Im a 19 year old male, believe it or not studying psychology at university. I just cant seem to find myself! I thought university would change this with me living away from home, i thought it would be the part of my life where i would blossom but no, nothings changed.
I have zero confidence, i cant talk to people, i shy away all the time. Ive always been an attractive person, but the exterior just doesnt reflect whats inside. I dont have many friends atall, i know alot of people and people know me but know one that i could actually get into a deep coversation with. One thing that is worrying me alot is the excessive alcohol im drinking, I drink quite often as i believe it gives me more confidence, i am able to conversate with people and actually feel like i have a purpose. Im not an alcoholic as i can take it or leave it but i do feel that if i do not start to get help i will end up turning to drink.
My family is pretty messed up to be honest, my mother is amazing but shes just under so much preassure with work and helping my sister who is a single mother and battleing a cannabis and alcohol addiction. I just dont want to talk to her and put more worries into her head, she wouldnt deal with it. my mother has been on anti-depressents for as long as i can remember.
I feel like i am really blabbing on here but this is the first time ive actually been able to think about the way i feel and what crap is actually in my head. Its getting to the stage where i just dont know which direction i am going in or how to get there. I am not suicidal but the thought has crossed my mind a few times.
I know by writing this im not going to be instantly fixed/cured but it has helped alot, im not asking for answers, just maybe someone to talk to or someone with advice.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this.
Mike

I'm a teen and I have an Anxiety and Depression disorder, I'm not positive but I may also have mild OCD. I'm really new too this website and forums so sorry if I do this wrong . I have so much running through my mind right now that it's really hard to decide what to say, so sorry again if what I say doesn't make sense. My parents have always been the over-protective type, both of their childhoods sucked and apparently they were both bullied tons. Unlike them, I was never bullied at school or anything like that I quite liked it, but I hate it at home. My parents like to start a fight over basically everything, either if it's with me or with each other, but either way, it always ends up my fault. I have a younger sister too, she's currently the age of 10 and I'm pretty sure she stopped aging at 6. I mean she's always had it easy, and her attitude towards me has never changed. I was never allowed to watch TV other then Family channel or Disney until late Grade 6, but she started as soon as I did... Meaning she was only in grade 2. Meaning, my mum thinks that everything I can do or/have she can do or/have. Moving on, my mom always treats me like I am her when she was my age. She decided I was a Tom-boy, that I don't like "girly things" like clothes, make-up, dating, going to the mall, going to the spa or looking good. And she really had be convinced that I was that person for a while, but once I was a little older (around 10, but not the dating part tbh none of my friends have even dated before.) I noticed that all my friends liked those things now too. I was getting older, and I wanted to act more like my gender. That's normal isn't it? Well, after all my friends changed more "girly" then they were before, I thought I should too and not just because they were but because I felt like I wasn't being who I really was. But to be completely honest, I was scared to change. Strangers looked at me and saw the fun-crazy-weird kid, the one that didn't want to grow up. And apparently my parents thought that too, so when I did start looking at different clothing at the stores when me and my mom went shopping she would say things like; "Oh no, that's nothing like you." or "Don't you think thats a bit too fancy?". When really all I would be showing was casual clothes, clothes that my close friends wore. My anxiety would kick in and I would just shut-up, agreeing to whatever she bought me. What really confuses me about this is that she always complains about the terrible clothing her mom bought her when she was a kid/teenager, and I thought that would make her want to treat me better? But I'm a teen now and guess what, you will still only find pairs of jeans and leggings in my closet with basic tees and you will only find a pair of runners and a pair of gumboots on the shoe rack that belong too me. It's not fair that I'm not allowed to grow up, I'm not allowed to be a girl, that I have been stuck in the same hole for my whole life and it's only getting bigger. All my friends wear mascara, a bit of eyeliner, eye shadow, lipstick, and all that crap, but I can only wear concealer and a bit of foundation (whatever the difference is) to hide my acne. Note: My friends are good friends, my parents have no problems with them and I have known them my whole life. Even though I'm currently only talking about 2 of them, because technically the rest left me for some unknown reason. But I do have other friends, although they are all online . Onto another subject now, remember it may not seem like much so far but thats because it's all the little things that build up inside of me. My parents like to fight with me or each other ALL THE TIME, it's really bad. When its just the two of them fighting, and it's...

