OMNICELL's Blog

by **OMNICELL** on Sun Jan 26, 2025 7:43 am

Blog; where Im at now!
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2 areas;
Relationships
Activities
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Relationships; Well; I have sponsors and support groups… I have a working good relationship; hard and struggling relationship with God… But its Good; as far as I can see. Its bow down to God; to my higher power...
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SO; Im at the low end; The very beginning of learning about or trekking forward with the idea of learning about relationships; a curiosity; an exploration; a developing of the work ethic needed to meet people and finally be successful at it; This will take work; lots of it; Nothing is free; However; Ive got time and God on my side. All is good; I dont have to be overwhelmed. GOds got me; the universe has got my back; Ive got friends in the sky; God; Jesus; Universe; Holy spiritus and Gods Army; the blue Angels; my Galaxy Justice league; all for myself; they take care of me; they look out for me; They are my friendly protectors in this life and abroad. .
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As for relationships and the process to acquare such things in Gods kingship and sovereign state; under Gods care; It will be for the first time. I no absolutely nothing about doing this or them ( about women and how to meet them that are qualified under Gods care; women that have been attracted by the light; and anyone else that might land their space ship from outer-space)… Never been their before… Never met anyone before…
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Ill be working with a sponsor on it… it will be for the first time…
I guess its what 11 year olds go through when they hit 13… Thats the thick of it…
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Activities; these are certainly growing…
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Ive made in roads and can I say Im safe to say; have or am moving forward; or; this is open to me; Music and Art Creation; For this blog; thats what this is all about… and Ive moved forward.
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Im really moving down within and on top of the surface of a work grid; That is the direction of my recovery; its no longer about abstract things concepts or the focus on the past concerning what others have done to me and how to work a recovery process to get over it; Or; working the steps on that aspect of the past; the resentments.
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Now; after many years of working on the past; a natural movement from God has occurred; Ive earned the right under God; and Ive been moved forward into a work grid… Most if not all my interest and focus is present to forward looking; meaning; what I am looking forward to. I have lots of goals and that is the natural God given and directed focus these things; and its actually happening and Im slowly making progress more n more; More n More being trained down this pathway…. My interest is more n more on the future and the goals I have for the future; The future is looking bright; not just because of the goals but because of appreciation. I start where Im at… I work under God and with God and with those God has sent me to help to build me up; protect me; teach me; take care of me and mentor me… And with enough love and support; I start showing signs of being human again and the sunlight. So; I start where I start… For the first time down a trail… Its all Good! Its all Oke…
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SO; Today My natural focus is now on the work; I envision seeing myself at the actual work of a thing before its produced; its that work; I see myself at; that's what I want to take an interest in and focus on; on being the worker; on my work ethic; my ability to see myself in the creation process; thats whats important for me.
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I want to see myself drawing on a Art Tablet; scratching and smearing and rubbing the plastic with that electronic art pen; scribbling hidden ancient hieroglyphics.
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I see myself; my vision only on that Art pad; that Art tablet in front of the computer; I don’t see the monitor; I don’t care whats being drawn on it because thats not the focus of what Im doing here…
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My focus is not on the end result of Art. Right Now; its on the work ethic that creates a...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Wed Jan 22, 2025 12:52 am

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Letting go of the Past now; Im just able to just kind of float above and just float forward.....
I can do this because I know the score concerning the past... I know what the truth is...
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Moving into relationship concepts and ideas. At some point; A relationship Grid. Much like the Work Grid. I can feel it.
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Ive worked on FIRST LOVE from my past and many other false destructive situations… Falsely created situations in my mind; things that never existed. I just created them and needed to believe them… even tho they were false and unreal. Either way; I needed that fantasy… But I created it; and thats where all the work has been… to un hook from that those fantasies back into reality. Im still working on it.
However; Ive worked on it enough that I can feel it; I will be moved on from Work Grid to Relationship Grid where I will be working on real relationships with real people for the first time….
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I have to be prepared tho; for such things so I don’t get destroyed…
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Im heading in that direction. Its sickening what has happened to me in the past; It is… Horrible. Horrifying… However; my goal is to go past that; into the kind of people and places and things God wanted me in, in the first place and to focus on those….
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I don’t know that place yet… Its a place that never was…
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So; I have to work with God this time; slowly moving into that area… and learning to feel safe in it. Unfortunately when Young I was slaughtered in it… murdered with no defense….
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So…
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We will see.
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As for Work Grid. I am participating….
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Art Work; Well; did some today; I think Im getting the message; Just do the Art work; get strong enough with God going down pathways that lead to creating Art work. Im working on that….
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I don’t know that Ive said everything I wanted to say…. I may have wanted to say more. .
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But its simple; Its getting inline with God again doing the work until I appreciate the chance to meet new people…
I cant say it any better then this…
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ill humble myself before God so many many times; that this appreciation will appear. However; Ill have to do it…

