...And so I am sitting here listening to some atmospheric beach music and
reflecting by computer light. It seems life has been zooming along at super
sonic rocket speed lately and I am trying to hang on. I feel like I am undergoing
a metamorphsis of sorts. The thought of this thrills and scares me at the same
time. I am making plans and it everything seems to be coming together.

I have spent most of my life afraid of most everything and it has crippled me
on the inside. And it gets lonely all alone on the inside. I hated myself for
being so "weak", I was very hard on myself, I never lived up to my expectations
which was perfection.

I had so much wrong with me, on the inside.....no one knew, i was good at hiding it.
I looked like everyone else. I was shy and uncoordinated but that was all, I feel I
was lucky not to be labeled, to be singled out as 'different'. I don't know how I
would have taken that.

My ego was so weak.. I was weak.. I felt hopeless and I think I just kinda' waited
for something to change that but nothing did...I drank and used drugs to kill the
emptiness but, that only added to it.

Fate steps in or hormones or both and I had two kids. This act of becoming a mother
saved me in more ways than one. I had to become more, much more, if only for
them. and so....

I forgave myself for being so weak, so imperfect, so flawed, so damn human. I started
to tell myself positive messages about myself, even if I had to lie.

I ran across this quote by one of my all-time heroes, Albert Einstein

Out of clutter, find simplicity
from discord, find harmony
In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity.

How brillant, how logical and beautiful. This was one of the many turning points
of my life..the road is long, but I can see the light at the end..
if I can just stay on the path.....

I love that quote.

Cracked

Thank you. You are very nice. And thanks for reading some of my ramblings.

wow, great quote. and very true. if you look at anyones concept of a 'perfect' being they do not progress, they cannot change, they're stuck with wat they have... that would be great in a perfect world but its not.

I love the quote and it rings so true. Hope you feel better for all this

wait wat do you mean?