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Hi there, I need some help. I am very confused about my Sexuality and not sure whether I am gay or bi, or even straight.

I'll tell you my story, I am from South America and as a kid I messed around with my friends sexually just trying to experiment as it was easier than getting girls... We wanted girls but decided to play around with each other... That was when I was 13-15 I am now 23. We probably spent half a year messing about, if was never emotional or anything like that but just sexual..

I've lived all my life liking girls ever since and have felt love for women too. I've had two Gfs (real ones), the last one I was with for five years and the current one for around 7 months. I've never really looked at guys at all in any emotional way but I do like to mess around with guys sexually.. And have done a few times in the last 6years.. From oral to sex. Most of the time I didn't enjoy it but it was a sexual thing and fancied oral sex... That's as far as it got with men... Just casual sexual encounters... Not often but we could say once ever three or four months... I haven't since with my Gf as I have been truly happy with her and feel deeply in love with her and always have enjoyed her body too.

Around two weeks ago or just a bit less than that I told her about my sexual experiences and that I think I might be bisexual, however since then I have developed somewhat of an ocd, hocd... Re questioning my Sexuality asking myself whether my whole life as straight has been an illusion and even force myself to see myself with a guy. It doesn't really attract me, but I can't say I would never do it as I think if I can sexually be aroused by men too then it means something, and I have not been able to stop forcing myself into thinking if I am gay or not, and that surely I must be if I fantasise about men whilst with women,

I don't understand whether it's something in my head that has caused me to not stop thinking about my sexual orientation or whether I'm gay but have never really seen it until now, the emotional side I mean... And reconfuse myself by acknowledging that I haven't really at all ever felt emotions for guys, but many times for girls.

I guess I need to establish whether I can be straight and then turn gay, or if I'm simply bisexual, or if I just like sex with men too.. And that's it. As that's how it's felt all my life.

I think about everything to do with this, asking myself if it's that I don't want to be gay and I just have forced myself to be straight, but it's hard to put that to ground as I think at least I would have acknowledged emotions for men before, which I truly haven't until all this began.

Any ideas comments would be greatly appreciated.. As I can't even function a normal life atm.. And when I think of being gay and not being with my current Gf it makes me sick as I want to be with her, or maybe I want it that way because it would just be easier?.

Hello dear reader, I've recently discovered my disorders and wrote something a while ago in a blog. Sorry if it's too long but I can't really divide it into part, you may find it very boring but I want to thank you to whoever read the whole thing or even just looked at!

Introduction, burning iceberg/frozen flame
I’m not very good at writing; in fact I suck pretty much at everything.

I think of myself as a walking bag of issues. I’m a highly sensitive person, I have borderline personality disorder, social anxiety, I have little bit of OCD and ADD and I often think that I’m bipolar.

I understand that everybody goes through some kind of stress in their lives and that other people might have bigger problems than me…honestly I don’t give a ###$, ###$ those people! ###$ people who judge ( I do that sometimes too but then I get punished at night by my over thinking habit), ###$ people who pretend to be nice, ###$ overconfident people, ###$ people who are shy, ###$ people that like politics, ###$ people that are into religion now that I think of it, ###$ everybody! Myself included!!

I’m sorry I didn’t meant to offend anyone (maybe I did), so I have extreme mood swings(as you’ve already noticed), sometimes I wanna meet people but most of the times I hate people. It’s probably because of my social anxiety, every time I’m in public I feel like everybody’s staring at me, I always thought it was some teenage stuff and that it would eventually subside but it never truly did, in fact sometimes I feel like it’s gotten worse. Each pair of eyes feels like a burn and I start sweating and panicking and I keep telling myself “oh god why are people staring at me? Is it because I’m overweight? (at a time I was but even after I lost weight I felt the same way) is my hair messed up?” Sometimes I do feel ok when I’m in public, most of the time it’s when I’m drunk or in an extremely good mood, unfortunately both don’t last very long and don’t happen very often and sometimes are mutually exclusive.

