People have abused me all my life and got away with it. People have bullied me, put me down, physically abused me, emotionally and mentally abused me.
And they've all got away with it. As a result I am very angry at the world and feel like going crazy. I also don't trust anyone. I'm always waiting for the next attack or the next person to hurt me or let me down.
Everyone gets away with it. For various reasons which I won't go in to. How do I break this cycle?
How do I turn this around? How do I become the person I was meant to become? People have held me down and kicked me down my entire life and been allowed to get away with it.
How, how do I stop this NOW. I'm at the end of my tether. I'm more dangerously suicidal right now than I have ever been before. One of the main reasons being that NOONE will listen to me. No one will validate me.
No one will help, no one wants to help. People make me feel as if I'm a spoiled little attention seeker. So then it makes me want to isolate myself even more. Keep my mouth shut more. But it's not right. Why should all the people who have abused me get away with it? Why should they be allowed to go on and have normal lives and I not?!
Why do I inspire such hatred in people that they want to kick me down?!
Why has everyone always been so incredibly jealous that they need to ruin me?
I can't even get help. No one will listen. They're all treating me like I'm some sort of freak.
I know people will say that it's my responsibility how I allow others to treat me. But how am I supposed to do that when I feel like the entire world is against me?
When I don't trust anyone? When I'm so afraid of rejection and invalidation and ready for the next attack or the next asshole. And then I react with anger.
So I try to keep myself away from people or I just submit. So I don't cause even more problems for myself.
I am so alone. I need support so desperately and I feel like the whole world's turning its back on me. It's like they all want me to kill myself. They wouldn't care.
For once in my life I NEED help. IIII am being demanding. II want attention! I want care! Why don't I deserve it?! Am I such a horrible person? Really? People have ruined me.
I am so angry. I WILL NOT TAKE IT I DONT DESERVE IT, I NEED SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND

How are you feeling at the moment?

Please seek help if you get to feeling seriously suicidal, call a hotline or show up at hospital.