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terminallyCapricious
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Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2012 7:48 am
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- May 2012
Disgusting.
   Thu May 31, 2012 1:23 pm
The man with the yellow rag.
   Sun May 27, 2012 2:25 pm
You failure, oh how disappointed we are in you.
   Wed May 23, 2012 3:00 pm

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Disgusting.

Permanent Linkby terminallyCapricious on Thu May 31, 2012 1:23 pm

Today is my boyfriends birthday. He is now 17 years old. Who is he? He is O. Hiroshi. No need to say his whole name. Seeing as it's Japan, there are billions with his name. Anyways. So today was his birthday.

I did nothing special. We've had tests since Wednesday, and he came to the class room today. I gave him a strawberry cheese cake crepe. Again, nothing special. I feel like a whore. A bad person. But then, I don't.

See, we were in the classroom. Well wait. The other day he had come to the classroom again, and no one was there, as planned. It's a small classroom. Anyways, we were sitting at the desks and I was showing him my old book. Then my teacher walked in. He said in English, 'Oh, a date, I see.' Then repeated it in Japanese and left. It was embarrassing. Anyways, so we ended up kissing a little. But then Hiroshi said it was scary because the teacher could hear us and come back at any moment. I agreed. We decided to leave. But then I decided I wanted to hug him, because I suddenly began thinking about how I'll be gone in a few months and it made me sad. So I said (mind you this is all in Japanese:) "wait." I walked over and gave him a big hug. For a second, he stood there with his arms down, not moving. But then he hugged me back. Then he started rubbing my back and patting it, like he was consoling me or something. What a weirdo. Then I felt him pulling away from the hug, after awhile, assuming I wanted to stop the hug. But I said, 'Not yet.' Like the WEIRDO I am. After that hug, he asked me what's wrong, I said nothing. He kissed me. Once we pulled away from that one kiss, he did something new. He lifted my left hand into his, like we were holding hands, and held it up and then kissed me. Then, while we were kissing, he grabbed my other hand and did the same thing. It was weird, but I didn't detest it.

Then there was today. So he came into the classroom, and I shooed the other exchange student out. Then we were alone. I stood around a bit, and he sat down on the ground near the book shelf and read a random book. Because he's a weirdo. He told me I could close the curtain, because we usually keep the lights off in the room when we are together so people don't see there's still students in the class. I sat down on the ground next to him, we talked a bit and then. Surprise surprise. We kissed. He kept telling me to be quiet, because the teachers may have been able to hear us. But the second kiss is what makes me feel like a whore, because I liked it.

He ended up laying on the ground, and pulled me forward. I said (in Japanese of course) "Is it okay like this?" I was like, why does he want me on top of him? So we kissed, his on the ground, me on top. I wasn't laying on his, I was like... on my hands and knees with my arms around his neck. He was getting pretty into it. His tongue started doing other stuff. He was breathing hard. His hand was getting awfully close to my booby. (chortle)Then he pulled away. But then he eventually touched mah boob. I'm a whore, it felt nice. I didn't stop him. He obviously liked it, he used two hands.It was all on top of my clothes though. I wouldn't have let him go underneath.

What I don't understand though, is that after he had initially put his hand on my rib cage area, he had started shaking a bit, and breathing hard. While we were making out, he would randomly stop and just. Breathe. Looking up and the ceiling. It was funny, because we'd be making out, and hear a noise next door and stop completely, staring in the direction of the door. Then randomly continue. I had gotten up a few times to flick my hair out of my face. He was adorable. OH SWEET MOTHER MARY I'm disgusting.

I'm going to go shower. :evil:

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The man with the yellow rag.

Permanent Linkby terminallyCapricious on Sun May 27, 2012 2:25 pm

I've been pondering and pondering, every night around this time... about that man with the yellow rag. The one at Shin-sugita Eki, who just stands outside the entrance, chewing the yellow handkerchief.

I wonder what his name is. I wonder who misses him while he's gone out on his rampage, chewing and what not. He does no harm, only an obstacle in the way of busy people with supposed lives and such. Sometimes I stop and stare at him, just to see what will happen. As if he's a tortoise or something, and I'm that chubby little git who keeps tapping the glass screaming, 'WHY WON'T IT MOVE?' Although I'm almost certain that me standing in front of him is just as annoying an obstacle as he, I will continue, on the days I have no club. Oh right... tests... It's 11:20. I just finished sending a message against my will. I won't lie to myself, of course I wanted to send it. Regardless, who knows.

Only what.... 90 days now? Until I return home to my little hick town in little Alberta Canada, with my paranoid mum. Returning to a small town that I am not wanted in. Hm. I shouldn't flatter myself. Not EVERYONE gives two flying f***s about me. I'm only known as that girl that went bonkers in the super market, and the girl who went off to Japan for a year.

I've felt like cutting again. But I know it's not a good idea. It's gotten very hot here, and my body is exposed frequently. The regular spot on my arms would be a no-go, especially seeing as how the uniform is changing to summer in June. That's a week away. Not even. I miss the stinging.

Oh, how I grow tired of my own skin. When will it end, I wonder?

Oh, how melodramatic you are.
Why must you be so cruel?
I'm not, I'm merely stating fact.
You cheeky little bugger. :oops:


Of course.

90 days.

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You failure, oh how disappointed we are in you.

Permanent Linkby terminallyCapricious on Wed May 23, 2012 3:00 pm

It's been a while, hasn't it?
Has it really? I haven't thought much of the time that has passed, I've been too busy reading the minds of others.
I didn't know you could do such a thing.
The thoughts aren't real though.
How do you mean?
I know they aren't thinking them, but my brain tells me that I am hearing the thoughts of those around me.
That seems interesting.
It isn't. People here in Japan keep saying, "Oh she's so cute (because I'm a foreigner) but incredibly odd." To say the least, people have begun to avoid me.
That's depressing.
Never you mind.
Why the attitude?
I'm not having an attitude, I just don't feel the need to explain myself to you.
Then I will let you be, to wallow in your self pity and continue the folly of youth, pretending you are the only one in the world with issues and let teen-aged angst flourish inside you like a disease.
What a lovely person you are.
Thank you.

I have been busy. And I want to make a friend on this site. Someone I can relate to. Things aren't going well, I need someone to talk to. Anyone.

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Stupid Liars

Permanent Linkby terminallyCapricious on Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:17 am

My friends at school here in Japan, in my cheer club. They talked to the guy I like. Those _itches. I can't _ucking believe them. I was told from the beginning, "What is said in cheer, stays in cheer" and all that bull s_it.

I can't _ucking trust anyone and I was stupid enough to believe that they wouldn't tell anyone. It was all fine, until now. I'm disgusted with myself. Disgusted.

And my 'friends' too. Shame on me for trusting them, and shame on them for breaking our promise.
Last edited by terminallyCapricious on Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

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He kissed me.

Permanent Linkby terminallyCapricious on Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:13 pm

Well. Japanese boy that I 'appear' to be dating kissed me. Like. A smoocharoo. On the lips. And as I said before, I'm a freaking shy girl. And when he kissed me, I'mma be honest. My eyes twitched, because my body froze up and I got nervous. But I'm happy.

It was probably not pleasurable for him. Not that I really need to worry if something was 'pleasurable' for him. Muurrrp. That was probably my first real time kissing a guy I like. Ooolala. But I couldn't stop freaking out. Ugh. I am SMOOOTH. Smooth as a babies lung.

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