I see different misunderstood substrates of the mind I can look at myself whilst building up micro flakes of gold in my eye with the right honey. I can use the mind like a TARDIS it depends how at peace and excited is the mind ect.

So in front is a quantum signature momentum field that both forwards the quantum signature momentum and draws energy for the process.
Behind the field is a forward driving internal jet energy concentrator. Along with that is a photonic derived space where the crew live in a different state of being. Behind that is the energy collector and hybrid graphene aluminum sulfide capacitor array and it can be green not tearing up energy.

yes I'm going to deal in legal herbs and supplements.
This is my businesses model
I keep learning where good optimal's lye for good useful safe herbs and supplements with a good lot of r and d making sure i avoid where there's condition related risk.
This leaves me loads of options.
I could be like a modern day witch but a good witch one that proceeds with care and respect for life.
So I have all me ever better research potions and tools and what I do is wait for the first person to complain to me about something I know can be medicinally helped in time after so many people start knocking at my door because you know some legal stuff is rare other stuff people just want to pay a couple of quid they don't need the whole tub.
If questioned on the ethics of what I do I could show how it's healthier and greener too share natural remedies than for everyone to buy at a larger scale as it is less waste but I'll take em on in the courts any day and I'll be doing my utmost to make sure i'm not at fault with my intervention never mind how much the medical establishment ducks responsibility for poor well being of patients and the public at large.

I keep getting sucked into framing the situation from their faulty perspective. This is in part because of their insistence on telling me who I am instead of getting it from the horse's mouth. However, it's also a function of the disorder. In the emotional part of my mind, she exists only in that form. Their argumentativeness then validates that emotional belief, making it even more difficult for my analytical mind to frame things accurately.

I am, for lack of a more descriptive term, a borderline erotomanic. I understand this and have understood this from the very beginning of this episode. They have never understood it and instead think I was an earnest suitor for her affections. They believe I was trying to get her attention and then develop a connection. In actuality what I did to get her attention was done first without thought of her, then with the hope that she wouldn't see it. Once I did learn that I had her attention, I left as best as I was able considering the circumstances. Yes, the truth of the situation, and the irony, is that what they thought I was doing was the exact opposite of what I was actually doing. They thought I was seeking attachment when actually, I was, and always had been, seeking detachment.

What played out over the next three or so years was my trying to break away from something I had unwittingly become attached to. I'd never wanted her. I even told her that. Typically, she dismissed the idea. But it was true. Every move I made, whether they could recognize it or not, was an attempt to detach from something that existed inaccurately in my mind.

One would rightly ask why I didn't just come clean with them, explain the situation and let them leave me alone. The problem is that they showed me many times that they weren't ready or willing to believe the truth. On some level they had become emotionally attached to me too. They had idealized me at one time too. They too had "loved" me, or whatever that feeling should be called. For me to then tell them that they had been duped (by themselves, in actuality) and that I was really a creepy stalker-type who, at times, felt overwhelming homicidal urges directed at them (or rather, her), would have been traumatic. After all, she ended up in the hospital from a lesser dose of reality.

So that was the situation I was in. I couldn't tell them the truth lest it traumatize them. I refused to be dishonest with them. And I couldn't give in to my feelings. So the only choice was silence, interspersed with the occasional lapse in self-control. (Though I always deemed those constructive and necessary as they released otherwise dangerously escalating anger.) What else could I do? I tried to leave nicely and that just increased my attachment, increasing the amount of chaos we'd all have to endure before this ended. No, there was no other option. It had to be no contact, as best as I could manage it considering the disorder.

They never understood the amount of the burden I took on myself. They never understood the rules I was playing by which forced my hand. Why doesn't he just come forward? Why doesn't he just be open and honest? We does he keep coming back but staying at a distance? I DID IT ALL FOR YOUR BENEFIT, NOT MINE. Fools. It was all the rules they didn't understand forcing my hand. I did the best I could considering the circumstances. And, considering the circumstances, I think I did pretty well.

At the end I let them believe what they needed to believe. Yes, damage had been done, to both parties. But both parties had made their own mistakes and should hold themselves accountable for the pain they experienced. I take responsibility for my own pain; they should do the same for theirs. The rest went as best as it realistically could, and that I attribute to my actions and my actions alone. They were essentially dead weight.

At the very end I cautiously offered as much clarity as they were willing to accept....

[ Continued ]

I am grateful for learning about scizoid personality disorder, because finally after 24 years I have been able to begin to understand my daughter. For years my thoughts of self doubt and fear of bad parenting have haunted me. I love her and have wanted so much for her to feel and be a part of our family, but she wouldn't. I am hoping this can be the beginning of my heart being healed and mended. Not only is the individual with this condition a victim, but family members and close friends.