I'm going to have to start posting more often, because a lot seems to happen in between things. I'll try to go in order.

The splitting headache went away after I started drinking again. This is a bad sign.

I'm supposed to be doing training for this new job, but I'm not. It causes me severe, painful, nauseating anxiety to even think about. And so does finding a new job or re-applying for school. This is a totally new issue/symptom, because I've lays been extremely confident doing that sort of thing - now the threat of impending "failure" is stopping me. This is bad.

The I went to a party (wow, this was almost two weeks ago) and drank like a gallon of rum, and proceeded to FLIP OUT. I ended up going to the ER, because apparently I was having a panic attack. Oh goody, a new symptom. I've never had one of those before. This is also bad. (Interestingly, this was the same time that I was in the hospital last year, which I didn't realize until later. June is apparently a bad month for me.)

(I stopped taking the Topamax, too, because clearly by itself it does nothing, at least without my other meds.)

THEN I made my "move". I'm now staying with a guy who is not exactly my boyfriend but sort of is. I'm still weirded out by our relationship, and by the move. It's very surreal because it was such a sudden change. Well, at least now I get to sleep in a bed and have privacy and get a more long-term job and not feel tied down to people and a bunch of other positive things. And sex, of course. I'll get into deets about this bizarre relationship later.

Also there was quite a bit of drama this week when he kicked out his (admittedly Borderline) roommate who was causing major stress and drama. Getting back with and breaking up with his GF repeatedly (including suicide threats), saying he'll do things and then making them difficult, seemingly oblivious lies...a classic case. At least he's diagnosed. Maybe he'll go get help. (Unlikely, it seems.)

So now it's a matter of "officially" moving out here (aka telling family and getting the rest of my stuff), but that can't happen until I get the money for the flight back and a U-haul trip. Hopefully in a month. If thinking about it doesn't give me another panic attack.

haha, drinking rum at parties never ends well.. bet the hangover was bad the next day!

I don't really remember the next day, I slept through it.