have you had a friend with benefits?

sure it is
ppl are just afraid of it
1st off you must know what you want
and the scare but is if you want something it can hurt you
2 go get it
don't go complain about how hard is
keep going untill you get it or untill it kills you
if you give up b4 that you didn't really wanted it

madjoe wrote:keep going untill you get it or untill it kills you

Dont tell me, giving up is for fools. I've been killed few times.
..But enough is enough.

i'm saying ppl invist to little and give up to fast (ofc i was exaggerating)

In the old days, that was called "a good marriage". Big dif was that you first had to go through the romance.

No, I've never had one. I don't think it would work for me.

For people it works for, I think it's splendid.

I like the "good marriage" comment. That was cute.

I've posted this exact thread under the relationship forum and while people on here didn't think it was a good idea, the people over no the relationship forum not only looked down upon it but one basically said i was being a slut if i did that which really bothered me. Even if its strangers, I do care about what others think of me. Maybe its part of the whole BPD in me but i do want everyone to like me. And i guess to be called a slut is very offensive because this whole friends with benefits/f*ck buddy whatever he is isn't something I normally do or have ever really done.

I have NOT had sex with him yet. But the more I discuss this with everyone, the more I dont want to.

also, i dont think I'm cut out for it. I texted him thursday night and I STILL haven't heard back from him. I feel brushed off and disregarded and I have to realize this is how its SUPPOSED to be in this type of relationship and thats not what I want. Being disregarded upsets me. I know, maybe I should have been aware of this before even thinking of this but my emotions have really been ALL over the place lately.

As much as I am hurt by the comments on the relationship forum, it has helped me put into perspective the kind of fire I would have walked into if i gave him oral or had intercourse with him.

No really_imfine,

I don't read sub forums because I'm having difficulty with the few I do read, but I'm sorry people called you a slut. It probably has more to do with societal restriction upon their own person, than it has with you. They assume you should be bound to what they deem societally correct, rather than follow your own values.

I've called 3 people sluts in my life, and I regret it with every fiber of my being. I meant to call them azzholes and lairs, but slut is what slipped out. Even the azzhole and liar comment was out of line, but it was more in line with what I was thinking than slut.

What does slut mean anyways? Seems to have more to do with how others perceive your actions, than it has to do with your actual actions. A slut to one person, is a lover and genuine person to another.

If you know you wouldn't feel comfortable after making the leap, it's good you backed out before hand. Much less chance of regret this way.

Thank you for your reply Tryingtosurvive.

I thought the same thing too: what makes someone a slut? I even responded with telling one of the users that our definition of slut is clearly different. But this friends with benefits idea was something i was indecisive about. I guess that is why I came on this forum to see what others thought about it and if they regretted it before i did it. Some peoples responses had helped me reinforce my initial beliefs about it being a bad idea so in the end it was good posting this.

I'm glad you made some sense of your situation and people helped you.

The term slut has virtually no positive relevance. A man or women who runs around offering sex can mean a variety of things. It can be the result of past sexual abuse, extreme low self esteem, some serious physical disease of the brain. People throwing the word around like they know a person, can be nails in an already abused persons coffin. Hence the reason I regret using it. (But if I explained you might understand why I did. No excuses though). Even calling someone an azzhole and liar is out of line, as those behaviors come from somewhere.

I do believe some people are capable of having a friends with benefits relationship though. Not me, but some. Special, free, open minded people with amazing, almost super human self esteem perhaps. I don't see anything wrong with it from a moral perspective or anything.

Too bad for your friend as I'm sure they are not happy about missing out, but I'm glad you came to a conclusion which aligns with your conscience.

TryingTosurvive45 wrote:
Too bad for your friend as I'm sure they are not happy about missing out, but I'm glad you came to a conclusion which aligns with your conscience.

Ha! Before i got the chance to call it quits with the guy, he texted me today saying how we can't hang out because I agreed to us being exclusive and if either of us can't to tell the other. He met up with "an old flame" friday night and one thing led to another.

so... guess he's not missing out. the jokes on me.