I feel like I’m the ugliest person in the world, the most weird too but at the same time I realize that I’m just an ordinary guy, nothing special at all. Other times I label myself very special because I’m pathetic and I want that pity but there’s just no one in my world that would ######6 understand me so I only have myself, which is just not enough but sometimes can be overwhelming. My biggest fear and my biggest enemy are both- myself. I tend to over think stuff, stuff that other healthy normal people don’t even care about, don’t notice. I like to analyze my day right before going to sleep, every ######6 time. Every time before going to sleep my brain’s like “Oh you wanna rest? ###$ that! Let’s go through all the ###$ up $#%^ that happened today. The mean stuff people said to you or you said to them. The stupid awkward situations you put yourself or others to, about how it’s gonna haunt you for a couple of years until you do something more ###$ up, which is gonna happen pretty soon by the way.

I always feel lonely and sometimes I just wish I had a girlfriend, actually every guy wants that…but then I remember what it’s like for me to be in a relationship with someone. It’s ######6 hell, both for me and for the unluckiest girl in the world who agreed to be in a relationship with me. Whenever I’m in a relationship (which is SUPER rare now) I tend to idealize (or even idolize) my partner and I cling very tightly to that person. Thinking she can understand me, support me and just always be there (which is literally ALWAYS) and of course eventually I get disappointed, always. Because I’m a selfish bastard, the very kind of people that I hate. It is part of the curse of having the borderline personality disorder, no one will ever be good enough for you and you’re never gonna be good enough for anyone as well. When people I’m really attached to stop messaging me or talking to me for whatever reasons (busy, not in the mood) I instantly take it the wrong wa...

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I looked up the symptoms for both and the hypochondriac in me thinks I've got every disorder and disease on the planet..


I know something is up with me because I'm so different from the people who surround me. I'm so sensitive to everything and everyone and I feel things so deeply and intensely. And so quickly. I'm quite moody, especially as of late, and I'm very irritable. I chalked it up to the recent passing of my mother (about a month and a half ago), but it's still weird. I hate the people closest to me sometimes. Not my friends, not strangers, not acquaintances.. Only my absolute best friends, those who are truly close to me and those I truly love and care for.. I genuinely hate them at certain points. Just everything about their existence and I want to cut them out of my life sometimes. All for no reason. I'll also feel bursts of love and appreciation for them, all of which are phases and pass.

I initially thought bipolar disorder because of the intense mood swings, but they happen so frequently; definitely not a week or longer. If I felt any single emotion for a week or longer, I would probably lose my mind. My moods change daily, but for the most part, I've got a pretty decent disposition. I'm usually really content. Ever since the lost of my mother, though, I never really know what I'm going to get when I wake up. Some days are good.. Some days, however, aren't so good.


I know someone who suffers from bipolar disorder and I don't see many similarities. When she's up, she's up. She contacts all of her friends and is there for them, helping them with whatever she can, making all these plans and just seems personable. When she's down, she ignores everyone and doesn't care if you need anything from her, even just some of her time to vent to her. She becomes very selfish and cold and distant for quite a few days, if not weeks at a time.

I'm not like that. I'm always there for my friends. Sometimes I don't answer because I'm busy or I forget to respond, or just have nothing to say or don't feel like talking to you, but I don't drop off the face of the earth or anything like that. And I only really take out my mood swings on those closest to me by just being irritable and touchy. I also read about "manic states", which I don't believe that I have any. There aren't specific times that I'll be more likely to spend money, or engage in destructive behavior, or drink/consume substances.. I drink on occasions, I don't partake in any drug usage (other than my weekly vitamin D pills lol), and I've always spent money in the same patterns. No peaks or valleys.


I'm sorry for writing so much, I just wanted to address everything that I could think of.. I don't have insurance so I can't see a professional any time soon.. And I certainly can't afford paying out of pocket.. I financially support myself now that my mom's passed and I'm still in college. I understand you guys can't actually diagnose me correctly but whatever thoughts you have, feel free to share.. Maybe you went through similar things? Or maybe this is just normal for human beings? Dunno. Thanks ahead of time.