I just keep feeling crazier and crazier. I am trying so hard to cope with my narcissism and NPD. The more I fight to "be normal" the more I feel like part of me us dying and I am deeply unhappy. When I let my narcissism rear it's head and let my mouth fly, I am happy in all my bravado. I feel like I am murdering myself internally lately. So hateful of my dysfunction and so aware of them. I want to go nuts and start dating and having sex with so many people but I stop myself for the sake of my two young kids. But the loss of the pursuit is killing me in the loss of excitement. Life is getting so boring without taking risks and living on the edge. I want to explode.