The Importance to understand people are not on my side as I thought they were. I thought I was respected or or creating friendships; I was not; deep down; Im not respected and hated or they have contempt and a disgust and a mistrust; as if Im looked at as the worst lowest level of status within a group of people; just a complete disgust;
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I asked a friend if he would back me to help me with a car if I bought one. What I found; Hes not my brother; hes not my friend.. I was a bit shocked but not; For God pre emted my ability to ask someone for help and find out what their real opinion is of me; and I did this with others as well. People smile at me; but deep down have no respect for me and feel the worst kind of feelings as they think they are super superior to me; see me as as bum or loser.
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The importance of understanding this is; I ask first and find out; I tell them who I am to start with; and find out from the beginning what they think of me. And They think nothing of me. I know this because Ive thrown Ideas out in front of others first; and then I find out how they feel about me.
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This is not bad; its bad; but Im getting this information to straiten me up under God; and they are not sent by God to help me…
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I must remember where Im at. And I am or have. I continue to work with God and get a recall of reality; the people I thought were on my side were not. They were faking smiles and were never on my side.
Ill continue to work with God. I must remember the world. And where Im thinking Ive got friends I have no friends; I just think I do…
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And after praying about it; I got nowhere. I do not feel God or my inner being is with these people. I didn’t know that. I was completely fooled. I guess I need to wake up. And I am… its kind of a heart break. However; its also in a time period Im starting to be kind to the world outside. What all this means is; Im not supported the way I thought I was. Who knows how Im actually looked at by these people; Im starting to see a view of it; horrible… Deplorable. They think they are superior and I inferior. Its almost like being ganged up on and I never even knew it was happening; I thought I was getting somewhere. I wasnt;
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I do bring up relational stuff; I tell them; I know we have mixed company and I will talk about relational stuff; However; Im starting to see the sick looks from some of them; the younger women; who don’t appropriate my recovery talking about such things. I see more of; not a fear; almost an anger that I would attempt to even think I have that kind of status; where I looks like Im not even accepted; and I didn’t know that either. However; I do these things under God… And thus have gotten most of what I was attempting to work on; got it out into the open but it also gives me a real view of what people think of me; and that is nothing; they think nothing of me! They think everything of themselves… Well; I still pray for them. And Ill be back to work on my personal stuff but Ill stay clear of most of them.
Ill expect cut downs and jibes by them.
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I will continue alone away from those people. Keep working with God continually. Their is a place beyond hatred and contempt; and Im feeling that deeper level; its almost a contempt with prejudice covered with fake niceness. I was never liked or wanted in the first place by these people; I never saw it by some of them who I thought were friends; they are not; I was just being played. But it took guts for me to ask for help the way I did tonight but it shows the reality of things with those people; They are not on my side…
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I will work with my higher power on who is. Amen!
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I will also learn that although Im a legend in my own mind; I guess no one else things so.
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I will have to work with my higher power on whom Im suppose to actually get help from.
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pre emtivenees; finding out what others think of me ...

[ Continued ]

What is the success Im looking for concerning women; What is the insight God has shown me; what is the essence; the Gold needed…
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Different colors; different shades; different forms of Confidence…
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What will attract women; Confidence.
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With self confidence; I appear differently to them and my energy is of a different type of person. And already Ive had a striking different response from women; Its incredible. Suddenly many women seem almost what appears kind of a well; Attraction; their not just being nice. I mean; its as if the whole world has changed before my eyes…
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Where I used to see nothing but negative; Now I see allot of people attracted to me… Its like belonging to a different planet…
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I truly may be the change in my own energy and the way I look because of that confidence and energy; Im a more attractive person who is much more willing and open to receive. And merrier positives back. Its like a quantum shift. I mean; the whole world has suddenly shifted in my favor.
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Its as if Ive become popular and all these people are attracted to me… I mean… Ill certainly keep at this stuff Im working on.
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Confidence in different forms and shades is truly the key to attract women… For every reason…
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When look physically beautiful to a man…. They look like flowers
Men; Confidence is their Golden essence that attracts women…
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So; Ill just keep at this…
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Its not quite as good as Im claiming; but it is kind a… its s stark contrast; Im shocked. I had no idea Id change so many people around me simply by the way I look at them with confidence and new energy. Thats my feeling on it.
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Its all God; its all leading to my future with a wife and children and house and car…. Amen
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My opinions; my findings…
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Take what you like and leave the rest! Amen.

