BDD and My Girlfriend.

shutin wrote:I didn't care for being told I was beautiful. I didn't believe it. However, I really wished someone could make me feel like I was. Going the opposite route is horrible too, where they just agree that I'm ugly or not that great.

I think having someone who loves her and is neither holding back frustration nor venting it is good. Empathy is best since it is sincere and not about anger, repression, or retaliation. Noticing that others notice her and pointing it out is good, things other than just inserting the word beautiful before she can believe it are good.

I'm the same shutin, I hate people telling me I look beautiful or whatever. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I think they are lying to me because they feel sorry for me because I'm so hideous. But on the other hand I like it to know what people are thinking about the way I look so I constantly ask and then if they say I look good I start to think they are lying. It's like I'm trying to get someone to tell my I am ugly, I think I could accept that a lot better.

I do the same with asking. I'm not looking to be told I'm ugly even though I'd believe it better. Its like there is hope without basis for hope.

shutin wrote:I do the same with asking. I'm not looking to be told I'm ugly even though I'd believe it better. Its like there is hope without basis for hope.

That's so true! I guess I'm the same that way.

Ok i have i am man i am ugly.....I live in Poland. So i need find a girl who has the same problem to be friend on skype maybe. I have family in us btw.


So i could send you pics to jusdge if i am ok??


Plese be my firend and dont hesitate to write please

I suffer very much skype is good opotion ..........it woulde fine so??

I can accept anyone but not me:(

Hi everyone I am here to try and get some help and advice
My girlfriend has bdd I want to understand it more and be as supportive as she needs me to be.
The problem I have is that she tells me she loves me and our relationship has been going great I've never been happier in my life I know she is the one I'm so in love with her and thought she felt the same. But now she is telling me that she doesn't know how she feels about me and isn't sure what has caused her to feel like this and says I haven't done anything wrong I've ordered a copy of the broken mirror to help understand her bdd and I have always listened and supported her I tell her everyday how amazing she is how much I love her how she makes me feel I've read countless forums advice about bdd is this behaviour typical of a bdd sufferer or am I just using her condition to make excuse the fact that she just does not feel the same way about me
I feel like I am being selfish and a complete douche bag but I don't want to loose her and would very much love to spend the rest of my life with her and help her through her bad times
I've asked her if it is her bdd and she says she does not know how can I help her if she does not know what she feels

Any advice good or bad will be very much appreciated I do how ever feel like a selfish fool for coming on here I'm not the sufferer and I couldn't possibly understand how that feels but I just don't want to lose my girlfriend

I have written about 70 blog entries that might help you get a handle on the condition. Primarily this is a brain chemistry disorder that manifests to create a flaw hunter. The person then seeks out flaws. Their mind becomes consumed by fears and so they spend their time doing compulsions to find relief.

It is totally understandable that your girlfriend cannot generate the good feelings you manage to do. It is her BDD. Her BDD keeps her dredging the past and how bad she feels about her looks. From that vantage point she doesn't have access to feeling good about you. Even all your words don't make an impact on her. Your words will feel shallow to her as she has no connection herself to allow her to feel good about anything much. In the midst of your own sadness you just can't switch on happiness.
Once you know it really is her BDD and not anything you are doing you might lighten up on yourself. You just can't talk her out of this. All you can do is align yourself with the happiest person you can be. Do things the two of you can enjoy. Don't press her because all she will do is fake happy and then the effort will be too much and she will want out. So manage your own happy feelings is the best and wisest strategy. If you need a break take one. If you are right for each other she will be there when this is over.

You can help her too by learning to express appreciation for just the stuff around you.
That sounds like:
' Love the sun shining on you, love clouds, love wind, love the colour red, love chocolate, love fog on the window. love that car, love that movie. Just keep the list going and you can turn her on to positives. It works if she is willing to go with you without resistance. If she thinks it is #### then you are only annoying.

Many BDDers do benefit from medications and a lot of distraction. They need to find their own happy spot. Nice you want her. It says a lot about the person you are that can see past the illness.