I am currently reading a book about Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a righteous gentile who fought against nazism in the second world war and eventually lost his life as a result of his endeavours. Moreover, I have also been researching the evolution vs creation argument quite extensively as a christian myself. Whilst reading about the persecution and eradication of undesirable groups- mentally ill and physically disabled people- I had this disgusting, repugnant and utterly abhorrent thought. It was like it made sense. I had this sickening moment when I thought (and it didn't feel intrusive, it felt so natural) 'if you get rid of genetic diseases, does that mean that future generations would not suffer from them? would it be... beneficial, a bit like natural selection'. Instantly, I felt sick and withdrawn. I prayed in desperation for repentance and begged for forgiveness. The more I prayed, the more the thought came back, it would be beneficial for future generations, it all makes sense. I would never hurt anyone, I feel like a terrible being. I know it is MORALLY wrong, but how could I ever sympathise with nazi ideals. Now, If only I could just accept I didn't agree with it and move on I would feel better, but I keep having the thought, it would be beneficial, in the long run it helps. I reassured myself that of course it is not acceptable because on a morale level it is wrong, wrong, WRONG! the thing is, I suffer from conscious breathing and other troubles, and I personally believe that if I do not sin then God will help me with these troubles, however if I do then he may choose to punish me. (please omit any offensive comments regarding my subjective beliefs) but here lies the problem. Am I worried about having the holocaust thoughts because I fear being punished, or because I know it is immoral? What if i'm just a nazi who is scared of being punished? What if the only thing making me scared is the fear of conscious breathing and not my opposition to the holocaust? Then came more doubts. I had a thought saying 'what if there isn't a God, then how do you explain how the holocaust is wrong?' My stomach dropped, and I thought to myself 'well, I still have morales so even though that isn't the case, if it was I would still know it was wrong. But I thought to myself, if there was no punishment then you would agree with it, there would be no consequences and it would be beneficial.' What is wrong with me? at this point I started- for the first time- to put it down to intrusive thoughts. But the initial thought didn't seem intrusive, it was like I generally saw sense in it. Does that make me evil? Do I sound evil to you? Is punishment the only thing stopping me from becoming a nazi? please can somebody give me some help, I'm going through a lot at the moment. I know my thought wasn't justifiable but there is this sick part of me that wants someone else to almost say they understood that evil thought and where I was coming from. I know the holocaust is NOT justifiable, I vehemently disagree with it, well I thought I did, until that thought. I remember seeing a exhibition on the holocaust and it horrified me as a child. Can you turn evil? Am I just overanalyzing the initial thought. I mean, what makes an evolutionist oppose the holocaust, my mind is trying to saying that if I didn't believe in God- and I'm scared because like many christians I have had periods of doubt- then nothing would stop me from killing or hurting. Please help, Am I just saying this because I fear punishment, or am I generally worried about that initial thought. When I had the thought I was like 'God will never want to heal me' so in my eyes that kind of proves it is a fear of punishment and not of being immoral but how can I tell?