BDD and My Girlfriend.

Hey Guys, Nice to meet you all and I hope someone can help me. Sorry if its a hard read my minds all over the shop.

My girlfriend has been recently diagnosed with BDD. She has recently started thinking that she is no good for me from what I understand about 4/5 days ago she broke up with me for no reason. Just out of the blue after calming her down and discussing it with her I found out the above reason she thought I could do better and didnt want to go out with a 'crazy', 'mad' women etc

Im trying my hardest to keep her happy and I just want her to 'calm down' and stop worrying about her image because she is truley beautiful and thinking that she is going to die, its heart breaking to see my bubbly sweet girlfriend turn into a depressed BDD victim.

Tonight she broke up with me again this led me to google (wikipedia was no help) but i did find this forum. How can i comfort her and make her understand how much I love her and want to be with her?

Can anyone help me with how they felt having suffered/suffering with BDD? or even people who are in the same shoes as me?

She has been to the doctor and she will be going onto fluxotine shortly (has anyone got experiance with this drug) And her doctor has signed her up to MIND a organisation to help her (with a 4 month waiting list)

As you can tell i truley dont know what to do, I wont leave my girlfriend alone to battle BDD and I will stick by her forever however hard it gets but at the moment its really beating me down aswell.

Thanks Guys
Snakeman (yes I keep snakes)

Hi Snakeman

I am sorry you are both going through this.

Fluoxetine is an antidepressant. I have been on it for other reasons with few problems except it sent me high - but I am bipolar.

Another treatment for BDD is therapy and I wonder whether this would be good for your girlfriend.

Mind is a great organisation so have patience for the referral - there are things in Mind that can be joined in with which dont have a waiting list such as social and arts events although she may not want to because of how she is feeling about herself. But if she could manage to go I think it would help her with her self esteem and confidence.

She will truly believe you should not be with her. BDD is like OCD about a body part and ppl become convinced that there is something hideously wrong with them at times. Try to reassure her although I know this may become frustrating for you.

I hope with meds, therapy and time she will start to do better.

Cracked

Hi Snakeman,

I'm really sorry to,

I thought I'd tell you what it's like for me and mabey that will give you some insight as to how your girlfriend is feeling.

I constantly think about how unattractive I am, how worthless I am and it doesn't matter how many times people try to tell me differently, I don't believe them. I think they are just saying it because they feel bad for me.
When I look in the mirror it makes me want to scream, and cry.

You said crazy mad woman,that's also howi feel! And I can't ever imagine anyone wanting to be with me, I never let anyone get close.

I have a blog in here and you could read it if you like, there's good days and bad days, but maybe it will help you understand, I don't know. Everyone is different and the way your girlfriend is feeling may be completely different, but I hope it helps.

She's very lucky to have you,
Katrina

hi,
I don't know when you have written it but ı will reply. I was diagnosed as BDD last year. I can understand her. I have a worse situation. I cannot love anyone, beacause I don't believe men. I think they are teasing with me or they are waiting something else like abusing sexually so I hate men who want to date me. I didn't have a serious relationship and I am 24.
decide what to do firstly. Do you really like her? If you don't want, wait her to break up with you. If you do this, she will hate herself more. ıt will destroy her. or if you want to go on, be patient. she doesn't do this to make you unhappy. She is unhappy actually. there are good days for these people. they are generally normal on these days. but on bad days she will be unreasonably angry. try to keep her calm. or let her go home ,sleep and cry for days. she will be good again and come again when she feels normal.
be determined and try to persuade her she is worthy.

hey,

well...I'd say..maybe don't even tell her she's beautiful, maybe just dont talk about how she looks at all... because it'll trigger her to think about it. but....if i were you, i'd show her that you've been researching BDD and really trying to figure out ways to help her because I think that would make her feel better.

tell her a lot of people get depressed or have mental problems, or get cancer or an illness like that and that the brain is an organ just like any organ and you won't leave her even if she's sick. because she is sick.

good luck too you and i hope she feels better

Hi Snakeman,

It's really heart warming to see what your willing to do for her, as a BDD sufferer myself you find it hard to convince yourself that you are worth loving by anyone.

