How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

witchessabbath wrote:Haha ew, she does sound gross. I wonder why she wants to mimic BPD so much. I know when I'm st my worst, my mind almost romanticized my own tendencies, but more the anything I just hate myself.

What you're saying makes sense, though. About why it bothers you even though she's kind of nasty.

I know. It's this way for almost everyone I've befriended. I don't know why they try to hate me so much, I practically made all of them.
I'm like a mother with all my tiny histrionic children.

I was fine..until I had the good idea to spy just a little bit... And now I'm sad... They're still together... Life 's so unfair... She seems happy. How could that be? Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I can't be loved. I don't know why I'm crying now, it's so stupid. ###$ them. I hate them.

blackandwhiterainbow wrote:I was fine..until I had the good idea to spy just a little bit... And now I'm sad... They're still together... Life 's so unfair... She seems happy. How could that be? Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I can't be loved. I don't know why I'm crying now, it's so stupid. ###$ them. I hate them.

Hey blackandwhiterainbow, im sorry to admit but ive done this in the past too, and yes it seems a "harmless" thing to do "just a peek" ive always thought in some situations "ignorance is bliss" what i don't know wont hurt kind of thing...and then wham ..ive found myself doing it again. i know the disappointment you feel i really do now you have to forgive yourself and go and distract your mind try not to give in to the self blame ..come on ...you can do this.

(i have to go to work in an hour) sorry for short reply

Thank you for these comforting words Echinacea. I have distracted my mind, playing FF8 (oh the souvenirs). And I'll be in good company this afternoon...

Guilty for things I've done. Also, lethargic, pensive, feeling sorry for myself for things that happened to me, annoyed, waves of sort of feeling okay and anger and disgust with my self for talking to him and with the strange man who came up and poked me at a social event and I talk to him out of panic even though I didn't want. Feeling contaminated by that encounter even though it happened three months ago.

blackandwhiterainbow wrote:Thank you for these comforting words Echinacea. I have distracted my mind, playing FF8 (oh the souvenirs). And I'll be in good company this afternoon...


I wish you a very nice day then.

Hey thats brilliant, im glad it helped

"Its so sad people don't follow my advice." Your f*cking advice? So when I told you from the beginning that drugs are ######6 stupid that was YOUR advice? When I told you you're gonna end up stupid and damaged that was YOUR ADVICE? Im so tired of everyone completely discrediting me in their attempts to be "deep". None of what she said was original NOR was it unheard of. Jesus Christ.

I feel bad and discouraged about myself.

I wanted to make this long weekend coming up special for F cause we actually have some cash to go away. I decided to ask my friends if they had any ideas of how I could make it nice. And all they did was crack jokes at my expense. If they were guy friends, whatever, to be expected - but I asked my female friends and I actually really wanted the help.

I guess I get it. All i ever do is joke, I'm never serious with them, so that's the dynamic we have established. I don't get all touchy and serious and dramatic like I do on here. And tbh, I don't think they see me as very mature...I don't take a lot of things seriously, I look young and I dress like I am young, I'm very "light" all the time, biologically I'm 27 but in every other respect I'm like a high school boy and I know I am different from my peers in that sense.

But I can't help it. This is just how I am - it's my personality, it's also the level I am at emotionally for now because of the things I have been through.

I just want to feel taken seriously for once, especially the one time I open up personally to my friends. I may seem younger than I am, and I may be a jokester, but I think I have my life enough together to deserve that.

I wish I was more sympathetic towards people im close to. I like being lonely because if I'm around anyone Im fairly close to it feels all to good to rip them to bits.
My friend hadn't contacted me in a week so I became a borderline narc cocktail of abandonment issues and damaged ego. I of course went straight for the jugular and got myself blocked, but whatever. I feel like being lonely builds character for me, I guess that's the only way I can accept it. If it was only doing me harm and no benefit I'd just be even angrier. I don't know. Im trying is all, I just feel like I've given up.

friscodyke wrote:I wish I was more sympathetic towards people im close to. I like being lonely because if I'm around anyone Im fairly close to it feels all to good to rip them to bits.
My friend hadn't contacted me in a week so I became a borderline narc cocktail of abandonment issues and damaged ego. I of course went straight for the jugular and got myself blocked, but whatever. I feel like being lonely builds character for me, I guess that's the only way I can accept it. If it was only doing me harm and no benefit I'd just be even angrier. I don't know. Im trying is all, I just feel like I've given up.

If that were the case for me, I'd have far too much character. lol