Confidence;
What does it mean…. ?
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Confidence is the sauce God has grabbed my attention with; For it is the gold Im looking to collect for the purpose of a girlfriend.
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Ive gotten to 2 areas; First; The confidence of consistency; What does that mean; Lets say Im walking down the isle of a Grocery store; I see a cute girl; She suddenly looks up at me and smiles; she smiles like she is attracted to me; Suddenly I get mad; and turn my head and feel scared; Why? NO CONFIDENCE at that consistent level. I need practice with people that I feel are cute and they like me. I need practice talking to them and walking up to them and saying hi and smiling while their attracted to me…. This kind of confidence is what I call consistency confidence. It means; at the frequency Im locally at; at the moment; and the girls I attract at this moment; I can consistantly confidently smile strait at them regardless of what or how their looking at me. I can walk right up when their attracted to me. I don’t have to go shy or bashful in front of them; That gets worked out through brutal amount of practice with others that gains confidence at an alarmingly strong level at that frequency.
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Frequency Confidence; What does this mean; It means; basically; Ill need the frequency to rise to a much higher level to attract much higher level people of what ever qualities Im looking for.
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I must match their frequency or Ill never meet them.
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Whats the difference between a cute poor girl and a cute rich girl. Only monetary frequency. If Im hanging out with rich people and Im at their frequency; Ill be able to date their women… First; I have to get to their frequency to be invited or even seen by them.
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What this means; My frequency goes from the level its at right now; and significantly rises.. Thus; I have to learn how to do this; it means becoming confidence at a much higher level within society.
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What are my advantages right now?
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First; I have an advantage most in my situation don’t have;
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I have;
A Built Foundation already established in a new universe of self; its a confidence developing ability established foundation.
I do not need someone for co dependency… I have an “ already” established Generator that creates confidence. Now; All I have to do is get more experience; that experience is sent to the generator and that Generator builds confidence I can apply out in the real world..
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This confidence Generator stores confidence built information; it holds it; stores it; and then with new confidence information; takes all the presiding confidence information and builds on it; creating a new more developed and stronger established confidence to meet a stronger need or to be more consistent.
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Most people Ive met do not have this; they have a false sense of confidence. Its contrived survival defense mechanism to make up for not having any real confidence… This can take many forms…
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In my case; I have a new authentic Confidence generator within myself already established and built; earned through years of adjusted research development and hard labor collecting the materials and facing the obstacles . I do not need anything from the outside; I have this generator. All I have to do is feed it new information through experience and it will do the rest; It will develop stronger levels of confidence.
It will develop consistency confidence over time if that is what I want to build with it.
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Frequency Confidence…; I know what it is; Ive been told vaguely how to develop it; but I do not know how to go from one level up to another; I know generally but not specifically with experience confidence.
I have risen in frequency; But I cant just snap my fingers; suddenly within 2 weeks; a planned higher level frequency of living is suddenly upon me; Well; Im not that good at this. Im kind of a beginner at this level of spiritual success development.
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Fr...

[ Continued ]

I have to be grateful for the things that are happening…
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I have to work with God to imagine I have plenty of new women and what those women act like… technically I have the recovery people and windows with the women that are in the meetings… SO. Ill work on that…
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Simply meaning; I learn to be myself; my real self around in certain meetings; I tell the truth; Soon people know me as I am. Im no more then that… and thats who I am.
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Ive been doing this lately… and its wonderful; Im really in the right places for the next level of my recovery.
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WOMEN?
Not at the meetings; Simply because they are not responding to me. Ive met some but they don’t want me. So… I mean…
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So; Im working with God and well; the meetings in general are working great; as for women; Well; God has to prepare me for outside the meetings into the real world where I have no experience.
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As for women in the meetings that work for me; Ill continue to appreciate everyone that is there in general because they are all helping me in my recovery; but the women are not accessible for me; They are not interested in me. I mean nothing to them; they see nothing in me… Im of no concern to them or interest.
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So; I assume that means God has plans for me outside the meetings to meet women. And so; the meetings Im in right now are preparing me for the outside world; to be myself. Im learning to be myself around others; this starts with a slow process of telling people who I am; who I want to be; and who I am not.
The part of “ Who I am not”; is working very well for me.
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Car and God;
I saw this car; but It feels right; but I don’t have a go-ahead from God; and if God and my inner being are not backing it up; Im not moving; Im not budging. I wont.. God has to prove himself or no movement.
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I am learning something about God; Dont throw away the opportunity with God; Give God a chance. Give God a chance to prove himself. But don’t let God off the hook. God has to come through; like a Father to a son… Or; No GO!
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And its more then a Father to a son; The the creator the universe to one of Gods creations that cries out for his help.
Why was I born if God is not going to even protect me while Im here… That says even the universe doesn’t want me; Why should I stay here. So; I look at God and say prove it; “ GOD! You didn’t protect me when I was a child; you let me die”; Why should I even attempt to trust you at all; What is the difference between you and Satan; You both want me Dead! Whats the point!
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Prove it first God; Or no GO!
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However; I do not make excuses to move on from God; Now I stick arround and work with God to prove; Let God have a chance…
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If I walk away from God; that is a secret excuse for me to go back into a carnal world where there is no God and live; Ive done that before; that did not work; there is no power without God.
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Ill stay with God; Keep praying but expect nothing until it shows up; Im only with God for only one reason; its not because I like God or feel safe with God or trust God; I DONT! But God has the power; and this power keeps me safe.
Its not that I don’t love the concept of God and Like God and care about God and love God; But God does not love me. Their is more to life and no life just because Im on this planet with or without power. Either way; they do not equate to a life I have asked God for…
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I ask God for a life; I expect to get it. Or at-least a sign God is sending me into the right direction for it.
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God is like a power; I ask God for food so God prepares me and then sends me into the land of supposed food. Im on the journey and the marks to the journey of supposed food within the land of food; and once in a while are markers to show Im going in the right direction; But after awhile theirs still no food.
When I finally get to where this might be food; Im told I have to p...