I have had it from the other side of the coin, i suffered a mini break down where I couldn't hide my 'personal issues' from my girlfriend anymore and basically confessed my BDD, she promptly abandoned me for someone else.

I hope it works out better for you two which i'm hopeful it will as you seem to have the empathy and patience that partners of BDD sufferers require.

All the best.

Oh man, I can totally relate to this. I just recently started seeing someone, right around the time this problem hit me (for the second time in my life, might I add). I feel that my hands are too small for my body and so I feel like a freak, and that my new boyfriend will eventually become creeped out by me and dump me. Irrational, yes, probably, but it's the way I feel right now. So I can totally relate and imagine what she is going through. If her BDD is anything like mine she probably feels like a disgusting creature unworthy of love from a great guy and that she will be dumped for someone better, someone NORMAL.

I wish I had advice, but like the others said, the best thing is to probably just be there for her and not focus on it too much (distraction is very important for this disorder because no amount of focusing makes it better - in fact, it makes it worse and yet despite that I continue to focus *sigh*). Encourage her to see a therapist, particularly one who specializes in treating BDD or he or she may not know how to handle it properly. And maybe get her to read The Broken Mirror by Katherine Phillips.

I hope she gets better ASAP and that the two of you stay together.

If your girlfriend constantly asks you how she looks, do not reassure her. It only leads to a viscous circle whereby she will need more reassurance, and more often. You can tell her she looks fine/beautiful, but does she immediately ask again? In any case, it may alleviate her worries for a short while, but is destructive in long-term. Seeking reassurance is a trait among BDD'ers. She may seek reassurance by trying to notice if other guys are "checking her out" - I don't mean to be a jerk, but this is my experience. If girls other than my girlfriend noticed me - made eye contact, gave compliment/etc. - it made me happy. BDD'ers feelings are totally controlled by how they think they look. A few strategies I have learned includes realizing belief u are ugly is are just subjective opinion - not a fact, stop staring in mirror/anything (car window) to examine how u look, stop reacting to belief by seeking reassurance, mirror checking, further worrying. Ironically, from my experience, BDD'ers are actually more attractive than general population in general. Going to a psychiatrist w/ expertise w/ BDD is crucial. Meds are usually needed, and not just one will help often. Behavioral/cognitive therapy is also essential.

noseman wrote:If your girlfriend constantly asks you how she looks, do not reassure her. It only leads to a viscous circle whereby she will need more reassurance, and more often. You can tell her she looks fine/beautiful, but does she immediately ask again? In any case, it may alleviate her worries for a short while, but is destructive in long-term. Seeking reassurance is a trait among BDD'ers. She may seek reassurance by trying to notice if other guys are "checking her out" - I don't mean to be a jerk, but this is my experience. If girls other than my girlfriend noticed me - made eye contact, gave compliment/etc. - it made me happy. BDD'ers feelings are totally controlled by how they think they look. A few strategies I have learned includes realizing belief u are ugly is are just subjective opinion - not a fact, stop staring in mirror/anything (car window) to examine how u look, stop reacting to belief by seeking reassurance, mirror checking, further worrying. Ironically, from my experience, BDD'ers are actually more attractive than general population in general. Going to a psychiatrist w/ expertise w/ BDD is crucial. Meds are usually needed, and not just one will help often. Behavioral/cognitive therapy is also essential.

Hey Noseman.
Research also indicates that people with BDD tend to be above average in general attractiveness.
I'm curious are you seeing a psychiatrist at the moment or going through CBT? Have you had positive experiences with meds? Thanks

I didn't care for being told I was beautiful. I didn't believe it. However, I really wished someone could make me feel like I was. Going the opposite route is horrible too, where they just agree that I'm ugly or not that great.

I think having someone who loves her and is neither holding back frustration nor venting it is good. Empathy is best since it is sincere and not about anger, repression, or retaliation. Noticing that others notice her and pointing it out is good, things other than just inserting the word beautiful before she can believe it are good.