i had this dream last night about my step dad (the only father i knew).
he had a bunch of old cars that he was fixing up and one was mine to redo. for some reason he had to get some type of medical tube hooked to his arm. he was sick. i kept trying to figure out how to hook it up. it had one for urine which was this little bitty plastic tube that went to the machine. the other was normal sized for a drip or something and had to make a complete circuit for some reason. he kept getting sicker and i had to remind him he needed to hook up the stuff doc gave him to get better.

later, after looking at my car, i went to check on him and he had hooked himself up wrong. the urine was mixing in with the blood and he only had one line going in for the blood. air was getting into the line. after wrestling around with trying to get him hooked up right, i decided he was too sick and we had to go to the hospital. i looked at his car and realized that it had no motor in it. i eventually got my car running and we went to the hospital. i was then looking at my car and deciding how i wanted to fix it up and realized that it was a cross between a 40s car and a modern minivan. it actually looked pretty cool for some reason. who's to say that dreams have to make sense.

truth is in the eye of the beholder as some might say.
i would say it is a consensus reached by society.
probability is easily defined as the frequency that something is true.
i often have dreams that are tests of my perception and ability to find the reality of a situation. i had a dream last night that involved working as a temp at a high paying machinist job. i was tested on my ability to recognize an incomplete tool set in which i had to maintain. there were updates when i was at home so the tool set changed every time. it was a test of function, style, and variation. i was also tested on being wrong as there were circumstances where i got to my location and did not have the chance to complete the set yet had to do the best i could with what i had and reasonably handle the result.
what does this have to do with truth and probability you may ask?
in order to be effective you must be able to use probability to asses what someone wants from you.
you must also be able to asses what they consider to be true.
when i woke up, i realized it was a mental test of sorts (why i do this to myself i will never know).
i googled probability and truth only to find a familiar face.
game theory by john nash...
i found it to be somewhat of a paradox as i have schizophrenia.
in the end, i decided that to make decisions based on higher functioning you must realise the views of the public. in other words, it is a social decision.
john was, in a sense, solving himself in the light of a disease.
and he forever changed the way the world works.

i have spent a lot of time looking for an answer to life as surely most people do.
i think i may have figured it out.

i was wondering if there was something that we all do as humans that might shed light on the question.
there i lie in bed with my thoughts racing upon the subject whither to no return. i quickly rose from my slumber to realize that if i asked the right question then the answer would be contained within it. it made sense to me as to get an answer you must ask the right question.

what is our civilizations based upon? what is science based on? everything we are as human beings relies upon asking questions! we have this evolutionary gift from mother nature and is the very top answer to survival on the planet and beyond as far as we know...

the question must be the answer. it was paradox of the human condition.
the answer to life is the question itself...
hidden from plain view by placement upon itself, we can debate it but it will drive us insane.
what was the question?
it is the answer.
like quantum mechanics we must open the box to see what is inside only to find that our measurement disturbs the result. we cannot have the answer. it is the question itself that drives us.
in the end science only makes measurements and we must decide what it means and that will always be subjective. we literally cannot have the answer.
so the next time you ask a question, remember that you have the answer to life yet it is hidden from you in plain sight.
what a better place to put it?
what was the question?

i have always been curious as to how things work.
after seeing so many scrutinizing tear-downs of the bible by logical people and seeing the ease by which they dismiss such things, i started my own journey into science to find the answer. what i found was startling.
there are no answers. only measurements. anything beyond this must be a assessment of the data in line with the majorities of the field which it is presented. take particle physics for instance. we have math that can duplicate the real world to a small extent. to try to unravel what is going on at this scale is foolish as you must simply learn the math without a true explanation. when you go down further on the scale there is nothing but space itself and the disturbance of it. quantum mechanics teaches us that we cannot know the position of something at this scale without changing it. in the end we must treat such things a probabilities.
we cannot have the answer. the answer is always a subjective interpretation of our measurements. furthermore, our understanding of this scale of the world does not include the most obvious of forces that act upon the universe (gravity). not only can we not know what is going on but our interpretation of it from the professionals in the field has a major flaw. it cannot describe what we see.
how can we say as scientist that there is no greater being than us while at the same time pour billions into trying to find alien communications knowing the chances that we will actually receive such transmissions is slim to none due to the mathematical probabilities involved.
yes, our scientist claim there is no proof of god's existence yet they have no real answers because this is not the way science works. they must reason with the believers by using a constantly updated view to disprove stories that are thousands of years old. they say that religions are responsible for atrocities and not the men who carry these atrocities out. they say that religion is not necessary to have compassion yet end up displaying no remorse for trying to disband the freedom to believe what you want.
i would argue that science fiction is not accurate and does not conform to what we see yet we should not take it away of dismiss it. was it Hitler or his scientists that thought they could create a superior race? whether it was science of the day or science fiction gone awry does not matter.
should all the weak people follow short sighted science to the gallows? i think not... modern day scientists tell us that the weak are just as important as the specialized winners of the day when it comes to long term survival in an ever changing world. we need them...
in the end, scientists tell us that we owe our existence in this world to chance. our universe is here by chances on the order of which there are fewer particles in the universe many times over.

i say grab as many hand fulls of sand as you want and slowly pour it out onto the ground. will it build a sand castle? i think not. not with all the grains of sand in the universe.
why are we here?
that is a question that good science cannot answer.
at least we have the question. hmm...
what was the question?

i had a really strange dream last night.
my mind seemed to be working the problem of "working the problem."
i was somehow looking top down upon the process of working through things in the usual way.
i noticed an advantage to having a feeling of correctness while working though some problem.
i did not see the problem but the process itself.
after i noticed that i had a more efficient process and better result, the part of my brain that processes rewards lit up like a Christmas tree. it was a powerful feeling and i could turn it on myself. i also noticed that turning it up too high caused me to not be able to regulate my thought processes.
the result was no concentration.
i was then in a completely different test where i was using my left hand and my right hand to figure out some kind of puzzle "the puzzle was only implied and not really there". i was using one hand to put things together and the other to turn the piece for a different view.
i found that with practice i was using both processes simultaneously in a very coordinated manner.
i then had a top down view of my left and right brain working in coordination. one side was figuring things out while the other was making executive decisions.
in the end, i was left with the feeling that i had done something right and learned something too.

i don't know if this is the way it really works (it WAS just a dream), but it left me thinking about the right way to do things when i woke up.