Hey, everyone. This is Kitt here. I'm the host of 10 alters (Lea, Sarah, Wendy, Adrophenia, Posey/Safe Place, Lauren, Piper, Alby, Novec, and Scott). So, anyway, I figured I'd start something like a blog....

Today I got my heart monitor off. I'm still scared they're going to find something in the monitor wrong with my heart... But I'm not too focused on that. I guess whatever comes, comes. So, yeah. If you don't know, I've been having problems with my health lately where I've passed out cold just a week ago for no reason and have been having mini-passing out spells and collapsing at random. So they ruled out it's not my ear. They're trying to make sure it's not my heart. Which I hope it's not.

But that's not the topic I was going to discuss.

Today I was going to talk about addictions. Furthermore, my addiction to writing... I can't seem to stop. If I'm not writing, I'm not happy. It's like I'm soooo focused on other people's lives I don't know how to live my own life. I just want to be normal, or as normal as I can be with all the mental disorders I have. But it seems impossible when the only thing I seem capable of doing is writing and talking about characters/plots. You'd think it would keep things interesting to always live in a fantasy, but it's not. It drives away everyone. No one wants to talk about one thing 24/7. I can't even say my name without thinking of my characters.... It's baaaad. And I don't know how to stop it.

I mean, I genuinely TRY to talk about something else and TRY to do other things, but it doesn't work. I get depressed if I'm not obsessing over writing. Right now, I'm still thinking about my characters and the plots I can unfold and how I want to talk about it to my friend, who is probably sick of all of it. I don't know what to do though. If I'm not talking about writing, I'm complaining about my life. I'm talking about my mental disorders and how I wish it would all just disappear even though I know that it's impossible no matter how much or little I talk about wanting it to. But it never fails. Ever conversation I have, reverts back to the characters I write with. It drives everyone around me insane, and I don't mean to.

I'm positively the happiest person in the world when I'm focused on my writing, but when I'm not, I'm completely and utterly depressed and just spiral downwards until I think of suicide or until I attempt it....

What's wrong with me? Does anyone else experience THIS level of obsession over just one thing? Or am I just majorly insane and need help?
-Kitt