have you had a friend with benefits?

How did it go? Did one of you fall for the other, if so who was it that did? I feel like most of these do not end well and someone gets hurt.

Just wanted others to share their stories with me on this!

Had one. We were clear with each other from the start about what kind of relationship it was. I started to like him, but it was purely sexual for him. I ended up going all BPD on him. It was TERRIBLE. He found a girlfriend. Would get drunk and be bitter and jealous and terrorizing. We're all friends now, in the aftermath, but it caused a lot of pain and suffering in the aftermath, and I don't think I'll try it again.

I've had lovers. I've had non-monogamous relationships. Yet, I've never had a FWB. I think it's just a recipe for disaster. I distinguish my lovers from my friends, even if we aren't in a "relationship", because it's a very different kind of relationship.

I've never really heard of it working out for other people and I talk pretty openly with my friends about sex. It's a tall order for the average neuro-typical person and I think it's extra hard for a person with BPD. Inevitably your mind wanders to "so you're attracted enough to me to want to f*ck me, you like my personality enough to be friends with me, but you don't want to date me? What's wrong with me?" Or at least that's how I see it playing out in my mind.

You know yourself best and if you are truly confident that you can make it work for you, that's cool. Don't expect the other person to fall for you or for it to turn into a relationship. If you're getting into a FWB situation with that idea in mind, you're pretty much asking to get hurt.

Bottom line: I wouldn't risk it. If you weigh the best possible outcome against the worst possible outcome, it becomes fairly clear that it isn't a good idea. Anyway, it's much more fun to just be $lutty and sleep with different people (with safe sex of course) because who doesn't love variety!

The only way i've seen it work is for example a lesbian hooking up with guys. Otherwise one is bound to get attached.

yeah i have. he was one of the first guys i was ever with in a sexual way. we were friends, but sometimes i felt like he wanted more. he'd pull away though, so it was always kind of confusing. but i enjoyed it while it lasted. we still talk to each other, and sometimes i think he regrets not pursuing me in ernest while he had the opportunity.

when i got pregnant he was depressed/upset. he even told me "that should be my baby."

i was taken aback and kind of annoyed. i waited for him for years and he never asked me out.

we started out just dry humping, making out, and oral. i was a virgin and i wasn't sure i wanted to lose it to him. later after i had a boyfriend and lost it, we eventually hooked up. it wasn't romantic like it should have been. he had idealized me by then, and he was disillusioned. but he always considered me his best friend. Throughout the years though there would be a million mixed signals and he'd tell other people he wanted to date me and he loved me, but he never said it to my face. i am so insecure that i never confronted him about it.

now he's single and depressed and we hardly talk.

the last time i saw him he came over to my house and met my current boyfriend. the entire time he was trying to establish dominance over him and try to claim ownership of me since he has known me longer. it was kind of embarassing for him only i'm not sure he knew that. he would just go on and on about how things used to be between the two of us, and how close we used to be. It didnt' phase my bf at all, [he's very sure of himself].

there was one time when i first started dating another ex of mine, he did the same thing with him, and he kept giving him pointers on how i like to be kissed, or how i like to be touched. my bf at the time was kind of apalled and insecure so he felt threatened. my friend got up and tried to take me outside with him to talk. he had me by the hand and my boyfriend took my other hand and started pulling me away from my friend so i wouldn't go outside with him. IT WAS RIDICULOUS. my other friends were there [it was at a party] and they were just watching with their mouths open LOL. i finally told them to stop playing tug of war with me and i told my friend that he needed to go talk with someone else. soon after that he started dating a girl i knew who was trying to be my bestie. [turns out she had a lesbian crush on me but that's a story for another time] It seemed like he only dated her because he wanted to make me feel jealous.

i should stop rambling now LOL
in conclusion fwb can be confusing if the two people aren't mature enough to handle the situation. and you have to be able to compartmenatlize sex and feelings.

Way back in my high school days only. Kinda interesting being in a group of friends and knowing you sleep with most of the girls in the group.
Since i was 18 i have been in nothing but long term relationships. Which i find better.

My concern would be: what are their reservations for not going long-term?

No, I havent.
It doesnt fit in with my beliefs. Someone's gonna get hurt, or theres nothing there to begin with.

It's all or nothing. Not picking up the best parts.

no a-la-cart for you?
ppl want their cake and eat it too
this and the lack of real connections (i have 1000fb friends)
are 2 of the biggest problems today

you are right someone usualy get s hurt with something like this
someone wants more (expects)
someone stops and starts a relationship with someone als (jealousy)
i Always see girls wanting more from mee even if i told them there cannot be more
it's only human
it's liek working for a company and than you get layed off i never think that company ows me something
just like i don't ow this company annything (jobhopping)

madjoe wrote:ppl want their cake and eat it too

So true. I was going to type this.
..But things are not always that simple. Thats life.
Decisions decisions.