Deleting Blog

RR 100%
2 weeks (14 days sober)!
I did really well at work today but I am feeling drained tonight. Going to a 12 step meeting tomorrow night. Did some recovery related reading as part of today's recovery work.

girls and boys who have reached adulthood well and can retain their happiness helping others buzz off them.
When I look back on my childhood my parents would take us away from distractions to see the world in a cheap way. I appreciated this.
However when they split up they obviously lost their ways with each other and were entangled in a brawl using me and my other siblings as go between's.
I don't like it when women and men linger an overly justified negative view of each other after they split up.
It might not always be love but why all the bull I wish they would sort their egos out.

I know today that most the things that has been going on inside my life was outside my control.

I know that there were few or little things that i could have said then that would have made any different outcome.

At the time most of these things happened i was too young to realize what i should do about them.
Solving problems takes a lot of knowledge and i didn`t have all that knowledge at that time.

I keep wishing that my friend had met someone who had or my neighbour or the dog for that matter!

Learning about the harshness in life is never a good experience, it can take years for those wounds to mend properly.

Sometimes they make me feel worn out and sometimes they can make feel stronger.
I remember "E" my friend giving me a letter before i went for one of my trips, she insisted that i didn`t open it until i sat on the plane.

Inside the letter was a card that said "Thank you for being such a good friend".

It touched every nerve part inside of me...

Death isn`t about life its about losing someone who mattered especially to me, maybe not the whole world read those words, and maybe the fat guy sitting next to me didn`t understand why my eyes became tear filled.

Without her in my life i wouldn`t have know what true friendship was about. Her spirit is always here with me.

I had friends before she came into my life who didn`t give a rats tail for my feelings, and here she was serenading me for only being her friend.

I haven`t been proud of myself for many things but that moment there she proved to me that i hadn`t been a f... up in my last friendship and that i still had something inside me that was worth sharing with others.
That is what this one person managed to tell me with such few words.

So i hope this letter inspires YOU! to give some of these words out to someone you love too, because they can mean a great difference in somebody`s head.
And they can be remembered for years even after the relationship is over.

So go out and love some more!

A bit ironic that we named the cat for Missy.....

So. I have come across a new realization to a problem I may have. I always assumed myself to be an affectionate person. I have a strong motherly instinct, I fawn over friends, bathe animals with affection and adore children and babies. I've always romanticized the idea of one day falling in love with a guy and getting married etc. The problem is, I can't seem to feel real affection for any boy I date. Yes there's an initial attraction at first but it either quickly fades if circumstances change or if I end up sexually physical with them, I immediately lose interest. I can't seem to remain attached to a significant other. I know I'm capable of loving but I can't seem to apply it to myself in the context of dating. Why is that?