by **OMNICELL** on Mon Jan 20, 2025 1:57 pm

THE NEXT PUSH;
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NOTE: I have to become the person I want to be in life in order to attract the kind of life I want; and all under God...
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On my knees to God…
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The next push forward is out into the community…
In some basic pre situations; its already happening. And Im accepting of it.
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Occupations; Well; I guess at this point one could also call it a Hobby calling; I certainly am using my Purpose; one of them in life… Thus; I kind of mix of Hobby/Calling/Purpose/Occupation style; I wont call this form of occupation traditional payed work; Im not getting traditionally paid; its not a formal paid job… But the tasks are similar and the commitment… Its more a combination of Artistic expression/recreation/recreation concepts/social interactions/practice-skill-development/teamwork.
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ART; Im working with God on Art Purpose. One area that is seeking up on me is; If Im left with nothing but willingness; will that be enough to put out effort for Art creation. Can I break the hardened resentments within myself surrounding Art. I will try; Ill work on it. The goal is interest. Am I so interested in Art that I will create art regardless.
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I thing has been; I havent had a purpose; and Ive needed one; ( What do I do with the Art work) ( whats the calling) ( What is It for).
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However; if I don’t get that answered; Im starting to see the other motivation is from the other side; I simply love making Art. And I want to experiment and make it all day long; so I go make it anyway and play with the ideas… because I want to.
Still; id need much growth to do this; what is required is; to be at base level with nothing concerning Art; be like a person with an interest and thats all I have… And go from there as if no one owes me anything; I just do it because I love doing it or want to be creative.
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I want to feel protected in my life; so……
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NOTE: I have to learn how to memorize.. With PTSD problems; this is hard…
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MENTAL HEATH ISSUES>..
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With Agoraphobia and AVPD; and Dissociative disorder; its hard to leave my apartment into a strange world landscape I don’t fit into… The outside world is made up of people and I have to depend on them and what they have and what I don’t have. I don’t seem to be able to function outside; I just kind of collapse and turn into a walking corps; I have to wait for others to help.
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If the outside world has one thing; its; help; meaning; I have to depend on help to be part of things. I cant function out here… However; at least im trusting the process again enough to believe God is supplying an outside that is suitable for me at some degrees…
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I can get mad at why God did not give me opportunities in this life for something of the outside world. I don’t know… Ill keep working with God…
I do have to become willing and to change my mind about the outside world… I have to trust and work with God…
I have goals; I have to go with what ever God tells me to go with…. To work through things.
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So; OCCUPATIONS; What I occupy my time with; is getting answered.
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SO; I must have help in the outside world…
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Im slowly making my way out of the 12 step groups; Some have become so volatile with being stalked and other problems; its not worth it anymore…
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Im just following God…
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On the way out; others arnt helping… Have I accomplished everything I need to in those meetings; ALMOST; Im working my way out of those meetings; so I have to trust God will make me present again to exit interview the place and learn to get my needs met at other places in the real world…
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I have to trust God…
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RELATIONSHIPS;
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This is the next level; Im talking about girlfriend...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Mon Jan 20, 2025 5:02 am