[ Continued ]

Strange things occurring… or new social developments.
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The one thing missing from my life is and always has been a girlfriend. That is someone that is a women that is a friend; best friend.. who I can rely on and love and care about.. and connect with… Is just been non existent my whole life.
It could be Ive not been around the right people.
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What ever the reason; Im a sensitive intelligent person; Im creative. No one is interested… never have been… Nothing…
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Most of the people Ive practiced on socially are in 12 step groups; and they are not the nicest people. Not the kinds of groups I go to. Lots of sociopaths and narcissists; so many things are based on looks in those places. Im old now…
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I believe God has at-least one person in mind for me…
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Ive had no one who is at the same level of my personality. No one even cares about my personality; nothing… No connection to the human race; nothing… No one. This does not make any sense to me….
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Im working with God on this right now… Im learning how to love again maybe this might help; I don’t know.
I do not believe God made me to be alone…
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Ive practiced with people in these meetings; mainly being played conned and manipulated.. Fair enough; not my cup a tea.
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Ive had women far far below my level of frequency act like they have an equal chance with me when they have no chance at anything…
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Ive been scared to venture out into the open world; Now; Im a bit less scared…
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Im not sure what level of people Im suppose to be around; but they need to be intelligent and sensitive. Ive had no money… and Ive used that as an excuse; but things are different because Im working with God. But still; I feel like Im going out into a hostile world.
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I feel like Im going out into a world where Ill be hated and rejected and scorned and laughed at. I have to imagined there are people out there that want to hook up with me as a boyfriend; God is sending the right women for this…
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I feel like Im not enough; like I don’t even qualify. No money; no house, no car… I cant let this stop me; but I live in a land of shallow people I feel.
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I can be convinced that this world does not want me… anything to do with me; thats the way its always been… They didn’t like Jesus either…
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Still; Everyone I meet; many of them are way way way way way way out of my league; to a point; it seems like they are all rich and spoiled or something. I don’t even qualify. Being a human being seems to mean nothing.
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So; I have my level of fears and humiliation.
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I guess I have to want it bad enough in Gods eyes to be at that frequency… I guess.
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I guess you have to be a Billionaire to have a girlfriend these days. ..
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Ill have to tuff it out and work with God…
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Im getting to a point where the 12 step groups are not needed for this.. they are; I mean; potentially for family like people; so Im not alone; but Not for dating… Mainly because Ive already learned what I have to learn to show Im coming back socially again.
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If no one sees me as long term relationship material; Im around the wrong people. Im scared to death that the right people would never accept me… So; Ill have to work with God on this…
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I would think a sensitive intelligent nice real person authentic would be attractive to people; Ive not found that to be the case; They are more interested in thugs either from jails or rich sociopaths with constant money flow.
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I will continue to work with God. Technically Ive never been around anyone that cared about me ever.. nothing! Zero….. Those are not the kind of people I want to bring into my life.
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Im scared that the kind of people I want to bring into my life are way way way out of my league… They have found quality people that bring in several hundred thousand dollars a year in finance. Im out of luck is the way it feels. But I have to work with God on it.
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Something is ...

[ Continued ]