I'd like to start off my first post talking about my struggle with eating.

I distinctly remember, at age 11, perhaps, saying "don't worry, I'll never have anorexia - I love food too much!"

I never did have anorexia, or bulimia... but I have always struggled with food.

Ever since 3rd grade, I'd compare my thighs to the other girls'. Mine were thick, and theirs were thin. And then I'd look at my stomach.

My stomach, wobbly and large, spilling over the waistbands of my jeans. I'd always been envious of the girls, with their thin arms and flat stomachs, but never did I hate my body more than when I was around them.

Things only got worse as I got older. Eating sweets, which used to be a pleasure, became guilty and served as a stepping stone for bingeing habits. I'd go on a "diet" for about 2 days, and then completely fail. I'd make my way to the pantry, and cram some chocolate chips down my gullet. Or devour several power bars.

And every time, without fail, I hated myself a little more and more.

It didn't matter if I was at a party, a friend's house, at school, or my own home - I'd see food, and I would eat much more of it than my body actually wanted.

And did I mention how I gorged myself every time my family went out to eat? I'd eat the ENTIRE meal, and then order dessert. For myself.

I've tried going Paleo, vegetarian, vegan, you name it. But in the end, my mind wins out.

And I have no clue where to go from here.

It's always a struggle, sweets. So hard to moderate. Hugs.