I have gone through similar csa also with animals and many other things, I came to different conclusions then you do, but hey, we are all completely different individuals, who had to experience similar bad stuff. (I too belief/know there is no God, or at least not how its taught to us by christian schools or other religions)
Anyways, I am a very inwards person alot of times, sometimes it changes, precious brief momentsi, thus I read many many books one book that was striking and I dearly remember is 'The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying', very interesting literature and easy to read cause it is many small stories!