Isn't it funny how everyone ignores me? They're destroying me.

You know, I've never noticed how incredible loneliness is until I look at it right now, right now, right now.

My headaches are a gift from god, they let me see everything in a new perspective. Constant pain is irrelevant; it's the euphoria that comes with them.

The conversations that I have with my imagined persons invoke more emotion than the world around me. They are real in my mind, therefore, they are real, as long as I believe in them. I cannot see them, nor can I hear their voices, but I know all their answers to my inquiries. They don't have to speak; they're so predictable.

Just like humanity.

Do you realize how free I've become in this week? I need nothing, no one, not a single person. I have everything all in my brain.

I've been in a river with the undertow bringing me down. I've inhaled too much water, and somehow, I'm not drowning. I've managed to pull myself once more to breathe in that precious oxygen. How did I do it? How did I survive?

The memories keep flooding back like some kind of PTSD of the tragedy that I once was, and I realize that there isn't anything forbidding me from my previous actions. Oh but they wouldn't want me anymore.

I need the torture. I need to hurt. It's the only way that I function.

I need to be my own enemy once more so that I can be free.

Today I thought *removed by mod* Everyone tells me how selfish it would be; well wouldn't they rather that I take the brunt of my wrath rather than they?

My fantasies really go a little too far. They don't bother me; no, I'm comfortable with death. No one around me is comfortable with my comfort; they find it disturbing.

But you know, I'm more in tune with everything. I'm more free than they'll ever be. No matter how much my memories torment me--random flashbacks of many mistakes--I'm still free!

My life has never been bad. I'd be lying if I told you that I've been the target of every sly comment. My sadness is self-inflicted. My shame has been caused only by me. My unfortunate existence is only because of me.

I have more control than I thought I did.

Not everything is described by fate.

No one will ever understand my masochism. This is the only way I can feel.

I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

I am free.