Why does love hurt so much? *TW*

I think it happens to me because I tend to want to enmesh with someone. I want to focus my life around them. It keeps me from focusing on mine and distracts me from loneliness.

This quote and a number of others here are not exclusive to people with personality disorders. (I don't think anyone is actually saying this, though.)

It's fairly common for people to have ill-defined boundaries and use relationships to distract themselves from whatever they don't want to deal with.

My guess is that is what drives obsessions. I also don't think that having obsessions excludes love in some form. On the other hand I don't know what love as a feeling is. I tend to think of love as acts.

i was about to start a new topic concerning the same question!

i guess to put it simply, it hurts because there is that deep core wound inside of us that longs for that love. and by healing this wound, all that energy we put loving towards another person, we give that to ourselves.

btw. my last relationship was the same as what everyone shared on this post.
it took me to fall apart, feel like i was going to die because the person i became attached is no longer there. it took me awhile to stop the blame and flipped it inwards. he made me look at the things that i was too afraid to accept within myself - my shadow self!

after almost a few years of being apart, i can finally see what true love is through the connection. i am able to thank him now and see the experience with a whole set of new eyes. it was a gift!

it really takes a whole lot of courage to face our ego / our shadow self and at least walk towards a path from being unconscious to consciousness. there is still a huge amount of healing for me .. and i know this is an ongoing process at least. it is not an easy path, but i can say that it is well worth it in the end.. just have FAITH!

freyja wrote:This quote and a number of others here are not exclusive to people with personality disorders. (I don't think anyone is actually saying this, though.)

It's fairly common for people to have ill-defined boundaries and use relationships to distract themselves from whatever they don't want to deal with.

Personality disorders on the whole are exaggerated forms of thoughts, issues, and behaviors that neurotypical people struggle with. People without BPD may want to build their lives around significant others as a form of distraction but they don't usually lash out or push their significant other away whenever they feel that that relationship is threatened. Nor do they self-harm or become suicidal if it ends.

You're bordering on being invalidating. Don't try to equate behaviors that can cause PwBPD a lot of distress and pain with what "normal" people may struggle with. It's like going up to a person with bi-polar and saying "oh some people get moody too like when they're on their period".

Amorous Destruction,

I didn't appreciate that my remarks could come across as being invalidating to the people here, so I appreciate your feedback. It was not my intent. As a non I was expressing that I could relate in my own personal experience of getting enmeshed as a distraction from my own problems. It's been a big issue for me, not that it goes to the lengths that it can in pwBPD as per what you wrote;

Don't try to equate behaviors that can cause PwBPD a lot of distress and pain with what "normal" people may struggle with.

If you look at what I quoted:

I think it happens to me because I tend to want to enmesh with someone. I want to focus my life around them. It keeps me from focusing on mine and distracts me from loneliness.

I was relating to that quote and did not equate behaviors. In any case I'll try to be more alert to how things could be interpreted.

AmorousDestruction wrote:

freyja wrote:This quote and a number of others here are not exclusive to people with personality disorders. (I don't think anyone is actually saying this, though.)

It's fairly common for people to have ill-defined boundaries and use relationships to distract themselves from whatever they don't want to deal with.

Personality disorders on the whole are exaggerated forms of thoughts, issues, and behaviors that neurotypical people struggle with. People without BPD may want to build their lives around significant others as a form of distraction but they don't usually lash out or push their significant other away whenever they feel that that relationship is threatened. Nor do they self-harm or become suicidal if it ends.

You're bordering on being invalidating. Don't try to equate behaviors that can cause PwBPD a lot of distress and pain with what "normal" people may struggle with. It's like going up to a person with bi-polar and saying "oh some people get moody too like when they're on their period".

That's a great reply, AD. Very well written and absolutely true.
And I can totally understand the bipolar comparison since I'm bipolar too and yes, it is annoying when people invalidated my opinions before I got officially diagnosed bipolar.

freyja wrote:
I didn't appreciate that my remarks could come across as being invalidating to the people here, so I appreciate your feedback. It was not my intent. As a non I was expressing that I could relate in my own personal experience of getting enmeshed as a distraction from my own problems. It's been a big issue for me, not that it goes to the lengths that it can in pwBPD as per what you wrote.

Thank you for writing that. It's actually really nice to hear someone acknowledge that they may have accidentally been invalidating. I understand where you're coming from. I just usually deal with non's bearing my teeth and I may have been a tad testy. But thanks for addressing it.