I am still finding it hard to not hate myself as much as I do but for the past few days talking and sharing with others on this site, others who can understand what is going on and how it feels to be the kind of person I am. I have always hated and have been disgusted with myself for the things I think and feel because I know it is wrong and I know I should not be thinking the things I do but honestly I can not help it.

It has only been in the past few days while talking to others that it made me realize that I am stronger and have more will to be a better person than I give myself credit for. I still do not feel any less disgust or hate towards myself but I have found the strength to carry on making myself a better person and in the future I hope that I will be able to accept the person I am and to be less harsh on myself. Small steps though and must keep in mind to not let myself get to comfortable with myself or let my guard down.

I am feeling very low at the moment because I miss the people I used to be close to and I would do anything to get them back but I pushed them away because I was terrified of who I am. Maybe one day things can go back to how they where but I very much doubt it.

Just going to be another low day of memories.