Blog;
2 areas of interest for this blog…
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A. Relationships
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B. Art work…
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FIRST LOVE; from my early teenage years; an unfortunate nightmare that destroyed me for some 40 years: What happened; would she have given me a relationship or not. Or; did she want one or not. Was I just being fooled; and it was all a lie… I have to know… This is the next level of knowledge I want and need. She was no friend of mine.. She was never a friend of mine.
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NOTE; To move on from First Love; I must know if anything was real or not. Was their a possibility of a relationship; did she give me the opportunity for a relationship or not; Ill continue to work 4th steps on resentment work around her… and go deeper and talk to God for help. A major area of this is not completed; More work must be done.
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At this level of pain and history; what this situation did to me; I want answers. I want answer because when I have complete answers I can move on… So; Im working with God to work through this…
Ill keep working with God on this; amen…
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I kind of want to take back all the effort I put out… and take it back and keep it to myself and then give through God to new people God is sending me. I can see this was a trail run; not the real thing. So I must get myself back; my identity… and I must find out if this was a trial run or the real thing.
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ART WORK; What will it take for me to create Art work; I really need to know a purpose. What is the Art for; where does it go. I need a connection for it in the outside world; Amen…
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Im getting the feeling I have to go deeper; meaning be brought to my knees in front of God on this one.. I don’t know what else to do. I have to be brought to the bare bones on this subject… right down to the ground where I believe Im creating simply because I like it. But Ill have to work with God on this… I still have allot of resentments concerning all of this and making Art… Amen.
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So; Im talking about Pre Artist build up to creating Art. Its like; I need more basic desire to create; like I have to be forged n the fire longer for things to happen… Brought before God on my knees every time until there are no more expectations… I know Im headed in the right direction. I don’t know much more then that…
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DRUMMING; Ill need maybe a few years to prove myself. To prove it to God; God will take care of me…
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NOTE; Stalkers at meetings are also a problems. I have called the police about it; I have to call again I guess or talk to a lawyer… Pray about it…

by **OMNICELL** on Sat Jan 18, 2025 6:08 am

Objective and Goals
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Life is based on what I believe; In addition; my goal is to finish an objective… That means finishing many small objectives… And thus leading to an over all finishing of a major intended objective…
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For example;
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My main goal with Guitar playing ultimately is; to be a front man at times in a band; playing some forms of lead and rhythm guitar…
That means I would need to be at the intermediate level for guitar playing. I would consider a starting position in a band Im a member; as intermediate level. I think at that level with the right mates; I could be a guitar player in a band… Assuming we are all at the same level…
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I can see myself imitating the onstage dress code and appearance of several rock stars… and the way they play and hold their guitars…
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My point is; concerning guitar;
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Very small goals that I can accomplish in general first.. and these goals add up at some point to being a better guitar player or more experiences guitar player and this leads to an intermediate position; earning it… Im at a novice level right now.
Im not always aware of when these smaller goals are accomplished; instead; I just practice and get involved and at some point after much struggle I find myself advanced from where I started; I can play several songs; the chords; when in the past would never touch them… to hard; way to advanced.
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ART:
Its the same struggle for Art as anything; setting to big objectives has been impossible; In fact; setting any objectives as been impossible for most of my life; that recently has been changing with much much work. As I move toward accomplishing a goal of aligning myself up to create art…
My first Goal is to; set things up correctly. When each smaller objective has been accomplished; I find myself at a point of beginning something more advanced and real. What does this mean; it means Ive taken care of the problems associated with starting a project in art. I used to be baffled by Art problems; especially setting up the computer and art software; maybe I felt I wasnt that smart… I struggle with things; working with Simple Art programs scared me intimidated me embarrassed me. Now;’ Im a little more open about showing to others Ive felt limited when working with Art software; the technical side seemed over my head and maturity level.
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Im one of those people that wanted and wants to live in a dream; I do want to express my feelings threw art; However; I want the work done for me; And in reality; that cant happen. I must learn to have a value for doing the work or the rest will never follow; Worth Ethic comes first.

Problems that used to baffle me…
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The problem was I could never finish a smaller objective;
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If I had 100 objectives in art I needed to finish; it was all to overwhelming for me; I just gave up dropped away…. I just had no faith; what was the point of finishing an objective… it wouldnt get me anything in life… I would bring in the horrors of the past; The full meaning of my past and life would be brought into and triggered by the work I wanted to accomplish in Art; thus; I would be so taken over; my focus; by the past; I would never get stared on accomplishing an objective in art…
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I was affected by the past;
I had a morbid outlook upon life considering all the personal losses I experienced…
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Things are different now…. Are they? Well; Im more willing to fight for what I want. Really fight for it; and its showing. Sanity or stabilization is showing up a bit.
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And I have fought for what I want; Ive got allot of psych problems associated with taking action; and this had burdened the process greatly; and so its tuff deal. However; I keep at my objective of imagining objectives that I want to finish…..
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So; The goal is learning how to Think; the goal is learning to finish these smaller objectives; and in many cases; they are not so small; they a...

[ Continued ]

2 areas; Relationships Activities

Moving into relationship ideas; letting go of the past

THE NEXT PUSH

Art Work; FIrst Love; and Drumming

Objective and Goals

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