I miss the kids

My ex had kids and I lived with her. I was a major player in raising them even. I put a lot of emotional stock in them and I worry about them constantly. I miss them so bad. I don't get to be a part of them growing up anymore.


I don't want kids anymore. Not my own or a girl's kids. The more adorable, the more dangerous. Watch this.

Me to the 5 year old ASD genius: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Him: I already am a blue pirate spacebar robot t-rex space ship.

Awesome.


Same question to the 4 year old little girl. What do you want to be?
With my mommy and my [caustic's name].

Jeez. Those kids had my heart. I am torn up and miss them I look through pictures of my old family and keep asking myself if I should have stayed and put up with it to be there for them.

I'm sorry to hear that.Is there no possibility of you seeing them?

x

Looking through them pictures is going to be no help to you. It may be best to put them away until a later time.

I don't know the story of why you are no longer with her but if it wasn't a healthy relationship for you then it wouldn't have been for the kids either.

That must be hard Caustic


I have to be careful when I nanny kids because I do get attached and its hard for them too

I still have to drive up there at some point for the rest of my things. She said I could come up.there while the kids were there or while they aren't. my decision. I guess that is what I am contemplating.

Is it better for them to be there or not?

it will be heart wrenching either way. there will be tears...are you ready for that? i'm so sorry you're having to deal with this pain. the charm and dazzle of a child can be intoxicating.

Caustic wrote:Is it better for them to be there or not?

You need to do whatever you think is best in the situation. It is you who were a part of their life. You will be the one with the best answer.

What explanation is being giving to the kids

If you do go to see them maybe you could take something special to leave with them. For when they think of you.

This is just sad. And no doubt painful.

This makes me incredibly sad to read. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. It will be hard no matter what decision you make, so take as long as you need to think about it and decide. My heart goes out to you through this. I know it's hard.

What explanation is being giving to the kids

That mom and I get along better when we are apart, and I went away to school because of that.

Caustic wrote:

What explanation is being giving to the kids

That mom and I get along better when we are apart, and I went away to school because of that.

Then if you have the strength to do it I would see them. If you loved them then tell them that. Give them hugs and leave them with good memories of you. I think the most difficult part of doing this would be doing it without an emotional breakdown. Which considering they are only 4 and 5 would be important not to happen because you wouldn't want for them to feel responsible for that sadness and they would at that age be unable to understand.

This is just my opinion though.