*possible trigger*


I was talking to my dad today. First time in a while, although I did get a Christmas text (after sending him one).
He was telling me about their dog, who I've met on several occasions, and thought was lovely. Apparently they discovered a lump on his back just before Christmas, and he wasn't eating properly. They brought him to the vet, and it turns out he had cancer, so they had to get him put down. They now have his ashes in their living room.

Anyway, he was then asking how I'm doing. I told him I'm doing really well. He was like "Are you thinking positive? I'm sad about the dog, so I don't really want to hear any bad news. And I definitely don't want any more ashes in my living room." He then started laughing. Sounds slightly insensitive I suppose, but that's my dad, and that's how he deals with my issues.
When I was staying with him last time, he kept joking when I was on the internet, "What are you looking up? Cutters Anonymous?"
Then another time he took out a set of kitchen knives in front of me. He started telling me how sharp they were, and how they could cut through anything. I mean, he knows I'm a self-harmer, would it not occur to him how triggering that was? His partner came in from work a little while later. She's a mental health social worker, so even though we don't talk about my cutting, she'd be more clued-in than my dad. First thing she did when she came in was put away the knives, without a word.

I cut last night. A few scratches on my stomach. Scratches, because I couldn't do anything requiring treatment, in case I got found out. On my stomach, because the nurses only check my arms and legs. It hurt more than I remembered, but it did make me feel better.

Thinking about my dad's dog, makes me think how lucky I am to have my 2 cats, Kitten and Mergatroid (Merg for short). They're both 3 years old. Kitten was a rescue cat, and originally belonged to my sister, but when I moved into my apartment, 2 1/2 years ago, I adopted her. Her original name is Lily, and she's still registered as Lily with the vet, but I got into the habit of calling her Kitten, and it stuck.
Merg belonged to my best friend, who had 6 cats at the time. My friend said she wanted to get rid of some of her cats, as she had too many. I'd known Merg since she was a kitten, and she was there when I lived with my best friend for 6 months, so we sort of had a bond, and I offered to take her a few months ago.

Kitten very much likes cuddles, but only on her own terms. She'll lie on the floor when I come in, waiting to be picked up, and crawl under the covers with me at night. However, she's very independent, goes out during the day, and runs away from cuddles if she's not in the mood.
Merg is a complete attention seeker. She's very vocal, and sometimes won't shut up unless you start stoking her. She loves being stroked, and sleeps on the pillow next to me at night, but she doesn't like to be picked up or to crawl under the covers.

I love my kitty cats.