I am a 19 year old girl and I have this male character about my age in my head, he has a name and characteristics and personality and everything already thought out for him. He's not alone, he has a bunch of friends...also in my head. I switch mainly between him and me, his friends are all just there for some reason.

When I was in middle school I was bullied and alone so I started "creating friends" to entertain me during lunches...now, everytime I find myself feeling lonely, they're automatically there. Sometimes they're there when I'm hanging out with other (real) people but that doesn't happen too often.

I started out thinking I have DID but now I'm confused, I can tell him to leave and he will but then he comes back again. It's mostly him talking to me and giving me advice and helping me but sometimes I actually become him and I end up just sitting on my sofa, staring at the wall, or walking around my room living in this imaginary world in my head. Sometimes I end up making faces or using body language without realizing that I am. Sometimes when something happens to me (when I am him) that saddens "him", I physically cry. Or I can feel pain (I don't know how to explain that).

I often find myself isolating myself from friends and family just to be him in that world.

I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences this? What is this? I can't seem to put a word on it. Also, I have no idea why I'm suddenly identifying with a male...

I haven't seen any posts similar to this so if someone experiences this I would be really glad if they could share cause I am so confused all the time.



- Penny

I don't know whats going on with me, its getting worse and im getting tired. Im a boy, 20 years old and I can't remember as many details as I would like to remember about who and what I was before that 'something' happened thats why I'll be vague with some things. If you think you may have and idea or have some information or a good advice on this please feel free to answer cause I'm desperate.
I've been in and out of psychiatric institutions since high school and I've been diagnosed multiple times by different doctors (Antisocial personality disorder, Borderline personality disorder, Anxiety, Depression, Schizophrenia Paranoid, Schizoaffective disorder, Bipolar not otherwise specified.) When I was younger I was pretty much in control of myself, some things with me were off but nothing that really bothered me, things like excessive boredom, intrusive thoughts, derealization and depersonalizations and not being able to not to fake every social interaction, a giant disgust for every human, an entertained mind with every mechanic answer, things people could just not see, I planned everything I said and everything I did, it was automatic, It was sorta exciting getting everything I wanted, I stole things like whole outfits in expensive clothes stores even though I had the money just because it was exciting and made me feel good, I abused all kinda of drugs and people in a way, I got sorta lost in the drug path, I started getting psychotic and I did a lot of crazy things like going out of town, not sleeping, spending weeks on the street, drugs, wild parties, sex with strangers, but then a day I started to notice that I wasn't so sure of what I was doing, something that I think I never felt before, I was kinda lost, I was kinda alone and I didn't knew what was the next step to take, like if the part of me that was sure of everything and had everything sorted out disappeared, the drugs were getting down and I was so exhausted and desperate feeling that I couldn't go out for more, now i'm clean except for weed (auto medication) I became aware of every little thing but didn't know how to deal with it or what was the importance of everything, I have a cloud in my mind and im not sure of anything I don't know how to explain it, its driving me crazy, I want to stab my face multiple times after I stab everyone else, I always thought that in a way (a proxemic way) I can read peoples minds but after this happened it was like their thoughts and expression became sharp and aggressive to me, and now its like they can hear my thoughts too in that way also, something happened to my nerves, I can't be relaxed, not in my house, not in my bed, not in my sleep, I just can't relax its like If I am possessed and my brain and inside my body its burning I have ricing and negative thoughts, i'm angry and irritable to the core, to the point that if some one talks to me in that moment I snap and attack them with everything I have and I hurt myself cause I need it to stop now, it so much. Everyday I end up screaming and scratching my face because I don't quite get what im feeling but it is a lot, I can't concentrate, I can't decide between stupid easy things, I feel guilty all the time, I can't organize my mind and put whats first first, that makes me angry as ###$, I can't sleep well, I have panic attacks, night terrors, my stomach hurst and I need to throw up since I wake up, this are just some things that are happening, there are a lot more but I don't know what its important what its not, I also some times experience selective mutism when some one asks me what is happening because my brain does not know the answer or at least thats what I think. No one has been able to help me, not the doctors, not in the clinic , I don't trust anybody and im fearing that Im gonna have to kill myself because I won't live like this my whole life, and its not getting better, 2 years now, I feel hopeless. Alexithymia and mixed bipolar episode are things that can describe...

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Alright let me start this off with some context, I am a 18 year old senior who's life revolves around animals. At my house I have a cat and 7 reptiles (all mine), but at my grandparents who i vist every weeked, has not just a cat, but a spawn of pure evil. Now this cat we bought from a home as a kitten and raise it up to the evil it is today, it has never been abused and has a life full of enrichment amd everything it needs. But even so this cat does not let anyone pet it, it never purs, it breaks stuff, attacks at random, and has a ever growing desire to murder. My cat at home is the complete oppisite, so needless to say I was taken back by the attitude, and tried many things to correct this behavior. But recently I have had this ever burning passion to strangle the cat, step on its neck, or simply kill it in anyway possible. This started when the cat decided to ######6 fling one of my gecko enlosers across the room, break in, and eat its tail. It must have thought the taste was good too, because now she wont ######6 leave any of my enclosures alone and i have to hide them in the basement. Ever since she touched my precious child, I've felt this way, and I have given up on trying to fix whatever mental problem this cat has, because whenever I see it, I get a visual image in my mind of abusing the thing. This freaks me out, I would never hurt my other animals or even my cat, but this ######6 evil has me going crazy, and these thoughts i have need to stop.

Hi I need to list a blog but want to make sure tigers listed in the correct section so as it yo upset anyone. How do I do this ?

I've been looking everywhere online for advice, and everyone I talk to says I should go to some sort of psychotherapy. I don't know about it, though.. I finally had the courage to tell my sister what's been going on - I've been hallucinating, I can't sleep too well (3 hours a night is my current average), I get very nauseated whenever I eat so I've lost a significant amount of weight. There's headaches, dizziness, fear (of nothing, really), anxiety, trembling, it's hard to breathe sometimes, too. I had a panic attack about two weeks ago, it lasted for maybe fifteen minutes. My dad says he used to have panic attacks, and I read somewhere that it's more likely for me if it runs in the family. I can't stand being alone because these hallucinations get worse when I am. I'm also being cold(-hearted) lately towards my mom and sister. I feel very anxious -at night especially- and self harm calms me down. I started scratching my wrists and digging my nails into them. I don't want to do this, but it's become very addicting and even soothing. My sister wants me to see a psychiatrist, and put me on anti- depressants. What should I do about this? Please help.