when I was a child I used to force myself into peoples lives. I used beg for attention from everyone even random strangers. I couldn't tell when I was being rejected and hence constantly acted dramatically. the problem is that I cant tell whether im still like that and I don't know why I do it. its like I have no control over how I act or who i open up to. I open up to people ive just met and I end up feeling worse cos I think theyre laughing behind my back.

My gambling is becoming out of hand lately and i really feel its changiny core as a person it all started when i got a job at a nearby gambling establishment and to cut a long story short i started to gamble because of my employment and now i feel like it is taking over my life and more important things are taking a back seat. i'm new to the site so any help/advice by more experienced gamblers would greatly help thank you.

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I am 27 and have lived with cutting for most of my life lately I have put quite a lot of thought into when in started or why I started. I think back and remembered cutting at 11 years old why I did it not a clue could have got in trouble or something but it was a *mod edit* razer yet its been months scents I have shopped for the in boulck there still around. its been 16 years I have been cutting....

Today day and time 20th:
Its been hard lately I know what I do is far from OK good or safe
A key that keeps me going to deep or bleed for to long is the thought of tears on my sisters face.
I'm do to have a son in two months.
Her head games to help this time I'm going through.
Its been three days every night shower on blade out cut *mod edit* times upper arm tell my heart slows to a mild beat a twitch here a twitch there I fill like I'm taking to far waking up or fading out in a tub of my sin filled blood

Not really sure why I'm writing all I know is I'm lost only wish I can cry it out ....

I've never participated in anything like this before, but it's cheaper than a psychiatrist and healthier than the other "outlets" I had in mind. I don't know where this post is going but I'm just going to let my mind leak onto this blog or whatever the heck this this is and see where it takes me.

Lately things haven't been so hot. I experience major highs where everything is "fine" and I'm truly content with everything and major, and I mean MAJOR lows where I feel the absolute opposite. I know what you're thinking, bipolar disorder. I haven't been diagnosed so I don't know for sure. But that's not the only thing that's "wrong."

I've been having problems with daily/everyday tasks due to my inability to focus, my lack of ability to sleep normally, mood fluctuations, weight gain, lack of motivation, constant nervousness, and always second guessing myself.

I'm completely fine when I'm around my friends, but the second I'm left alone, man... All hell breaks lose in my mind. It's like all the thoughts that I was too distracted to distracted to think about when I was with my friends come out all at once and it overwhelms me and causes me to be more anxious.

My symptoms include:
-lack of focus
-major insomnia
-mood fluctuations
-loss of motivation
-constant second guessing of self
-constant anxiety, stress, nervousness
-shaky hands
-frequent headaches
-hot flashes
-easily startled
-forgetful
-nausea
-irritability
-early morning wakefulness (waking up at like 3 or 4 and not being able to go back to sleep)
-loss of interest in things that once caught my attention.

I don't know what my diagnosis is. If anyone wants to give it a shot as to what's going on with me, I'm open to anyone's input. I know, I should really see someone but I'm using that as an absolute last resort...

I don't know if anyone will see this, let alone spent the time to actually read this crap but if there's someone out there reading this, I would appreciate any input you have.

All the best,
Me.