalf for the rest of us, but I do know myself and feel like I can share some things of note.

The main thing is I put all my self-worth into other people. In other words, I believe that who I hang out with makes me. So I find people that I romanticise and idealise, and then fall head over heels for them (not just romantically, sometimes I get 'obsessed' with platonic friends) and you know what they say, the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long. So the friendship, the relationship, whatever, it hits an iceberg because I was in love with a fantasy all along. The illusion breaks, and then I lose my friends, my lover. My self-esteem plummets. I go into a dark time. Then I find someone again. It happens over and over and over. I can never be alone, because it fills the void. But it really doesn't, don't you think?

A second observation that is related to the first point: I seek out people just like me. I am attracted to people as self-destructive as me. Even better if they have other problems - alcoholism, commitment phobia, sex addiction, whatever. As long as you've got a problem, I'm drawn to you like a moth to a flame. I think I can save you. Of course, I cannot. And then we fall apart, and so it begins.

The third - I love drama. It makes me feel important. I like to be melodramatic. I like to read books about dysfunctional characters and behave like them. It's got a bit to do with the grandiose delusions that sometimes surface when our brains are all screwy. I think acting like a character in a novel makes people remember me. I'd rather be known as the crazy girl than to be forgotten!

I think a combination of these three things make people less inclined to be around me. I'm troublesome to be around - most don't want such problems in their lives.

Of course, these are unhealthy behaviours, and I am working to change them. I hope this helps you a little.

All this helps. I wish there was a way to not expect so much from your acquaintances and to be able to put yourself in a safe zone when you meet new people that is not acting entirely antisocial. I also wish there was a manual to know who I am and love whoever that person might be. All the points help because I need to learn to focus more on myself, however people does that...