I find that my hardest days are days like today where I wake up just loathing myself. From the moment my eyes open the flood of negative thoughts drown out any positive I can see. In these times even my children laughing and smiling outside my bedroom door cause me tears.
I feel alone, which is hard to do when you live with five other people but there it is. I can never seem to pin point just why some days the pain is so overwhelming and all consuming that lasting the next five minutes seems impossible.
I am worthless, unloved, and discarded. These are the thoughts that are an unending cycle in my mind. The more I attempt to distract myself from these thoughts the more invading they seem.
Any advice out there?

Quotes from an interview with psychoanalyst and writer, Adam Phillips:

"I'm not on the side of frustration exactly, so much as the idea that one has to be able to bear frustration in order for satisfaction to be realistic. I'm interested in how the culture of consumer capitalism depends on the idea that we can't bear frustration, so that every time we feel a bit restless or bored or irritable, we eat, say, or we shop.

"It's only in an initial state of privation that you can begin to have thoughts about what it is you might want, to really imagine or picture it. It's very difficult to know what we're frustrated by. In making the case for frustration I want to make it more interesting, such that people can talk or think about it in different ways."

For him, psychoanalysis is a set of stories that we tell ourselves and each other, a way of redescribing our experiences. "To begin with, one needs to understand," he says, "but I think the final project is to relieve oneself of the need for self-knowledge. It's not that it's useless – in some areas of life it's very useful – but there are lots of areas in which it isn't, and in some areas it's actually pre-emptive and defensive, and this is where psychoanalysis potentially fails people, by assuming there is an infinite project and that the best thing you can do in life is to know yourself. Well, I don't think that's true."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2012/jun/01/adam-phillips-life-in-writing


"I believe in what you see being most of what there is… and that life's passed on to us empty. So, while significance weighs heavy, that's the most it does. Hidden meaning is all but absent."
:: Richard Ford (from the novel 'Canada'.)

How are mental diseases like ADHD even thought about? What are people thinking when they categorise someone in the ADHD category? Doesnt the society actually decide this? "Okay, youre hyperactive, i bet you have ADHD". Im an indian and ive seen a lot of people who may have been suffering from ADHD according to the intn guidelines but they lead a normal life mostly. ADHD medication is basically a drug, amphetamine. So, enlighten me pls? Btw, i dont have ADHD. Its just food for thought.

so, i was about 12 when all of this had happened. it started with a prank where my friend dared me to pretend to be this girls boyfriend online (i am a female). i wanted to stop the prank but my friend forced me to keep going and get nudes from the girl we pranked. the girl ended up sending them andy i ended the prank kinda rudely. i said “there’s a hot girl at school bye.” the girl we pranked ended up not going to school the next day and i thought nothing of it. a while later and i was with the friend i pranked. that friend and i were playing truth or dare. she had dared me to do things like twerk in my underwear, take my shirt off and show my boobs. then, i dared her to lick my vagina. she ended up doing just that. she was trying to get me to lick her but i said no. her mom ended up somehow finding out and guys at school were saying that i made that girl lick me. instinctively i knew she told people even though she swore she didn’t. my mom was told everything by her mom and we had a meeting with the four of us. i apologized and th girl apologized. we hung out and played air hockey after. then i was at school and a police officer handcuffed me and said that that girls mom called him and told him everything. (keep in mind this is after the four of us met and talked and me and that friend actually hung out a few times.). so this police officer had told me that i committed crimes like: child pornography, cyber bullying, and sexual harassment. i was crying and he said i was fake crying. he also told me i could go to juvenile hall. apparently the friends mom didn’t want to file charges or go to court so i don’t get the point of telling a police officer. i am just very worried that this will prevent me from getting a job and going to college. the police officer said that my friend AND her mom talked before calling the police. i talked to my friend and she claims she never heard a word about it. she was actually at a foster home at the time because her mom got really mad at her. so technically the mother could get in trouble. i have been scared of police ever since this. i just need help and comfort. i was only 12 and i was exploring. and i’m still scared today.

My mom wants me to get rid of my scars...But i find i really don't want too. I don't not want to wake up and not see them there on my left shoulder, on my left wrist and my right hip bone. Sick? Very, i know. My own mom looked at me like i was crazy when i told her, which i probably am. No healthy person cuts themselves, that's obvious. Or at least in my case, used too.

I stopped cutting maybe a couple of months before high school graduation but it wasn't due to my mother finding me out. Instead my boyfriend did and made me promise to never do it again, cutting my mother to the punch line. My mom found out a month after him, i believe. She didn't believe me when i told her i stopped, so i gave her the scissors i used to hurt myself. That was my second step to stopping i guess. My third had to be when she got me medicine to take away the scars...but now on the fourth step, actually putting the stuff on, i'm stuck.

I've put it on once or twice but not religiously. I hate the idea of them not being there. They give me comfort and make me feel better. Am i wrong in wanting them there?