I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm having a lot of suicidal thoughts right now.
I can't even be bothered to write. I just want to be numb. I don't want to feel. I want to be numb so much. This is torture. No one will ever understand this hell. No one will ever understand how much I suffered. It's just so difficult. I want to sleep to get away from it but I can't, my body just won't let me. Please god let me stop feeling. Just let me be numb. I can't cope with reality.
I want someone to be there for me but no one ever will. What is love?
My existence hurts so much. Every day. Every day it hurts. Every day I try to cope but it's so difficult.
I just do the same things. Trapped in the same patterns. I'm not even like a real person. And no one cares. There is a pack of tablets staring at me. I've already took more than I should.
I just can't cope anymore. I can't be bothered to fight. I can't be bothered to try.

How are you doing now, sweets?