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TwilightVanguard
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Exist

Permanent Linkby TwilightVanguard on Mon May 16, 2016 9:15 pm

I lost my pills.

I'm alone. My thoughts are like molasses, they stick around and they almost never change. I had an appointment this morning. My brother knows its a regular thing but I didn't tell him last night and as a result, I missed it. So...unless I "ask" him, he doesn't care. He was never the caring type anyway, like most people it seems.

So I only exist. I don't know why I bother. Well, actually I know, I'm just scared of the alternatives, both of dying (or rather, the process in which I will remove my life) and getting better. So I'm just alive. It sucks. I'm sat here on my rigid, wooden chair that's slowly taking the shape of my arse due to how much time I spend on it everyday, and I just notice how everything seems pointless or cruel, or both.

So I am stuck. I think about suicide a lot, if not almost all the time, but I got no means to get there, nor do I have the conviction. Is it because I want to live? I doubt it, because it certainly doesn't feel like I want to.

Overcome with despair and hopelessness...
Cineri gloria sera est
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Re: Exist

Permanent Linkby Snaga on Tue May 17, 2016 2:36 pm

Unless I'm constantly reminded, I forget to take out the trash, much less anything else.

Have you gotten replacements for the meds yet?

If you die, and you don't like being dead.... you can't undo it. It's a cliché, but where there's life, there's always hope. Things in this world are not static, not by a long shot. Circumstances, people, conditions change.

And YES, you want to live. If nothing else, your body wants to live. Because that is the nature of living organisms- to continue. The body instinctively resists death, even when our minds get preoccupied with it. There is an instinctive horror to death that kicks in at some level, because it's in our nature to continue to exist. And Life is a precious thing that can't be got back so easily when it is gone.

Hugs, if wanted. Hang in there, sweet pea.
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