Hello I'm a teen boy and I'm having a real tough time I'm not 100% sure I have OCD but when I was younger I would always have thoughts of dying and got really scared and frightened of it and also stuff in my room I liked it to be in order also my dad had OCD symptoms when he was younger like if he felt a certain way he would walk on the white lines on a road so he'd fell better and stuff like that so since I was young boy I can remember I was always into girls I fantasised and felt emotionally and sexually attracted to them and there was no thought that crossed my mind I was gay I remember going to a leisure center with my mum at around 7 or 8 and I would get changed in to woman's (because i was to young to be by myself) I always found myself looking at the women and liked it when I saw them naked but when I was 9 I had to get changed in the male part and felt uncomfortable as they were all naked so Back to my story I started masterbating at a young age (around 9) and it would be over like nude chat shows on tv and stuff like that once I found porn I couldn't stop masterbating over straight and lesbian porn once I entered secoundry school I had a massive crush on this girl and couldn't stop thinking about her I also remember being very jealous when she got a boyfriend it all started when I entered year 9 a girl had asked me out (I had liked her) and I did but I was extremely shy around her in school and so I felt so shy around her I broke up with her and then she tiled a lot of people the reason why dumped her was because I was gay this made my life hell I lost so many mates but got over it .then after a while I started to question If I really was gay ? I started to test myself by watching gay porn which didn't arouse me (even when I tried to masterbate and it made me start to gag) then I'd watch lesbian porn and be aroused this would stop me obsessing for a while but it came back and my mind is saying that I didn't try tow masterbate to gay porn because you like it really so I started looking and asking on yahoo awnsers they all gave me awnsers like your probably gay/bi this made me doubt myself even more this is making me stressed and I hardly go out on the weekends incase I see a man and have sexual thoughts i try to have gay thoughts but they don't feel rightI'm also having grounal responses why is this happening ! I don't want to be with a man also I've been having gay dreams and these dreams I'm literally checking if I'm aroused like in my dream but I believe I'm in love with a girl at the moment ? Also I'm constantly looking at myself to see if I look gay also when I see someone and there looking at me while talking to someone I automatically think that they think I'm gay I am also worried that girls think I'm gay when I started doubting my sexuality I thought I was gay bit now I think I'm bisexual and now my mind is saying that I'm thinking that because it's true also when I look into my past and see one part that seems homosexual it will cause a spike and cause me to panic is there a reason why I'm like this ? I play rugby and when I've made contact with males I don't feel aroused but my minds telling me I am I have also seen my friends penises before and not been aroused and just laughed what shall I do ? I don't know how much I can take of this it's everyday and I feel I have to keep checking If I'm aroused is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life am I in denial ? I just hate these thoughts I also remember when I was about nine that my cousin would sit on my lap but I pretended it was a girl and now mind keeps focusing on that and won't go Please someone tell me what's wrong I also look at myself in the mirror and and see if I look gay or have a gay voice or if I give off a gay vibe

i am CONSTANTLY picking off scabs and pimples on my face and even more so on my back. it's so embarrassing because i have tons of scars on my back and luckily on my face it isn't so bad. but whenever a new pimple or scab appears i pick it right away. i don't know why i do it. i don't even think about it when i am doing it. i don't have any disorders so i don't know if this is one and i want to know if i may have something that needs to be checked out.

I was diagnosed with AvPD and SAD and I was wondering if anyone has a horrible problem with eye contact and being touched?
I have never been able to make eye contact unless I absolutely felt like it was necessary so that I didn't seem rude.
I can't make eye contact with my dad no matter what and I can barely make eye contact with my mom.

I also have a hard time dealing with being touched. When someone accidentally touches me, I literally cringe. I then feel like I need to go wash whatever part they touched me. I can't be touched by my dad because it just feels horrible! If he touches me, I feel like I'm going to cry. I'm okay with my mom touching me SOMETIMES, but she doesn't want to touch me because she has issues of her own.
I just hate being touched so much. Hugs and hand shaking are horrifying for me.
I want to get over this, but at the same time I just really don't want to ever be touched.

I just don't understand my "family". I leave my purse and wallet out on the table and they come and go through it. They just pick my wallet up and flip through my check book. And when I said something my grandmother got mad. She just got mad and smarted me off, then walked away. It's like this all the time, it's like I'm supposed to let them run over me and do or say whatever they want about me or my stuff, and if I say anything I'm a bitch or I don't know what I'm talking about. Honestly it makes me sick just to be here. Sometimes I just feel like I can't take it anymore, like my time is over and I should just commit suicide.

I've never participated in anything like this before, but it's cheaper than a psychiatrist and healthier than the other "outlets" I had in mind. I don't know where this post is going but I'm just going to let my mind leak onto this blog or whatever the heck this this is and see where it takes me.

Lately things haven't been so hot. I experience major highs where everything is "fine" and I'm truly content with everything and major, and I mean MAJOR lows where I feel the absolute opposite. I know what you're thinking, bipolar disorder. I haven't been diagnosed so I don't know for sure. But that's not the only thing that's "wrong."

I've been having problems with daily/everyday tasks due to my inability to focus, my lack of ability to sleep normally, mood fluctuations, weight gain, lack of motivation, constant nervousness, and always second guessing myself.

I'm completely fine when I'm around my friends, but the second I'm left alone, man... All hell breaks lose in my mind. It's like all the thoughts that I was too distracted to distracted to think about when I was with my friends come out all at once and it overwhelms me and causes me to be more anxious.

My symptoms include:
-lack of focus
-major insomnia
-mood fluctuations
-loss of motivation
-constant second guessing of self
-constant anxiety, stress, nervousness
-shaky hands
-frequent headaches
-hot flashes
-easily startled
-forgetful
-nausea
-irritability
-early morning wakefulness (waking up at like 3 or 4 and not being able to go back to sleep)
-loss of interest in things that once caught my attention.

I don't know what my diagnosis is. If anyone wants to give it a shot as to what's going on with me, I'm open to anyone's input. I know, I should really see someone but I'm using that as an absolute last resort...

I don't know if anyone will see this, let alone spent the time to actually read this crap but if there's someone out there reading this, I would appreciate any input you have.

All the best,
Me.