So...
I'm well balanced... I'm on Abilify and a couple Benzos... and nothing dramatic is happening.
I'm so bored.

I got a new puppy last Saturday. Red Heeler, her name is Kira.
That makes three dogs, a cat and a betta fish, if you're keeping track of my household.

I can tell when I'm bored, because the compulsions go up.
The compulsion to buy things. The compulsion to eat. The compulsion to fly off into a rage for no reason. The compulsion to be compulsive.
I'm perpetually compulsive, but when I'm compulsively doing something I feel better. Boredom is so... monotonous.

The boyfriend is good... very vanilla... very unable to relate to my thoughts on... anything... very opposite of myself.
He invited me to a pool party today... which I can't go to, of course, because I'm fat and self conscious about being fat... I can only exude fake confidence so many days a week.
Before you say it, I know that I should have more self esteem, but it just doesn't happen in some situations. I tense up, I freak out and end up being a real b!tch or crying in a bathroom. Neither are particularly appealing.
I feel like my boyfriend is settling for me. He's attractive and nice and while boring as hell sometimes, which includes his excursions that I just have no interest in (like protesting), he's a great guy and could do better. In the meantime, I could be someone that doesn't make me self conscious as sh!t.
There's nothing ACTUALLY wrong with him though... so I'm trying.

I still have no friends, really. I'm going to California next week to see a friend, but I'm mostly excited about laying on a beach... why can I do that in Cali and not at a pool party? Because I won't have to look at anyone there ever again, so I do as a like.
I feel like life would be easier for me if I avoided familiarity with anyone... but that's really hard.

Anyway...